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#1053883 - 02/08/16 10:07 PM Tuesday's
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30992
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
A watched pot never boils, but it does get paranoid.
~Lesley Wake~


Three building contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from New York, another from Texas, and the third from Florida.

At the end of the tour, the security guard asked them what they did for a living. When they all replied that they were contractors, the guard said, 'Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don't you guys take a look at it and give me a bid?'

So, to the back fence they all went to check it out.

First to step up was the Florida contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, 'Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.'

Next was the Texas contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, 'Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.

Without so much as moving, the New York contractor said, '$2,700.'

The guard, incredulous, looked at him and said, 'You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?'

'Easy,' he said $1,000 for me, $1,000 for you and we hire the guy from Texas.'


At an exhibition of military painting a visitor was admiring a picture.

'What a great realist that painter is!' he exclaimed.

'What painter?'

'The one that painted this picture 'Soldiers at Work'.'

'Yes, but something is wrong there. Those soldiers aren't working at all!'

'That is just the greatest stroke of realism in the picture!'


From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot.

The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones.

Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.

The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.


Truisms, One-liners and Witticisms

Never try to teach a pig to sing - it wastes your time and annoys the pig.
Never go to Dudley. It's not the end of the world, but you can see it from there.
Dog owners! Your monstrously large hound is not more afraid of me than I am of it.
The trick is to find the right man in the right pub.
Never pretend you can horse-ride.
People who say, 'I'm beside myself, 'are often mistaken; with the notable exception of time travellers and Siamese twins.
If you can't believe it's not butter, you're an idiot.
Cats know more than they let on.
Beginning a sentence, 'Now, don't get angry...' will always have the reverse effect.
Nobody has ever read the small print of a mobile-phone insurance contract.
You can't skip and be unhappy at the same time.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither works.
Too many cooks spoil the TV schedules.
Never ever mix sleeping pills and laxatives.
Nothing productive can come from just nipping in for a quick pint at two in the afternoon.
There's nothing you could wish for in life that you couldn't buy from a man in a pub.
You can live your life through a computer.
Lenny Henry isn't very funny.
Sarcasm may be the lowest form of wit... but it's still funny.


Surprising Utterances of Famous People

'Churchill? He is a busted flush' .- Lord Beaverbrook in 1932, explaining why he would not give the man a job on his newspaper. Ten years later he was Prime Minister and Beaverbrook was below him in the government.

'My uncle is a peaceful man, he thinks war's not worth the candle' . - Willie Hitler speaking about his uncle Adolf, in 1937.

'Space travel is utter bilge' - Dr. Richard Wooley, Astronomer Royal, 1956. The first sputnik was launched in 1957 by Russia [USSR].

'No woman in my time will be Prime Minister.' - Margaret Thatcher in 1969. She became Prime Minister in 1979.

More Truisms from Famous People

Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten.
BF Skinner

I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
Tom Stoppard

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
Franklin P. Jones

Invention is the mother of necessity.
Thorstein Veblen

2 is not equal to 3, not even for large values of 2.
Grabel's Law

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
Henry J. Tillman

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
Jackie Mason

Most people have seen worse things in private than they pretend to be shocked at in public.
Edgar Watson Howe


Good morning everyboomie. welcome

It's a nuther get up and go to work day for me. They've got me doing 9:00 to 5:00 this week, so I don't have to work freight. They don't want me to hurt my back again, which is still hurting, but much much better. yes

"Working 9 to 5, what a way to make a living." snicker

My ASM (senior manager) was asking me how I was doing. I made a comment about being in worse condition because I wasn't working as many hours now. She says, I'll hire you back at full time if you want. lol

It's nice to be missed.........but "no!" wink

I'm not crazy at all about 9 to 5 schedules though. shame

I can't really do anything before going in to work, but at least I have time to walk my doggies after I get home. lab

Actually they walk me. The little one likes to run in circles around me and wrap me up in her leash. shocked

Have a great day everyone.

"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

#1053886 - 02/08/16 11:31 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 69953
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
lol My dogs are such a pain when they are leashes! It is nice be missed though, glad your work knows what they have!

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave
Don't feed the Trolls

#1053904 - 02/09/16 05:37 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 20478
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana and everyone. Coffee and tea are ready. We had a couple more inches of snow during the night after the snow we got yesterday during the day. winter We are expecting more again today and it sure is getting cold! shiver Wishing you all a warm sunny day to enjoy! wave2 wave2

#1053913 - 02/09/16 06:48 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8986
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. It's going to be a cold and windy week here. shiver To all here and all who follow, have a Great Tuesday. Danish, BB Pancakes, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. hamster

#1053918 - 02/09/16 07:43 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 16455
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers winter

Joe, glad your job will be easier on your back today.

Ana, happy day wishes.

Gerry, coffee please! Snow is getting to me.

Connie, want some snow to go along with your cold and windy? Getting sick of the snow already. tantrum

Wishing everyone a great day. Got the snow cleared, girls off to school and have a few errands to run this morning. happydance12

#1053930 - 02/09/16 08:52 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: GBC]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30992
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
Good morning everybody. wave2

It's a beautiful morning here, but yesterday was cold and extremely windy. I went to bed with a scratchy throat, and woke up sick with a very sore throat, and sinus congestion. razz

I woke up at about 4:30 or 5:00, and I've been up since 6:00. I leave for work in about 45 minutes. yes

Gotta go drink another gallon of coffee real quick. It feels good on my throat. wink

Cheers everyone.

Have a great day. wave2

"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

#1053944 - 02/09/16 10:21 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 45055
Loc: Alabama
Terrific Tuesday ya'll puppy

It's cold in AL. They are saying the "S" word, though it is bright and sunny out there, so the snow must be north of us. They are also saying 20 to 30 mph winds with a high of 40. Today will be a stay in the house day. Laundry, desk clearing, and cooking books will commence.

Joe, glad your back is getting better. 9 to 5 means you don't have to get up before the sun. That's got to be good. Hot salt water gargles might help your throat. Gentle hugs!

Ana wave

Gerry, stay warm.

Connie, you stay warm too. Is your hot tub up and running?

Gail, run safely and have fun.

Back later. Off to cook books!
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

#1053952 - 02/09/16 11:26 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 14379
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe glad your back is getting better! May work fly and all go well. Thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Ana it isn't set up yet. lol I been working on getting the other one working so I can get information off it and, I am glad to say, I got it working again!!! As soon as I figure all that out I will set up the new one. I don't want to turn the old one off as it might not come on again. lol Have a lovely day!

Gerry how much all together?? Thanks for the coffee and have a lovely day!

Connie we are in the deep freeze for the week. Stay warm. Thanks for the goodies and have a lovely day!

Gail hope the snow is over and you have a lovely day!

L4l hope you stay warm!!! Have a lovely day!!

I am off to get things ready for our orientation dinner tonight. Have a lovely day everybody!!!


#1053954 - 02/09/16 11:48 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: auntiegram]
Darlene Online   content
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 10085
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Glad to hear your back is doing much better! Hope your Tuesday's goes smoothly for you!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Was in the low 80's here the last few days. Gorgeous blue skies! Amazing February weather. yes

Alrighty, off to see what's afoot!
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

#1054008 - 02/09/16 03:54 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: Darlene]
Space Quest Fan Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 12809
Loc: Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

#1054064 - 02/09/16 10:01 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: Space Quest Fan]
Space Quest Fan Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 12809
Loc: Upper Arlington, Ohio
See you all tomorrow. sleep
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.


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