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Tuesday's #1049492
01/11/16 08:29 PM
01/11/16 08:29 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
It takes a long time to grow an old friend.
- John Leonard

````````````````````````````````````

True Life Can Be As Funny As A Joke


Desperate Bridegroom Needed Money For Wedding

A desperate bridegroom faces jail, not a reception and honeymoon, as his reward for staging four bank robberies after his fiancée's plans for a huge white wedding got out of hand. His "bride to be" demanded a reception with 500 guests, a Chanel wedding gown, a new car for the drive to the service and a Caribbean honeymoon.

The poor man was unable to provide the money for these jollities so he stole some £300,000 [$ 4,228,210 USD] in bank robberies throughout Austria before he was caught when an off duty policeman grabbed him as he fled from a bank in Vienna.

'The wedding was costing a lot of money and I realised I would never be able to pay for it,' he told the court. 'The money from the first robbery went in a day so I just kept going.'

`````````````````````````

Help Police - Find Me A Husband!

Divorcee, Angela Stahl, aged 44, a desperate housewife, has been reported for wasting police time in Germany after dialling 999 more than one hundred times in the hope of finding a new husband. We have learned that she plagued the emergency line with endless calls claiming she couldn't afford dating agencies.

Eventually and unsurprisingly two police officers finally visited her home in Berlin, Germany and confiscated the battery from her mobile phone.

``````````````````

TV Licence Demand Sent To 16th Century Mathematician

A German mathematician who died 450 years ago has been sent a letter demanding that he pay for a TV licence. Algebra expert, Adam Ries, who bought the property in 1525 was sent the bill in Germany.

'We received a letter saying "To Mr Adam Ries" on it, with the request to pay his television and radio fees,' said Annegret Muench, who now heads a club honouring the mathematician, which uses the house as its HQ. Miss Muench returned the letter to the GEZ with a note explaining the request had come too late, as Ries had died in 1559, but she still received a reminder a few weeks later.

This was not the first time the GEZ had sent a bill to those in the afterlife. Last year, a school named after the poet Friedrich Schiller, who died in 1805, received a reminder asking him to declare all radios and televisions in his home and pay the corresponding fees.

`````````````````````

Picking Lemons Is Easy

Sally Winters wanted to earn some money so she applied for a post in a Florida lemon grove which seemed eminently suitable but Sally was concerned that she might be over qualified for the job.

'Look Miss Winters,' said Archie, the foreman, seriously 'have you any actual experience in picking lemons?' 'Well, as a matter of fact, yes,' came Sally's reply and she added confidently, 'I've been divorced three times.'

``````````````````````

Six Items Madam?

Ranjit was in the express lane at his local Wal-Mart supermarket quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of him had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.

Can you imagine Ranjit's delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart, and asked her sweetly which six items she would like to buy?

````````````````````

How To Get A Table In A Crowded Restaurant

The Harbour Lights Restaurant, Portsmouth, England, was extremely busy last Saturday evening and they had no free tables.

My elderly neighbours, Ronnie and Sylvie Hartson, were told there would be, at least, an 1 ½ hours wait to be seated.

'Young man,' explained Ronnie patiently, looking at Sylvie with a twinkle in his eye, 'we're both 93 years old and we may not have 45 minutes.'

````````````````````````

Finally: 'Stop That Laughing.'

Gary Saunders, a motorist from Liverpool, England, was stopped by a traffic police officer and reprimanded for laughing at the wheel of his car. He was using a hands-free 'phone when he burst out laughing at a joke told him by his brother-in-law.

A few moments later he noticed a traffic officer flashing his lights at him and gesticulating at him to stop his Renault. When Mr Saunders got out of his car, the policeman castigated him, 'Laughing while driving a car can be an offence.'

'I couldn't believe it when he told me I'd been pulled over for laughing,' Mr Saunders is reported as saying, 'I was driving very safely in the Birkenhead Tunnel and took a call. He said something funny and I was laughing; simple as that. I never took my eyes off the road and was in full control of the car. I definitely wasn't speeding so I asked what the problem was and he told me I was laughing too much.'

