Explaining Appetizers
It would be kinda embarrassing trying to explain what an appetizer is to someone from a starving country. “Yeah, the appetizer. That’s the food we eat before we have our food … No, no, you’re thinking of dessert. That’s food we eat after we have our food.”
Jim Gaffigan
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A little girl came home from school and said to her mother:
'Mummy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do.'
The mother exclaimed, 'But that's terrible. I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this ... by the way, what was it that you didn't do?'
The little girl replied, 'My homework.'
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Out of the Mouths............:
Mother: 'Why are you home from school so early?'
Son: 'I was the only one who could answer a question.'
Mother: 'Oh, really? What was the question?'
Son: 'Who threw the blackboard duster at the teacher?'
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Jasper Barnett, a young lad from St. Alban's, England was asked by his teacher to spell the word 'straight.' Jasper did so without error.
'Well done!' smiled the teacher, 'Now, Jasper, what does it mean?'
'Without water in it!' responded Jasper immediately.
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A newspaper boy was standing on the corner with a large pile of papers, shouting, 'Read all about it. Twenty five people cheated. Twenty five people cheated.'
Intrigued, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. What he saw was yesterday's paper. The man said, 'Hey, this is an old paper, where's the story about the big swindle?' The newspaper boy ignored him and went on yelling out, 'Read all about it. Twenty six people cheated.'
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An educational psychologist is asked to see a pupil who draws all his pictures with black and brown crayons. He talks to him. Nothing obvious. He gives him projective tests. Nothing shows up.
Finally, in desperation, he gives him some paper and a box of crayons.
'Oh goody, 'says the boy, 'I get an old box of crayons in school and only the black and brown were left.'
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The young couple invited their aged Vicar for Sunday lunch. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son, what they were having.
'Goat, 'the little boy replied.
'Goat?' replied the startled man of the cloth, 'Are you sure about that?'
'Yep', said the youngster. 'I definitely heard Dad say to Mum, we might as well have the old goat for dinner today as any other day.'
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Jemima's Year 6 homework task was to make sentences using the words in her spelling list, along with the definition. Coming across the word "frugal" in the list, she asked her father what it meant. He explained that being frugal meant you saved something.
Jemima's paper read, 'Frugal: to save.' Sentence: 'Little Red Riding Hood fell into a hole when she was walking in the woods so she yelled for someone to come get her out. She cried, 'Frugal me, Frugal me!'
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Children On Children
This poem was nominated, by United Nations, as the best poem of 2006 was written by an African child
When I born, I black
When I grow up, I black
When I go in Sun, I black
When I scared, I black
When I sick, I black
And when I die, I still black
And you white fellow
When you born, you pink
When you grow up, you white
When you go in sun, you red
When you cold, you blue
When you scared, you yellow
When you sick, you green
And when you die, you gray
And you calling me coloured?
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A Mother of a Small Boy Says1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house, 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound [3 stone] boy wearing batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 foot room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh' , it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCRs do not eject 'PB & J' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens
20. The fire department in Austin, Texas has a 5-minute response time.Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
25. Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without permission.
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Good morning everyboomie.
It's FRIDAYYYY!
The next 3 days, 2 of which I'm off, are going to be sunny, and 71 to 74 degrees.
We have hardly had a Winter at all. It's been exceptionally mild even for Southern Oklahoma.
We are getting things ready for the Spring selling season at Lowe's, but I have to say I'm not ready for things to start getting any warmer at all. I like the temperatures just fine right now.
If we are having 70 degree temperatures in January, then what is Spring and Summer going to be like? I shudder to think.
Last year when I got home after noon, I didn't even want to take Baby for a walk because of the heat.
You've all heard that old saying I'm sure, 'if you can't stand the heat, get out of Southern Oklahoma.'
This is how I translate that saying for me....if you can't stand the heat, don't stand out in the heat.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe