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Thumping Thursday #1054250
02/11/16 12:09 AM
02/11/16 12:09 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
The baby is great. My wife and I have just started potty training. Which I think is important because when we want to potty train the baby, we should set an example.

—Howie Mandell

```````````````````````

Diana, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, 'Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?'

'I would love to do that,' replied Diana's husband, 'but she won't let me.'

``````````````````````

A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from a hotel chain.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

``````````````````````

Mike and Pauline were relating their holiday experiences to a friend.

'It sounds as if you had a great time in Nevada,' the friend observed. 'But didn't you tell me you were planning to visit Philadelphia?

'Well,' Mike interrupted, 'we changed our plans because, uh......oh........umm.'

Pauline spoke up, 'Come on, Mike, tell him the truth.'

Mike fell silent and Pauline continued, 'You know, it's just stupid. Mike simply won't ever ask for directions.'

`````````````````````

Magistrate: But if you saw the lady driving towards you, why didn't you give her half the road?

Motorist: I was going to, Your Honour, as soon as I could find out which half she wanted.

``````````````````````````````

Andrea, with great alacrity, leaned over, took a deep breath, made a wish and threw in a penny.

Toby also decided to make a wish, but he leaned over too far, fell into the well, and drowned.

Andrea was stunned for a moment but then smiled, 'It really works!'

``````````````````````````

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?' The other replied, 'Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.'

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

My mind not only wanders - it sometimes leaves me completely.

````````````````````````

(1) In a poll held in the USA, men and women were asked if they would marry the same person if they had it to do all over again.

80% of the men responded that they would marry the same woman.

Interestingly, only 50% of the women said that they would marry the same man. Oh dear!

(2) Gamophobia is the fear of marriage.

(3) 'When women hold back from marrying men, we call it independence. Yet, when men hold off marrying women, we call it fear of commitment.' Warren Farrell (American Psychologist)

```````````````````````````

My new wife Jenny told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit. Then I caught her spending $75 on makeup. So I asked, how come I had to give up stuff and not her.

She said she needed the makeup to look pretty for me.

I told her that was what the beer was for.

I don't think Jenny's coming back.

``````````````````````````

Judge Jeffries was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asks, 'What exactly are the grounds for your divorce?'

Amy replied, 'Approximately four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.'

'No,' Judge Jeffries continued, 'I mean what is the foundation of this case?'
'It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,' responded Amy promptly.

'I mean,' he sighed, 'What are your relations like?'
'Ah well, I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents.'

Judge Jeffries asked, 'Do you have a real grudge?'
'No, we haven't,' Amy replied, 'We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.'

'Please,' Judge Jeffries took a deep breath and tried again, 'is there any infidelity in your marriage?'
'Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes,' smiled Amy.

'Ma'am,' Judge Jeffries raised his voice, 'does your husband ever beat you up?'
'Oh yes,' Amy responded, 'about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.'

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, 'Lady, why do you want a divorce?'
'Oh, I don't want a divorce,' Amy replied. 'I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me.'

``````````````````````````

Thoughts About Women

TEARS:
The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is
defeated by feminine water-power!

MARRIAGE:
It's an agreement wherein
a man loses his bachelors degree
and a woman gains her masters

ECSTASY:
A feeling when you feel you are going to feel
a feeling you have never felt before.

YAWN:
The only time when some married men
ever get to open their mouth.

EXPERIENCE:
The name men give to their
Mistakes.