```````````````````````````

Funny Fainting Fit

Simon had fainted. When the paramedics arrived they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint.

'It was enough to make anybody faint,' he spluttered. 'My son, Rod, asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower.'

``````````````````````````````

A Good Read?

'Andy, for heaven's sake, why can't you just talk to me once in awhile?' whines his wife, Sonia.
'Huh?' Andy responds.

'Look around you,' Sonia yells as she points around the room. 'All these books. Your head is always buried in books. You don't even know I'm alive!'

'Oh. I'm sorry,' mutters Andy.
'You know, sometimes I wish I were a book. Then you'd at least look at me,' explodes Sonia.
'Hmmm,' Andy mumbles deep in thought, ' then at least I could take you to the library every few days and change you for something more interesting.'

```````````````````````````

Seeing the Light

Sara to husband, Norman, 'Let's go out and have some fun tonight.'

'Okay,' says Norman quietly, ' but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.'

``````````````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


Well I was scheduled Monday & Tuesday from 10:00 till 7:00. Just before 8:00 this morning, my manager calls me and tells me I can come in earlier if I want to. I asked 'what's up?'


He told me one of the stockers, working on a lift truck, hit a sprinkler head on the firewater line and flooded our whole department. lol


I made it to work by 9:00, and proceeded to start getting all the product off of the floor, and out of the way for clean up. yes


It was a minor disaster. No wait! Is that an oxymoron? think


It's going to take a few days get it all cleaned up, and back to normal. yes


The store manager was asking someone else to come in at 5:00 Tuesday, so I offered to do the same, and he said yes. hamster


That means I'll get off early. Also means get to bed......now!! shocked


Have a joy day everyone.


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1049507
01/11/16 10:14 PM
01/11/16 10:14 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Have a terrific Tuesday Joe and everyone. wave

It's Monday night, and I'm off to sleep for yet another work day. It's going to be my only long day this week. Hours were cut since it's the beginning of the year, but I suspect they'll pick up again in a few weeks. It's a shame, but at the same time, it's nice to have a little bit of a break from all the craziness of the holidays. lol

Okay, off to sleep. Have a great Tuesday, everyone. winter


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Tuesday's [Re: venus] #1049526
01/11/16 11:13 PM
01/11/16 11:13 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Have a agreat Tuesday everyone. thumbsup


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1049527
01/11/16 11:22 PM
01/11/16 11:22 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
JOe, isn't it nice to pick and choose if you wanted to come in an extra day? I bet the guy that hit the sprinkler head feels really bad!

Venus, enjoy the break while you have one!

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1049546
01/12/16 03:46 AM
01/12/16 03:46 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning,have all a very nice day. joy


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1049559
01/12/16 06:15 AM
01/12/16 06:15 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, venus, SpaceQ, Ana, Haroula and everyone. Joe nice you'll be off early today. Venus great to here you are having less stress to deal with at work. SpaceQ enjoy your day. Ana hope you can relax today. Haroula have a nice day too. Coffee and tea are ready - hot chocolate too! Happy Day wished for All! happydance12 wave


Gerry
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1049565
01/12/16 07:15 AM
01/12/16 07:15 AM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Good morning all. It's cold out there. Bundle up everyone. I have a split shift today. Time to get ready. Hope you all have a wonderful day. I'm looking for my BB pancakes.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1049572
01/12/16 07:59 AM
01/12/16 07:59 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Tuesday. Ada, Barbara, and I are taking Best friend for a belated Birthday lunch. It's a surprise. We're going to the Chinese Buffet. Danish, BB Pancakes, and Waffles in the NC. It's 38 here this morning. penguin


Connie
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1049586
01/12/16 08:58 AM
01/12/16 08:58 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers shiver

Joe, Hope the cleanup at work goes well.

Ana, have a nice day!

Venus, enjoy the shorter hours.

Space, hasve a great day!

Haroula, happy day to you.

Gerry, coffee is appreciated.

Connie, enjoy your Chinese Buffet. Happy Birthday to your friend.

Midgie, wishing you a wonderful day.

Hope everyone enjoys the day! happydance12


Gail
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1049621
01/12/16 12:34 PM
