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Sunday Sunshine #1034789
10/03/15 09:51 PM
10/03/15 09:51 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
“If aliens are watching us through telescopes, they’re going to think the dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
– Jerry Seinfeld

`````````````````````````````

Unusual Request Made To Travel Agents

"Hand-holding" is certainly one way to describe it, with requests ranging from the absurd ("I'd like to meet Elvis") to the downright idiotic ("How can I get to Europe without going by air or sea?"). Here's the list of the top 20 craziest requests the agents received this year. Maybe these travelers should just stay home?


1. Can you please book the honeymoon suite for us and another couple?

2. Can you please plan a honeymoon for me, my bride, and my mother?

3. Can you guarantee that no pet has ever been in the hotel room?

4. Can I fish off of the cruise ship?

5. Do they speak English in Britain?

6. Can you book two rooms in different parts of the resort — one for me and my wife, and the other for my girlfriend?

7. Is our relationship like a client/lawyer relationship?

8. Does the crew actually sleep onboard the cruise ship?

9. Don’t tell my fiancée this is where I took my first wife for our honeymoon.

10. I would like to go somewhere where there are NOT a lot of men.

11. I’d like to meet Elvis.

12. I’d like to get married in the Caribbean on an island where the marriage is not legal in the U.S.

13. Will there be shadows on my face at 4 p.m. when the pictures are taken?

14. Will you watch my pet while I’m away?

15. Are there toll roads on the way to Hawaii?

16. How can I get to Europe without going by air or sea?

17. I’d like to visit Scotland and Denmark on the same trip. (Agent then tells client he does not have time in his schedule to travel the distance.) But, they’re only an inch apart on the map!

18. Can you set it up so that the whales jump in the background at the same time I’m proposing to my girlfriend?

19. Can you ask the airline to block the seat next to me so I can stretch out?

20. I don’t want a window seat on the plane because I just had my hair done.

``````````````````````

First Christmas Joke:

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'

The paddy replied, 'These are Carols.'

And So The Christmas Season

`````````````````````````````````

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me ...."
He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!"
The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."
The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord...?" Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done...."
They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.
Begins......

`````````````````````````````

After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old codger decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the city's stores, he picked up a mirror and looked in it. Not knowing what it was, he remarked, How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy.

He bought the picture, but on the way home remembered that his wife, Lizzy, didn't much like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it.

The man's many trips to the barn began to draw Lizzy's suspicion. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "SO! He's done got himself a lover, and an ugly one to boot."

```````````````````````````

During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.

At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.

The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?"

"I did," said the centipede.

"Who stopped the rhino?"

"Uh, that was me too," said the centipede.

"And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?"

"Well, that was me as well," said the centipede.

"So where were you during the first half?" demanded the coach.

"Well," said the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped."

`````````````````````````````

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way.

The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.

At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway.

The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.

Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.

When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne.

Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we aren't going to know when to take off!"

````````````````````````````

Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. "Here's that $20 I owe you," he says.

``````````````````````

I'm not sure these are all positively 100% true.

1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80, 000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and
applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, they were both eaten by a killer whale.


2. A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an axe leaving her mentally retarded.


3. In 1992, Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an attempt on the world flagpole-sitting record. Suffering from the flu he came
down eight hours short of the 400-day record, his sponsor had gone bust, his girlfriend had left him and his phone and electricity had been cut off.


4. A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places.
Until that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.


5. Two animal rights protesters were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly the
pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.

And finally...


6. Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

There now! Your day's not so bad, is it?

```````````````````````````````

An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, "Englander, your arm is infected with gangrene we must cut it off."

The English prisoner said, "Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing."

The German replied, "Ya, that vill not be a problem."

A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off. The Englishman says, "Well, could drop it over England like you did last time."

"Ya, that will be done," says the German.

The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off. Once again the Brit says, "Well, could you do the same as before."

The German replies, " ya."

The next the German tells him they have to cut his other leg. "Well," begins the Brit, "could you just..."

The German snapped, "No! We think you are trying to escape!."

````````````````````````````````


Good morning everyboomie. welcome


I should say 'Good snoring'. It's what I hope I'm doing when you're reading this. sleep


I'm pretty doggone tired. tired


It's my day off though, and that's like a weeks vacation to a snail. yes


Ok I've gotta go find something soft to land on when I pass out. cool


Have a happy day everyone. wink



joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 10/03/15 09:53 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1034790
10/03/15 10:22 PM
10/03/15 10:22 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Yay Joe! Glad you have a day off! I hope you can sleep in and have a wonderful relaxing day doing something you enjoy.

