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Sunday Sunshine #1052673
01/31/16 12:09 AM
01/31/16 12:09 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

I wasted time, and now doth time waste me.

````````````````````````````

Children's Humour

Mary climbed on Dave's "Stagecoach" bus with seven kids.
Dave asked her, 'Are these all yours, Missus? Or is it a picnic?'
'They're all mine' Mary replied. 'And I can assure you that it's no picnic.'

One day at school, Moira is talking to her best friend Tara. 'Tara, have you heard the joke about the dustbin lorry?' [garbage truck]
'No I haven't,' replies Tara.
'Don't worry,' continues Moira, 'it's a load of rubbish.

Louise, aged 11, was asked the difference between Madame and Mademoiselle in her French lesson at Mayville High School.
'Monsieur.' Louise answered.

Jack, who was 9 years old, was asked in his Environmental Studies lesson at Wicor School, to write a short essay for homework on the effect of oil pollution.
So Jack wrote: 'When my mum opened a tin of sardines last night it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead.'

`````````````````````````

Ten Short Funny Children's Jokes

What flies through the jungle singing opera?
The parrots of Penzance.

'Did you hear about the dog who went to a flea circus?'
'No, what happened?'
'He stole the show.'

A cannibal caught a missionary in the jungle. He said to him, 'What's the best way to eat you? Boiled or roasted?'
The missionary said, 'To tell you the truth, I'm a friar.'

How did Quasimodo know the end was near? He had a hunch.

My brother came running in and said, 'Mum, there's a man outside with a broken arm called Brian.'
My mum said, 'That's a funny name for a broken arm.'

My mum was in hospital, and the doctor said, 'Listen, I want you to drink a Guinness after your bath every day.'
My mum said, 'If I drink my bath I won't have room for a Guinness.'

My brother said, 'I want a job as a human cannonball.' I said, 'I'll bet you get fired.'

What did they call prehistoric sailing disasters? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

Give me a sentence with the word "analyze" in it. My sister Anna lies in bed until nine o'clock.

What did they award the man that invented the door knocker? The No-bell Prize.

`````````````````````````

Bobby, nine, opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.

'Hey, Mum, look what I've found!' Bobby called out. 'What have you got there, dear?' his mother asked. Astonishment written all over his face, he answered: 'I think it's Adam's suit!'

````````````````````````````

While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate hanging on the wall; it gave his full name. Thinking hard, I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 36 years ago.

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, grey-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school. 'Yes,' he replied.
'When did you graduate?' I asked.
He answered, 'In 1971. Why?'

'You were in my class!' I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely, and then that thoughtless idiot asked, 'What did you teach?'

``````````````````````

A group of Americans was travelling on a bus tour through France and were in the Loire Valley quite near to the town of Sancerre. They stopped at the nearby village of Chavignol and visited a cheese farm where the world famous 'Crottin de Chavignol' goat's cheese is made; their guide, who was the farmer's wife, led them through a process of cheese making, explaining how goat's milk was used.

Madame showed the group a picturesque hillside where many goats were grazing. These, she explained, were the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produced. Madame then asked, turning to the group, 'What do you do in the USA with your old goats that aren't producing?'

One spry and very quick elderly gentleman answered, 'They send us on bus tours.'

``````````````````````````

Visiting Doctor Ross last month Paula, a long retired schoolteacher, explained in some detail her problems while he listened very patiently.

'Now, Paula,' said Doctor Ross, 'you say you have shooting pains in your neck, aching knees, frequent dizzy spells, and constant nausea. Just for the record, how old are you?'

'Ah, yes,' Paula spoke brightly, 'I'll be 49 on my next birthday.'

'Really?' commented the doctor quietly, 'I see you have slight memory loss, too.'

````````````````````````

A Wise Old Bird

High in the Himalayan mountains lived a wise old man. Periodically, he ventured down into the local village to entertain the villagers with his special knowledge and talents. One of his skills was to 'psychically' tell the villagers the contents in their pockets, boxes, or minds.

A few young boys from the village, decided to play a joke on the wise old man and discredit his special abilities.

One boy came up with the idea to capture a bird and hide it in his hands. He knew of course, the wise old man would know the object in his hands was a bird. The boy devised a plan.

Knowing the wise old man would correctly state the object in his hands was a bird, the boy would ask the old man if the bird was dead or alive. If the wise man said the bird was alive, the boy would crush the bird in his hands, so that when he opened his hands the bird would be dead; if the wise man said the bird was dead, the boy would open his hands and let the bird fly free. So no matter what the old man said, the boy would prove the old man a fraud.

The following week, the wise old man came down from the mountain into the village. The boy quickly caught a bird and cupping it out of sight in his hands, walked up to the wise old man and asked, 'Old man, old man, what is it that I have in my hands?'

The wise old man said, 'You have a bird,' and he was right.

The boy then asked, 'Old man, old man tell me, is the bird alive or is it dead?'
The wise old man looked at the boy and said, 'The bird is as you choose it.'

And so it is with your life.

