ALBERT EINSTEIN
Why is it nobody understands me and everybody likes me?
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Many of us learned about collective nouns at school. One of the many oddities of the English language is the multiplicity of different names given to collections or groups, be they animals, birds, people or things. Many of these examples of collective nouns are evocative, and extremely clever.
You may have a distant memory of the common pairings, such as: a parliament of rooks; a run of poultry; a herd of bison; a pod of dolphins; a colony of ants; a swarm of bees; a school of cod; a shoal of herrings; a tribe of natives; a cortège of mourners and many, many others.
However, Will and Guy have thought up some new, different, amusing and perhaps quirky English collective nouns, hopefully, this list of collective nouns will make you smile!
A jam of tarts
A sentence of judges
A load of cobblers
An expectation of midwives
An annoyance of neighbors
A melody of violinists
An impatience of wives
A conflagration of arsonists
An illusion of magicians
A horde of misers
An Exaggeration of fishermen
An exaggeration of fishermen
A yearning of yesterdays
A ponder of philosophers
A nucleus of physicists
A portfolio of stockbrokers
A flush of plumbers
A corps of anatomists
A bodge of DIYers
A scoop of journalists
A decanter of publicans
A List of Collective Nouns Featuring Animals and People
About half of these assemblages are true, they are unlikely, but they are accepted as collective nouns. The other half are funny collective nouns, but they don't actually exist on official lists - however much we wish they did. See if you can separate the true examples of collective nouns from the false.
Flocks Herds Litters and Schools
An absence of professors
An aggregate of geologists
An ambush of tigers
An army of frogs
An asylum of programmers
A blessing of unicorns
A bloat of bureaucrats
A brace of orthodontists
A circus of monkeys
A clowder of cats
A clutch of mechanics
A complex of psychiatrists
A crash of rhinoceroses
A corps of morticians
A dilation of pupils
A flush of plumbers
A Cache of Jewels
A flutter of cardiologists
A gaze of raccoons
A horde of savers
An indifference of waitresses
A labor of moles
A lot of second-hand car dealers
A murder of crows
A nucleus of physicists
A raffle of turkeys
A rake of mules
A tribe of goats
A thirst of Irish
An unkindness of ravens
A wake of buzzards
A walk of snails
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Words: Short, But So Succinct Word Jokes:
Pythagoras: 24 words
The Lord's Prayer: 66 words
Archimedes' Principle: 67 words
The Ten Commandments: 179 words
Lincoln's Gettysburg Address: 286 words
The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words
The U.S. government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words
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Shop Signs - Play on Words
Outside a dress shop, Hong Kong: LADIES HAVE FITS UPSTAIRS.
Tailor shop, Rhodes: ORDER YOUR SUMMERS SUIT. BECAUSE IS BIG RUSH, WE WILL EXECUTE CUSTOMERS IN STRICT ROTATION.
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO THE USSR, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT.
Cocktail lounge, Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
At a Budapest zoo: PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS.
IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.
Where's the English Channel? I don't know - our television doesn't pick it up.
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Tales from the Front Line - More Word Jokes
'No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection.'
- Joe Gay
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'Tracers work both ways.'
- U.S. Army Ordnance
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'Five second fuses only last three seconds.'
- Infantry Journal
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'Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you.'
- Your Buddies
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'If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush.'
- Infantry Journal
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'Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky.'
-- From an old carrier sailor
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Phyllis Diller Humour
Best way to get rid of kitchen odours: Eat out.
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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Good morning everyboomie.
MaG this is what I think of our newest smiley.
Thank you!
I've gotta get up early again, so I'm trying to get sleepy. I slept pretty good last night.
Oh yeah, I found another nice point today at the creek.
That never gets old. Finding old points I mean.
My son got me a book on arrowhead classification, and valuation.
So far I have surmised that most of my points are over 1000 years old. Many are older than that........like my sister.
How old does that make me? She's my baby sister.
There, I worked that little guy in.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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witter
Have an easy peasy day!
Connie I missed the BBpancakes this morning. Sorry. I'll have some tomorrow morning.
Midgie