Have a great day all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1034792
10/03/15 10:26 PM
10/03/15 10:26 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
thanks for the jokes Joe. lol


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1034811
10/04/15 06:07 AM
10/04/15 06:07 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, SpaceQ and all. A very chilly Fall morning. Joe hope you have a fun day off. Ana what have you got planned today? SpaceQ enjoy. Coffee is on and tea water too. Wishing you all a relaxing day! kitty cat lab wave


Gerry
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1034816
10/04/15 06:39 AM
10/04/15 06:39 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Breakfast out and some shopping today. Nan, prayers for son in law and congrats on the new baby. It's cool this morning, 63. To bad it won't stay this way. Danish, Omelets, Bacon, Sausage, Waffles, BB Pancakes, Hash Browns, and English Muffins in the NC. fall


Connie
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1034819
10/04/15 09:13 AM
10/04/15 09:13 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers happydance

Joe, enjoy your day off!

Ana, happy day wishes!

Space, have a great day!

Gerry, coffee please and thank you.

Connie, enjoy your breakfast out and your shopping.

Wishing everyone a super Sunday! fall


Gail
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1034821
10/04/15 09:25 AM
10/04/15 09:25 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hope you slept well, and have a great day off, Joe.

Have a great day, too, Ana.

Enjoy your day, Space Quest.

Thanks for the tea and coffee, Gerry. smile

Have fun at breakfast and shopping Connie. thumbsup

Have a fantastic Sunday, Gail.

It's another day off for me, and I have to make sure to get a good singing practice in. Then, when Thorsgoats comes back, we're going to play more Dreamfall Chapters. thumbsup

As for now, I'm off to get some breakfast. Have a terrific Sunday, everyone. fall


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: venus] #1034835
10/04/15 10:21 AM
10/04/15 10:21 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Hi Boomers. Would someone please turn up the heat? woozy


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1034850
10/04/15 11:02 AM
10/04/15 11:02 AM
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 12,378
Scotland
MsMercury Offline
Adept Boomer
MsMercury  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 12,378
Scotland
Hello Boomers! Hope everyone is well!

We've been having some lovely weather here but today is more typical of Autumn. I've not been doing too well hence the reason for not being here much lately. I'm having problems with my leg, especially lower leg which is almost numb. Dr's not sure if it's neuropathy caused by diabetes or a vascular problem. He referred me to a vascular surgeon in June but I'm still waiting for an appointment. Dr has contacted them again to try to speed things up but was told waiting time is between 12 and 15 weeks. The pain is excrutiating at night and gets me up from bed 3-4 times a night....getting out of bed is the only way I get relief and it takes around half an hour each time before it eases off, this despite pain meds and a sleeping tablet. Hopefully will hear something soon, it's really impacting my life as I can't walk very far either.

Sorry for dropping by with my problems! I could use some good thoughts please!

Enjoy the rest of your day guys!

Mary wave hearts


"It's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts." puppy

I'm not getting old....just 'Marvelously Mature'! grin
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: MsMercury] #1034855
10/04/15 11:18 AM
10/04/15 11:18 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and have a happy Sunday Sunshine! Enjoy your day off!

Mary, so very sorry that you are struggling with pain. Prayers going up that you get your appointment with a doctor soon! hearts

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Finally, we have some rain! So much needed!

Alrighty, off to see what's afoot!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1034876
10/04/15 01:34 PM
10/04/15 01:34 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Super Sunday and May the Force be with Ya'll puppy

We were up and moving for a little bit before we had to take off to drop hubby at the airport. Ran some errands on the way home and now time to sit and sip and surf for a sec. wave

Mary, big hugs to you!


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: looney4labs] #1034887
10/04/15 03:05 PM
10/04/15 03:05 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
I hope you feel better soon Mary. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: looney4labs] #1034889
10/04/15 03:11 PM
10/04/15 03:11 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Hello everyone. wave

It's been a super nice day here. I got up and had breakfast and coffee, and then loaded Baby up and drove out to the lake. Baby had a blast running up and down the shoreline and sniffing everything. lab

After the lake we went to Walmart and loaded up on groceries. I think my new favorite past time is eating. Last year when I went for my check-up I weighed 177 pounds. This year I weighed 188. duh

After Wally World I came home, put up the groceries, fixed my lunch......SEE?.....and took a little nap. razz

I would be watching football, but the Cowboys don't lose until 7:30 tonight, by which time I plan on being in bed asleep. lol

For now, I'm going to do a little gaming, and then do some clean up, and get ready for tomorrow. happydance

I hope you all have a fantastic day. yes


joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 10/04/15 03:13 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1034896
10/04/15 04:22 PM
10/04/15 04:22 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
That extra weight just sounds like water weight to me Joe. I wouldn't worry about it. haha


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1034933
10/04/15 09:12 PM
10/04/15 09:12 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Time for bed, Sweet dreams all sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: looney4labs] #1034935
10/04/15 09:15 PM
10/04/15 09:15 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
See you all tomorrow. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1034939
10/04/15 09:45 PM
10/04/15 09:45 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1034944
10/04/15 10:27 PM
10/04/15 10:27 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Here I am again showing up just in time to say good night. I've been preparing for my skin cancer surgery, filling out all kinds of medical forms. I can't wait to get this behind me. Anyway see you in the morning. I don't have to show up for work until 5:00 tomorrow. Have a good night.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
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