``````````````````````````````

A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician, who was also a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little leaving speech at the dinner. He was delayed so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

'I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his place of business, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.'

Just as the priest finished his talk the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his speech.

'I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived, 'said the politician.' In fact, I had the honour of being the first one to go to him in confession.'

`````````````````````````

'How was your game, dear?' Jacqui asked her husband, Tony, after he had returned from playing golf.

'Well, I was hitting the ball pretty well, but my eyesight's got so bad I couldn't see where it went,' Tony answered.

'That's not surprising,' Jacqui replied. 'After all, you are 76 years old, Tony. Why don't you take my brother Stewart along?'

'Because he's 87 and doesn't play golf anymore,' Tony commented dryly.
'I know, but he's got perfect eyesight. He could watch the ball for you.' Jacqui added.

The next day Tony teed off with Stewart looking on. Tony swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway.

'Can you see it?' demanded Tony.
'Yeah,' Stewart said smiling.

'Well, where is it?' Tony asked, peering off into the distance in search of the ball that was now out of his eyesight range.
'I forget.' mumbled Stewart.

````````````````````````````````

Two elderly gentlemen, Tony and George, from the retirement day centre in Waterlooville, Hampshire, are sitting on a bench under a tree when Tony turns to George and says, 'Hey, George, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel these days?'

Tony replies with a glint in his eye, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'

'Really?' George sounds surprised. 'Like a newborn baby?'

'Yeah,' laughs Tony, 'No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

``````````````````````````````

Jackie, an elderly lady was standing at the rail of the cruise ship holding her hat so that it wouldn't blow away in the wind.

Edward, a gentleman approaches her and says, 'Pardon me, madam, I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this wind?'

'Yes, I know,' replies Jackie firmly, 'But I need my hands to hold onto my hat.'

'But madam,' remarks Edward, 'you must know that your derriere is exposed.'

Jackie looks directly at Edward, after a quick glance down and retorts, 'Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old, but I just bought this hat yesterday.'

``````````````````````````

One day a police panda car pulled up to Granny's home and Grampy got out. The constable explained that this elderly gentlemen had said he was lost in the Victoria park.

'Why, Ivor, 'said Granny, 'You've been going there for over 30 years! How on earth could you say you had got lost?'

Leaning close to Granny so the police officer couldn't hear, he whispered, 'Wasn't exactly lost. I was just too tired to walk home.'

`````````````````````````````

Stephanie, an elderly woman was telling her daughter, Joyce, about a date with a 90-year-old man. 'Believe it or not, I had to slap his face three times!' complained Stephanie with a smile.

'Do you mean that old man got fresh with you?' Joyce asked with disgust showing all over her face.

'Oh, no dear,' explained Stephanie, 'I couldn't keep him awake!

```````````````````````````````````

My wife said, 'Whaddya doing today?'

I said, 'Nothing.'

She said, 'You did that yesterday.'