SMILE:
A curve that can set
a lot of things straight!

``````````````````````

Good morning every little boomie..........and the big ones too of course. welcome


I just started a 3 day weekend, which was a 2 day weekend, until my department manager asked me if I would switch days off with him so he could have Valentines Day off. joy


Yaaaaaa! I love him so much!


Did I say that out loud?? oops


Just kidding of course. snicker


Really!


REALLY!!! slapforehead


Bald headed men never did that much for me. think


Come to think of it, bald headed women never did much for me either.


Bald heads and bow legs I never found appealing. blush


I know some women who like them though, because I have both. grin


Have a happy day everyone.



joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 02/11/16 12:14 AM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Thumping Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #1054251
02/11/16 12:54 AM
02/11/16 12:54 AM
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 69,973
MaG Offline
Sonic Boomer
MaG  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 69,973
Thanks Joe! Enjoy your 3 day weekend!

Hello everyone! Enjoy the day! wave2

Re: Thumping Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #1054264
02/11/16 05:57 AM
02/11/16 05:57 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, MaG, and everyone. Joe enjoy your long weekend. lab MaG have a great day. hamster Coffee and tea are ready. Got to walk yesterday in spite of the snow. This morning we are expecting snow squalls and snow showers and the temperatures are dropping. shiver Hopefully we can get to walk. Have a nice day everyone! happydance12


Gerry
Re: Thumping Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #1054274
02/11/16 08:18 AM
02/11/16 08:18 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Thursday. It's cold enough to snow, winter if there was any moisture in the air. Danish, Bacon Sandwiches, and BB Pancakes in the NC. penguin


Connie
Re: Thumping Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #1054276
02/11/16 08:25 AM
02/11/16 08:25 AM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Good morning all. Thank you connie, for the bb pancakes. I really missed them. I'm off to get some advice from glitches to answer my question about how I get my short cuts to websites. My desktop looks so barren. Have a great day everyone. I have yet another dr's appointment this morning from the pulmonary department.

Midgie hearts shiver


Just do it.
Re: Thumping Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #1054283
02/11/16 08:51 AM
02/11/16 08:51 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers penguin

Joe, enjoy your time off.

MaG wishing you a wonderful day!

Gerry, stay warm. It's going to get really cold.

Connie, good day wishes.

Midgie, good luck at the Doc's. Hope you can get all your stuff back on your computer.

Weather here is going to get a lot colder than it's been. shiver


Gail
Re: Thumping Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #1054301
02/11/16 10:46 AM
02/11/16 10:46 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning everyone! I thought I posted before I went to bed but I guess I didn't submit it. lol
Cold day here, but sunny, which is great! TRivia tonight, before that I'll be doing my usual dog run and night hike. Last night I cam out of the woods into the main path and made a poor coyote jump all 4 feet off the ground. We scared each other! rotfl

Have a happy day everyone!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Thumping Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #1054310
02/11/16 11:58 AM
02/11/16 11:58 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe enjoy the long weekend! Thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

MaG have a lovely day!

Gerry glad you were able to get a walk in and hope the same for today! Cold here too so thanks for the hot coffee. Have a lovely day!

Connie I see it cooled down then. Thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Midge enjoy them!! Good luck with the doc appointment! Have a lovely day!

Gail stay warm and have a lovely day!

Ana sounds like a fun day, enjoy! We were at -8 this morning feeling like -21. shiver Enjoy trivia tonight and be safe in those woods. Have a lovely day!

I am off to feed the vampire and then a doc appointment!!! Have a lovely day everybody!!!

shiver
Nan

Re: Thumping Thursday [Re: auntiegram] #1054312
02/11/16 12:50 PM
02/11/16 12:50 PM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and enjoy your long weekend! Happy Thumping Thursday!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Thumping Thursday [Re: Darlene] #1054333
02/11/16 05:23 PM
02/11/16 05:23 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Thumping Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #1054335
02/11/16 06:24 PM
02/11/16 06:24 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Afternoon, Space wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Thumping Thursday [Re: looney4labs] #1054337
02/11/16 07:17 PM
02/11/16 07:17 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Hi looney wave2


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Thumping Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #1054339
02/11/16 07:28 PM
02/11/16 07:28 PM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,026
Unionville
manxman Offline
Sonic Boomer
manxman  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,026
Unionville
Good evening boomers. It's cold here brrrr winter


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: Thumping Thursday [Re: manxman] #1054354
02/11/16 09:43 PM
02/11/16 09:43 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night Boomers. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Thumping Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #1054359
02/11/16 10:16 PM
02/11/16 10:16 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
It's that time. Night all sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
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