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Saturdiner #1049087
01/09/16 02:26 AM
01/09/16 02:26 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
- Mark Twain.

```````````````````````````````````

We are collecting amusing examples of other funny figures of speech, but let us start with amusing collective nouns.

An exaggeration of fishermen
A decanter of publicans
A ponder of philosophers
A nucleus of physicists
A portfolio of stockbrokers
A flush of plumbers
A corps of anatomists
A bodge of DIYers
A scoop of journalists
An expectation of midwives

```````````````````````

Examples of Funny Words Making Clever Phrases

...(v3r)
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can't stand alone, it is two tired.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.
He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

```````````````````````````

Many a Funny Word - Spoken in Jest

The longest one-syllable word in the English language is 'screeched.'
Los Angeles's full name is 'El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula' and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size, 'L.A.'
The name for Oz in the 'Wizard of Oz' was thought up when the creator, Frank Baum, looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N, and O-Z, hence 'Oz.'
The longest common word that you can type with just the left hand is probably 'Stewardesses', however there is the obscure but longer: 'Aftercataracts'. With the right hand the longest word is Phyllophyllin. (Lolypop comes close, but as Groucho Marx would say: 'no cigar')
The combination 'ough' can be pronounced in nine different ways. The following sentence contains them all 'A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed.'
The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning 'containing arsenic.'

Amusing Words

There is a seven letter word in the English language that contains ten words without rearranging any of its letters, 'therein' the, there, he, in, rein, her, here, ere, therein, herein.
The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.
The word 'set' has more definitions than any other word in the English language.
'Underground' is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters 'und.'

```````````````````````````

Randy, a Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Glen, an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, 'Oh yeah. We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.'

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Glen shows off his herd of cattle. Then Randy immediately says, 'We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.'

The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field and so he asks, 'And what are those?'

'Glen', the Aussie replies with an incredulous look, 'Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas.'

```````````````````````

Oxymorons


Dry lake
Fuzzy logic
Living dead
Free gift
Numb sensation
Same difference, once again
Stand down
Metal woods (Golfers)
Books on tape
Crash landing (As a result of friendly fire from a peacekeeping missile?)
Detailed summary
Anarchy rules!
Park drive
Stationary orbit
Jumbo shrimp, followed by vegetarian meatballs, and for desert, grape nuts.


Cruel Examples of Oxymorons

Pretty ugly
Punk music (Live recording)
Civil servant
Gourmet pizza, served by a fast waiter.
Airline food
User friendly
Non-working mother
Microsoft Works on a Vista operating system
Political Co-operation (Political science)
Work party
Loners club
Labour Party (or Conservative Party or Liberal Party)
Silent women, at least not in married life
French resistance
Swiss navy
Greater Cleveland (In UK - Greater Manchester)
California style

``````````````````````````````

Over-the-top Oxymoron Example


I can picture my friend 'Barking' Eddie, it's a pretty ugly sight. I see him half naked, sipping non-alcoholic beer from his plastic glass. Then from time-to-time he nibbles on his cold hotdog, which is smothered in hot chili sauce. For pudding Eddie will be having freezer burnt, white chocolate, ice cream, with a plain fudge topping.

Next week Eddie is organizing a working party for Hell's angels. This is a new tradition, they will be spending a whole half-day on the top floor of his low-rise office. They are hoping to watch a live recording of a programme about turning green oranges into non-stick glue.

Ten Examples of Oxymoron Phrases

A stripper's dressing room
Click the start button, and shut down
First strike defence
Former President-for-life (Haiti)
Alone in a crowd
Xenophobic Foreign Secretary (Xenophobic = hates strangers)
Personalized form letter
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous!
Always remember you're unique...just like everyone else!
An oral contract isn't worth the paper its written on
The comedian was seriously funny

````````````````````````

Another Batch of Amusing Oxymorons

Freezer burn, caused by liquid gas, created an anxious patient
Open secret - clearly confused
Found missing - minor crisis averted
Tight slacks - Pretty ugly
We climbed down into a blocked drain
Soft rock, as shown on educational television
Monopoly (Mono Poly?) And why is there only one monopolies commission?
Head butt

``````````````````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


Welcome to the weekend!


It is 12:25, so I'm just going to wish you all a good night, and a happy day. yes


joe




Last edited by gymcandy1; 01/09/16 02:29 AM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1049090
01/09/16 07:03 AM
01/09/16 07:03 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe and everyone. I finally have my internet back. Issue was a "captured portal". Feels good to be back at Joe's! Coffee and tea are ready. Hope you all have a great day. wave


Gerry
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1049100
01/09/16 08:10 AM
01/09/16 08:10 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Super Saturday. I'm going to the Mall with my best friend today. Danish, Bacon Sandwiches, and Muffins in the NC. penguin


Connie
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1049113
01/09/16 10:02 AM
01/09/16 10:02 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Sleep well, Joe. wave

Glad you have your internet back, Gerry! thumbsup A captured portal? That sounds like a science fiction plot. lol

Have fun at the mall with your friend, Connie! rah

I have a voice lesson today. happydance12 Hopefully, it won't be cancelled again. lol

Hope everyone has a terrific Saturday. winter


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Saturdiner [Re: venus] #1049116
01/09/16 10:03 AM
01/09/16 10:03 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good morning Boomers.


