The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.
~ANONYMOUS~
It all went to hell when attacking what we hate became more important than defending what we love.
~ANONYMOUS~
That Anonymous was quite a smart individual.
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These Oxymoron's are an absolute riot. This is the mother list of Oxymoron's that will leave you saying, 'Yup, that's one hell of a Oxymoron list'. A Fine Mess
A just war
A little big
a little pregnant
A new classic
absolutely unsure
abundant poverty
academic fraternity
Academic sorority
Accidentally on Purpose
accurate estimate
accurate horoscope
accurate rumors
accurate stereotype
acrophobic mountain climber
Act Naturally
active retirement
actual reenactment
acute apathy
acute dullness
adult children
Adult male
advanced BASIC
advanced beginner
Affirmative action
affordable housing
aging yuppie
agree to disagree
Airline Food
airline schedules
all alone
All natural artificial flavor
alltogether separate
alone in a crowd
almost candid
Almost done
almost exactly
almost pregnant
Almost Ready
almost safe
almost suddenly
almost surprised
almost totally
alone together
amateur expert
American culture
American education
American English
amicable divorce
among the first
Amtrak schedule
Anarchy Rules!
anonymous colleague
Act naturally
Happily married
Microsoft Works
Holy war
Found missing
Resident alien
Minor Catastrophe
Affordable housing
Near miss
Great depression
Canadian army
Phone sex
United nations
Advanced BASIC
Genuine imitation
Death benefits
Airline Food
Women's rights
Good grief
Same difference
Almost exactly
Sensitive man
Government organization
Everything except
Civil War
Good kid
Sanitary landfill
Alone together
Legally drunk
Silent scream
British fashion
Living dead
Small crowd
Business ethics
Soft rock
Butt Head
Military Intelligence
Software documentation
New York culture
New classic
Sweet sorrow
Childproof
"Now, then"
Synthetic natural gas
Christian Scientists
Passive aggressive
Taped live
Clearly misunderstood
Peace force
Extinct Life
Temporary tax increase
New and improved
Computer jock
Plastic glasses
Terribly pleased
Computer security
Political science
Tight slacks
Definite maybe
Pretty ugly
Twelve-ounce pound cake
Diet ice cream
Rap music
Working vacation
Exact estimate
Religious tolerance
Freezer Burn
Honest Politician
Jumbo Shrimp
Loners Club
Postal Service
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TOP TEN THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR IN CHURCH...10. Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew.
9. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.
8. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.
7. I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.
6. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.
5. Forget the denominational minimum salary, let's pay our pastor so he can live like we do.
4. I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!
3. Since we're all here, let's start the service early.
2. Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.
1. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!
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TOP TEN BAD THINGS ABOUT HAVING A SUMMER TIME SHARE WITH DARTH VADER...10. Claims those long-distance calls to the Death Star aren't his.
9. Uses Jedi powers to shake up your root beer right before you open it.
8. He's always accusing you of hiding his asthma inhaler.
7. Claims he paid you the rent "a long, long time ago."
6. Dances around in nothing but cape and cowboy hat while doing "Darth Brooks" routine.
5. For once he could use Force to lift his wet towel off the couch.
4. That scary music that plays when he enters a room gets old real fast.
3. You feel like an idiot saying, "No, Darth isn't here. He's on the ice planet Hoth."
2. Not easy cleaning burnt Ewok fur off the barbecue grill.
1. Constantly doing his lame James Earl Jones impression.
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TOP TEN REASONS TO GO TO WORK NAKED...1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"
2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
3. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."
4. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.
5. You want to see if it's like the dream.
6. So that with a little help from Muzak you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume.
7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.
8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.
9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.
10. No one steals your chair.
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Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the SOS/different day diner.
A girl at work yesterday asked me what day it is.
Being ever the smart aleck that I am, and stating the obvious, I said it's the day after yesterday of course.
Someone else kindly gave her a more accurate answer.
Then she said I was right.....of course.
Actually I was wrong because
THIS is the day after yesterday.
What can I say, I didn't have my smart phone with me.
Where's a calendar when you need one?
I think I'll go search for one......in my bedroom.
Have a cup of coffee everyone, and a happy day.
joe
acebook
witter
Take Care. I've put the coffee and tea on if you're ready. Wishing everyone a peaceful Sunday. 
Merlin