I said, 'I haven't finished yet.'

````````````````````````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


We had an awesome Spring-like Saturday here in the boonies. woot


I went to the creek. I didn't want to waist time and gas driving around looking for a new place to hunt.


I enjoyed the day. Baby enjoyed the day, and we came home pooped out. tired


After I got back and ate a pizza, I took a good nap to get in the right frame of mind for bed time. cool


I don't believe there's such a thing as being over prepared. shame


We only get to spend roughly a third of our lives sleeping, and a nap is kind of like a slumber 'booster shot'. hamster


It's supplemental slumber time. sleep


It helps me minimize how much time I have to sleep on the job.


Have a happy day everyone.



joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1052674
01/31/16 12:23 AM
01/31/16 12:23 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning Joe! Glad you got out with the pups.

Errands today and if not raining, I'll be out with the dogs.

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1052677
01/31/16 12:52 AM
01/31/16 12:52 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Have a great Sunday Joe, Ana and all my fellow Boomers. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1052685
01/31/16 05:53 AM
01/31/16 05:53 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, na SpaceQ and everyone. Joe sounds like you had a perfect day! Ana have fun with the dogs! Space anjoy your day. Coffee and tea are ready! Wishing everyone a great day! hamster dance wave


Gerry
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1052695
01/31/16 07:40 AM
01/31/16 07:40 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Breakfast out, Costco, Best Buy, and a grocery store trip today. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Sunday. Danish, Scrambled Eggs, Bacon, Sausage, BB Pancakes, Hash Browns, and Biscuits in the NC. Biscuit Bottoms for L4L. hamster


Connie
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1052697
01/31/16 08:12 AM
01/31/16 08:12 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, sounds like you had a good day.

Ana, have an easy time running errands.

Space, happy Sunday!

Gerry, coffee please and enjoy your day.

Connie, enjoy breakfast and shopping today.

We'll be off to church soon. Wishing everyone a super duper Sunday!


Gail
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1052699
01/31/16 09:13 AM
01/31/16 09:13 AM
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 7,707
The Country
Winfrey Offline
BAAG Specialist
Winfrey  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 7,707
The Country
Morning everyone, connie you made me hungry..lol... beautiful day yesterday and looks like another nice one... have fun ya'll


Would that I could be the peacemaker in your soul that I might turn the discord and the rivalry of your elements into oneness and melody
Gibran
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: Winfrey] #1052705
01/31/16 10:29 AM
01/31/16 10:29 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Bacon smells good Connie. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1052726
01/31/16 01:08 PM
01/31/16 01:08 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Good morning everyone laugh

Joe...I like slumber booster shots

Ana...be safe whilst out n' about

Connie...looks like I beat L4L to the bottoms happydance

Gail...drive safe and we'll see you later

Have a great day Winfrey, SQF and Gerry

hearts L4L

wave


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: soot] #1052729
01/31/16 01:24 PM
01/31/16 01:24 PM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and have a super duper Sunday Sunshine!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Memorial service today. A colleague Hubby worked with many years ago..

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1052734
01/31/16 01:39 PM
01/31/16 01:39 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Super Sunday ya'll puppy

Joe, Love the "slumber booster shot." Gonna take lots of booster shots.

Ana, hope the day is dry and full of fun.

Space, enjoy your day.

Gerry, looks like a party at your place.

Connie, I was just talking about biscuit bottoms. Thanks joy

Gail, have a great day.

Winfrey, enjoy the day.

Soot kissy

Darlene, happy skooshing.

wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1052757
01/31/16 06:54 PM
01/31/16 06:54 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
My son has had a series of bad things happen to him in the last 18 months and 90% of it came from him helping people that others gave up on. He sees the good in everyone and it has costed him a lot. Yet, he would still help someone if needed. He is struggling to get back on his feet after being robbed by someone he took into his home that had no where to stay and now he had his whole months rent (1400 dollars) stolen from the employee locker room because he was headed to the bank to deposit it and got stuck in traffic and ended up going straight to work. He knows everyone there and considered them like family. How do you all deal with your kids ups and downs in life while standing by helplessly? It's breaking my heart. sad


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1052758
01/31/16 06:59 PM
01/31/16 06:59 PM
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 69,973
MaG Offline
Sonic Boomer
MaG  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 69,973
I'm so sad to hear that. Poor Shadow. Hugs to him and Mom.

Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1052761
01/31/16 07:07 PM
01/31/16 07:07 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
It's one thing when someone keeps messing up, but he has been an exceptionally caring human that I am very proud of, and it really hurts to see him month after month have something else keep him down. He was so optimistic for a new year and good things and it just makes me sick. I'm beyond having any words of encouragement for him.

THanks, MaG. hearts I need a guardian angel to look over him.


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1052762
01/31/16 07:15 PM
01/31/16 07:15 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Stay positive and encourage...we'll keep you in our prayers and thoughts!

wave


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1052764
01/31/16 07:19 PM
01/31/16 07:19 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
That is terrible news Ana. frown I hope somehow the person responsible is caught.


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1052765
01/31/16 07:26 PM
01/31/16 07:26 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
SpaceQ, they made everyone empty their pockets and checked their lockers but they had all evening to hide it or run to their vehicles. He works in a high end steakhouse in downtown Chicago and he closed. Others went home earlier. He didn't discover it until closing time. I don't think he will enjoy going back tomorrow. He had a lot of them over afterworks and such and was friends with them. It hurts to know one of them did that.

Soot hearts I feel like telling him people stink and that's life. That is about how I feel now.


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1052766
01/31/16 07:42 PM
01/31/16 07:42 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Unfortunately, some people do stink Ana...and that is a fact of life, but fortunately there are so many that don't and many that do need help...and your son is special to care!

wave2


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: soot] #1052781
01/31/16 09:18 PM
01/31/16 09:18 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
See you tomorrow Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1052790
01/31/16 10:56 PM
01/31/16 10:56 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Sweet dreams SpaceQ!


Don't feed the Trolls
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