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#1053766 - Yesterday at 10:53 PM Monday Morning
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30812
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma

My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.


Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.

'Wake up, son. It's time to go to school'
'But why, Mom? I don't want to go.'

'Give me two reasons why you don't want to go.'
'Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!'

'Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready.'
'Give me two reasons why I should go to school.'

'Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principle.'


Ten of The Best Funny, Clean Jokes and Thoughts

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. - Mark Twain

My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past twenty-five years. - Paul Merton

I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100. - Woody Allen

My school was so tough the school newspaper had an obituary section. - Norm Crosby

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

I'm not going to buy my kids an encyclopaedia. Let them walk to school like I did. - Yogi Berra

In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from the smallest to the tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower? - Warren Hutcherson

You learn something every day if you pay attention. - Ray LeBlond Mother misses children!

In youth we learn; in age we understand - Von Ebner-Eschenbach

If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers. - Edgar W. Howe


Funny Back to School Stories and Jokes

Holidays Are Over
The summer holiday was over and young Jack returned to Wicor school.

Only two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that Jack was misbehaving.

'Wait a minute,' mother said. 'I had Jack with me for six weeks and I never called you once when he misbehaved.

School Learning
Nathan comes home from his first day at school. Mother asks, 'What did you learn today?'
He replies, 'Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow.'

Mum: How did you find school today?
Youngster: I simply hopped off the bus - and there it was. Schoolboy howlers - Holidays

New Teacher?
Mia: I think we need a new teacher.
Mum: Why is that?
Mia: Our teacher doesn't know anything, she keeps asking us for the answers.

Doing Their Homework!
When Dad came home he was astonished to see Vic sitting on a horse, writing something.
'What on earth are you doing there?' he asked.

'Well, the teacher told us to write an essay on our favourite animal.' Answered Vic, 'That's why I'm here and that's why Sara's sitting in the goldfish bowl.'


A head teacher is making his rounds of the school when he hears a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms. He rushes in and spots one boy, taller than the others, who seems to be making the most noise.

He seizes the lad, drags him to the hall, and tells him to wait there until he is excused. Returning to the classroom, the head teacher restores order and lectures the class for half an hour about the importance of good behaviour.

'Now,' he says, 'are there any questions?'

One girl stands up timidly. 'Please sir,' she asks, 'may we have our teacher back?'


Excuse Notes - Why Pupils Are NOT Back at School

Please excuse Susie, she has been sick and under the doctor.
Please excuse Barry for being. It was his father's fault.
Cedric will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
Excuse: Why Pupil Failed Exam

What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?
'Dad, they questioned me for 3 hours, but I never told them anything!!'


Two Stories from the Music Department

Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. In fact, he was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practised on an old spinster, which he kept up in his attic.


Returning to School? - What the Experts Say

Education is a state-controlled manufactory of echoes. Norman Douglas

Strange as it seems, no amount of learning can cure stupidity, and higher education positively fortifies it. Stephen Vizinczey

Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten. BF Skinner

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week. Evan Esar

Education is the most powerful weapon you can use to change the world. Nelson Mandela

Education is not preparation for life, education is life itself. John Dewey

If little else, the brain is an educational toy. Tom Robbins


Teacher: Brett, your essay on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your sister's. Did you copy her?

Brett: No miss; it's the same dog.


Good morning everyboomie. wave2

Boy am I hung over after that wild Superbowl party celebration. shocked

I haven't been this hung over since New Years Evening, but then your belly hanging over your belt is pretty permanent, until you do some exercising,...........or get lipo. smirk

The VA refuses to pay for my lipo-suction, and I'm...ah....designing my exercise program as I type. thumbsup

It's a designer program. rah

I'm planning on doing a lot of physical activity that will have me breathing really heavy....THAT WILL HAVE MY HEART RATE GOING REALLY REALLY FAST. You know, jumping squats and stuff like that. taz

I'm changing my diet too. I'm eating more, but it's before I work out, because after I work out I'll throw half of it back up. hamster

I eat about 50% more, but after I throw up it's like I'm eating 25% less. dance

I'm excited.

Have an exciting, happy day everyone.


Edited by gymcandy1 (Yesterday at 11:00 PM)
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

#1053768 - Yesterday at 11:30 PM Re: Monday Morning [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 68971
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Happy Monday Joe and all!

Ana wave
Don't feed the Trolls

#1053772 - Today at 03:01 AM Re: Monday Morning [Re: gymcandy1]
RebKean Online   happy
Settled Boomer

Registered: 07/20/14
Posts: 268
Loc: Sweden
Morning all!

Sending my man out for some bananas. Keep your fingers crossed they won't be all green please! yay

#1053777 - Today at 05:08 AM Re: Monday Morning [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 19883
Loc: Marlborough USA
hamster Good Morning Joe, Ana, RebKean and everyone. Coffee and tea are ready.We are in for another snow storm today and possible power outages as the wind picks up. shiver winter Have a new 1000 piece puzzle to start today if we loose power. smile You all enjoy your day! hamster

#1053788 - Today at 06:09 AM Re: Monday Morning [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 16093
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers happydance12

Joe, you make me laugh in the morning.

Ana, have a wonderful day.

RebKean, happy day wishes!

Gerry, definitely need coffee this morning. Brace yourself for the storm. shiver

Wishing everyone a great day! School canceled again today for the new storm arriving. Hoping the power will stay on. winter

#1053794 - Today at 07:29 AM Re: Monday Morning [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8803
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Monday. Danish, Cinnamon Buns, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. hamster

#1053811 - Today at 11:26 AM Re: Monday Morning [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 14270
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Good morning everybody!!!

Joe thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Ana how was Starved Rock??? Have a lovely day!

RebKean fingers crossed!! Have a lovely day!

Gerry hope the power remains on in the storm. Ours is just leaving. Thanks for the coffee and have a lovely day!

Gail hope the storm isn't too bad and the power remains on for you! Snow days can be fun, enjoy!!! Have a lovely day!

Connie thanks for the goodies and have a lovely day!

May everybody have a lovely day!!


#1053819 - Today at 12:56 PM Re: Monday Morning [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 44604
Loc: Alabama
Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

I've been up for a bit. Spent several hours in the kitchen finishing off the cleaning we started last night and making notes for next year, making yogurt, doing stain control, feeding dogs, etc.

Those wings were good but they made a mess. Next year, I'm going to fry them (instead of cooking them in the oven). Now have the top oven cleaning, and will follow that one with the bottom oven.

I'm hoping to get the monkeys out for a walk as tomorrow is supposed to be really cold. They said the "S" word, though it won't stick. But it will be cold enough that I won't stick my nose out the door.

Book cooking will fill most of the rest of the day, though I have to get a couple of V'day Boxes gathered for hubby to wrap so we can get them in the mail.

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

#1053833 - 31 minutes 34 seconds ago Re: Monday Morning [Re: gymcandy1]
RebKean Online   happy
Settled Boomer

Registered: 07/20/14
Posts: 268
Loc: Sweden
I know you are all very interested, so I thought I'd tell you that the bananas were.....yellow.
It's not the perfect brown-ish colour that I want, but hey, they weren't green. thumbsup


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