If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
~MILTON BERLE~
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One beautiful December evening Pepito and his girlfriend Pepita were sitting by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full moon, when Pepe said "Hey, mamacita, let's play Weeweechu."
"Oh no, not now, lets look at the moon" said Pepa.
"Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I play weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Pepito begged.
"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon."
"Please, corazoncito, just once, play Weeweechu with me."
Pepita looked at Pepito and said, "OK, one time, we'll play Weeweechu."
Pepito grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....
"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, "Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, "Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."
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Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
"How was he killed?" asked one detective.
"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"
"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."
That's my kind of joke.
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Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the very next port of call after the Titantics stop in New York. This shipment of mayonnaise would have been the largest ever delivered to Mexico but as we all know the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank. The cargo was lost forever. The people of Mexico who were crazy about mayonnaise and eagerly awaiting its delivery were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great that they declared a Nation Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning ocurs each year on May 5th and is know of course as --- Sinko de Mayo.
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A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. (In Germany and many parts of Europe, McDonald's actually does serve beer.) The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him the jab: "They don't serve BEER here, you MORON!"
The German fellow felt pretty stupid, but suddenly turns to the New Yorker with a surprised look, and begins to chuckle.
"And what's so funny?!?" the New Yorker demands.
"Oh, nothing really, I just realized that you came here for the food."
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On a train from London to Manchester, an American was telling off the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment.
"You English are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. Look at me... in me, I have Italian blood, French blood, a little Indian blood, and some Swedish blood. What do you say to that?"
The Englishman said, "Very sporting of your mother."
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A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, and they got along very well. One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
Have you any grounds?
Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.
No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
It made of concrete.
I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
No, we have carport, and not need one.
I mean. What are your relations like?
All my relations still in Poland.
Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.
Does your wife beat you up?
No, I always up before her.
Is your wife a nagger?
No, she white.
Why do you want this divorce?
She going to kill me.
What makes you think that?
I got proof.
What kind of proof?
She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: "Polish Remover"
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Classic Questions About Australia
Date of Joke: Monday, 7th August, 2006
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: Upwards, out of the ground, like the person who asked this question, who themselves will need watering if their IQ drops any lower...
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much beer you've consumed...
Q: Which direction should I drive - Perth to Darwin or Darwin to Perth - to avoid driving with the sun in my eyes? (Germany)
A: Excellent question, considering that the Olympics are being held in Sydney.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, so you'll need to have started about a year ago to get there in time for this October...
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: And accomplish what?
Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: I'm not touching this one...
Q: My client wants to take a steel pooper-scooper into Australia. Will you let her in? (South Africa)
A: Why? We do have toilet paper here...
Q: Are there any ATMs in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
Q: Where can I learn underwater welding in Australia? (Portugal)
Q: Do the camels in Australia have one hump or two? (UK)
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why bother? Use your fingers like the rest of us...
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No. Everybody stinks.
Q: Do tents exist in Australia? (Germany)
A: Yes, but only in sporting supply stores, peoples' garages, and most national parks...
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: This HAS to have been asked by a blonde...
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes. Gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Yes. At Christmas.
Q: Can I drive to the Great Barrier Reef? (Germany)
A: Sure, if your vehicle is amphibious.
Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but we'll see what we can do when you get here.
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: What's this guy smoking, and where do I get some?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: Another blonde?
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: I love this one...there are no rattlesnakes in Australia.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face North and you should be about right.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Americans have long had considerable trouble distinguishing between Austria and Australia.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: From Liz Taylor, perhaps?
Q: Are there places in Australia where you can make love outdoors? (Italy)
A: Yes. Outdoors.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R&R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
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Good morning everyboomie.
It is Friday for me. It's Friday for me. Tra-La-La-La-La
Isn't that special? Catchy tune too.
I am planning on going back to the creek tomorrow or Thursday, somewhere in between doing laundry, cleaning house, buying groceries, and mowing the yard one more time, believe it or not.
I don't.
We had a good hard two inch rain with the storms a few days ago, and I'm hopeful something pointy got washed up.
I've gotta get through my work day first, but I'm getting ahead of myself. I've gotta get through a nuther night and early rise before that.
Hi Ho, Hi Ho
It's off to bed I go.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Just stopped by to make my post, and then I'm going back to sleep with the lights out and the pillows in the proper position this time. 
We just can't seem to get his ear problems to stay gone. It's a Basset Hound problem. Still in the upper 80's, but less humid. The temps are supposed to cool off this weekend. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Tuesday. Danish, Muffins, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. 
Have an easy peasy day!
.