01/12/16 12:34 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Terrific Tuesday ya'll puppy

Cold cold cold. Will try to get the monkeys out for a walk later this afternoon when it's warmer. We do have beautiful blue skies and bright sun so it will be wonderful to be out in that.

I'm looking up Chili recipes. Found a couple that look interesting.

Joe, I'm with Ranjit. Hate it when folks get in a 6 item lane with 300 items. Flooded, eek!

Venus, enjoy the free time your shorter days will bring.

Space, hope your day is woot-worthy.

Ana, is James better yet?

Haroula, wave

Gerry, hot chocolate joy

Midge, stay warm! Hope the shifts are easy peasy. How are your skin grafts?

Connie, sounds like a wonderful day. Enjoy!

Gail, what's on your calendar for the day?

Off to feed the monkeys lab


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1049623
01/12/16 12:53 PM
01/12/16 12:53 PM
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 7,707
The Country
Winfrey Offline
BAAG Specialist
Winfrey  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 7,707
The Country
Morning everyone... yep pretty cold out here but nice as the sun is out... although I am still sitting here playing on the computer..lol.
Hmmm... chili sounds good..think I will go make some for lunch.

Anyone watch the game last night. I usually don't watch football but this was a Great game!! Had me at the edge of my seat the whole game...


Would that I could be the peacemaker in your soul that I might turn the discord and the rivalry of your elements into oneness and melody
Gibran
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1049631
01/12/16 01:31 PM
01/12/16 01:31 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Winfrey, we watched. I yelled at the screen a lot rotfl It was a good game. A race to the end.


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1049632
01/12/16 01:33 PM
01/12/16 01:33 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Wow Joe that must have been something. lol Nice of you to go in early and help with the clean-up!! Thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

venus enjoy the little slow down while you can. Before you know it you will be busy, busy!! Have a lovely day!

Space have a lovely day!

Ana hope James is feeling better and you have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry thank you for the HOT coffee as it hits the spot in the cold! Only -5 but with the wind it is like -20!!! eek Have a lovely day!

Midge may work be fun and you have a lovely day!

Connie sounds like a fun afternoon!! Enjoy!! Thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Gail hope it is nice out there and you have a lovely day!

L4l I hope it warms up for a walk!! Have a lovely day!

Winfrey have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1049633
01/12/16 01:45 PM
01/12/16 01:45 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Oh my gosh, Nan, at -5 I would not be out of bed. I'm waiting on the afternoon for 55 lol wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1049634
01/12/16 01:53 PM
01/12/16 01:53 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
It's 6 degrees here and I've already taken a hike with the dogs and now going to play in the woods alone with my camera. We got about 3-4 inches of snow last night so it's a clean blanket. joy The sun is shining so it's lovely!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday's [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1049648
01/12/16 03:28 PM
01/12/16 03:28 PM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and hope you have a terrific Tuesday's!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

I'm off this week so I slept in! Lovely!

Expecting more rain latter part of the week, but this morning there are blue skies and snow-powdered mountains! Gorgeous!

Alrighty, off to see what's afoot!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1049655
01/12/16 04:09 PM
01/12/16 04:09 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Woot woot for Sleeping In! wave

Back from the park. We had it to ourselves. The day is lovely, sun is bright, sky is blue and temps are near 60. Time to do some research wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1049671
01/12/16 07:33 PM
01/12/16 07:33 PM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
It's snowing here! Looks beautiful. winter

Wishing everyone a great night! happydance12


Gail
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1049673
01/12/16 08:06 PM
01/12/16 08:06 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
So glad it's pretty! joy


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: looney4labs] #1049675
01/12/16 08:31 PM
01/12/16 08:31 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers.


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1049688
01/12/16 10:06 PM
01/12/16 10:06 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Evening, Space wave

Feels like time to fort up in bed with a book. Sweet dreams all sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
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