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1049122
01/09/16 10:38 AM
01/09/16 10:38 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers kitty

Joe, have a great day.

Gerry, glad your internet is back. "catured portal" sounds like a Big Fish game. lol

Connie, enjoy whatever plans you have today.

Venus, happy voice lesson.

Space, good morning!

Out shopping with the girls this morning then out to lunch. Wishing everyone a wonderful weekend. happydance12


Gail
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1049127
01/09/16 11:11 AM
01/09/16 11:11 AM
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 7,707
The Country
Winfrey Offline
BAAG Specialist
Winfrey  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 7,707
The Country
Good morning, today is supposed to storm out, great day for game playing.


Would that I could be the peacemaker in your soul that I might turn the discord and the rivalry of your elements into oneness and melody
Gibran
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1049128
01/09/16 11:12 AM
01/09/16 11:12 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning everyone! Chasing James around so just flying by! Have a happy day!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1049138
01/09/16 12:41 PM
01/09/16 12:41 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Cold outside. Nice to have some actual Winter for once. Get to wear heavier sweatshirts. Ha. They say we will get more rain tonight. So far I see nothing on the horizon.

Still missing one of the Outdoorsies. He is the one I call, Gimpy. Always around, had some sort of accident months ago that left him with limited movement of his hind end. He seems happy, eats well, gets wherever he needs too, even 'crawls' up to the feeding table. Was making friends with the newest feral, but then disappeared 4 nights ago. Either he wandered off in search of a female (they do that just about this timing) or he succumbed to something else. There were 3 strange cats nosing around in the last week. Might be other males looking for mates. We will see soon. Either he will reappear with a smile on his face, or I will be 'treated' to a horrible smell under the house for about 3 weeks (their favorite place to go to die). Sort of like the fabled Elephant Graveyard. I have no idea why, but there are so many critters under there I've lost count. At least it's a quiet place for them. Hoping to see Gimpy soon, and NOT smell him. Ugh.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: Sorta Blonde] #1049141
01/09/16 12:57 PM
01/09/16 12:57 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Hey everybody. wave

It's a good day to stay inside. It's 38 degrees, which is supposed to be the high temperature for the day. It feels like 29 degrees, and I've actually been contemplating going to the creek. slapforehead

I don't think it's going to happen. I'm not THAT nuts. crazy

So it's stay inside and be lazy I guess. Unless I second guess myself. razz

It's almost lunch time. shocked

My next big decision....what to have for lunch? yes


joe wave


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1049146
01/09/16 01:19 PM
01/09/16 01:19 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
lol Joe!! It's 10F feeling like -6F here and dropping!! shiver Our first cold blast of the winter. Thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Gerry glad the internet is finally working again!! Thanks for the HOT coffee and have a lovely day!

Connie have fun at the mall. Thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

venus good luck with the voice lesson!! Have a lovely day!

Space have a lovely day!

Gail enjoy the shopping with the girls and have a lovely lunch and day!!

Winfrey have a lovely day and stay safe!!

Ana enjoy James today!!! Have a lovely day!

Sorta hope you find Gimpy soon. Have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1049150
01/09/16 01:45 PM
01/09/16 01:45 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Super Saturday ya'll puppy

It's raining....again! Oh well, this summer when we are dry I'll be wanting rain, so guess I'll just be grateful now.

Daughter finished her 1/2 marathon. So she has done a 5k, a 10k, a 13k, and tomorrow is the full deal. She is worried aobut making the whole thing but even if she doesn't, she has done well through a very trying time.

I'm cooking books in a bit. Got them started the other day but need to bring it on home.

Joe, too cold for the creek. Work on lunch instead. wave

Gerry, welcome back!

Connie, happy shoppity shopping.

Venus, hope the lesson happens luck

Space, what's on tap today?

Gail, have fun.

Winfrey, hope all the storms miss you.

Ana, yes it does. You and James have fun.

Sorta, fingers crossed Gimpy shows up.

Nan, eek.


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Saturdiner [Re: looney4labs] #1049169
01/09/16 04:37 PM
01/09/16 04:37 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Just a slow day at home looney. dance


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1049175
01/09/16 06:40 PM
01/09/16 06:40 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Slow days are great!

edit: Okay, off to bath and bed. Sweet dreams all sleep


Last edited by looney4labs; 01/09/16 10:12 PM.

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Saturdiner [Re: looney4labs] #1049190
01/09/16 10:50 PM
01/09/16 10:50 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night Boomers. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1049196
01/09/16 11:42 PM
01/09/16 11:42 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Just in time to say good night. See you in the am. Night all.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1049200
01/10/16 12:44 AM
01/10/16 12:44 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Sweet dreams....long day.

Ana hearts


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1049202
01/10/16 12:57 AM
01/10/16 12:57 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
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