Marriage is very difficult. It’s like a 5,000–piece jigsaw puzzle, all sky.
CATHY LADMAN
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Halfway between New York City and Washington, D.C., the train’s engine fell silent.
“I’ve got good news and bad news,” the conductor announced. “The bad news is we lost power.” My fellow passengers groaned.
“The good news,” he added, “is we weren’t cruising at 30,000 feet.”
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Fresh from a visit to the dentist, I decided to stop at my bank. Barely able to enunciate, I told the teller, “I’m sorry about not speaking more clearly. I’ve had Novocaine.”
“You should have used the drive-through,” she said.
“Why?”
“Everyone who goes through sounds like that,” she explained.
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I provide technical support for the computer software published by my company. One day, over the phone, I was helping a customer install a product on a Macintosh. The procedure required him to delete an old file. On the Mac there is an icon of a trash can that is used to collect items to be permanently deleted.
I told the customer to click on the old file and drag it to the trash. Then I had him perform a few other steps. As a reminder, I said, "Don’t forget to empty the trash.
Obediently he replied, "Yes, dear."
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An aching back sent me stumbling to the drugstore for relief. After a search I found what I was looking for: a selection of heating pads specifically for people with back pain—all on the bottom shelf.
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My new credit card arrived in the mail with a large sticker on it, giving the phone number to activate the card. I called the number and got one option: ‘Press One’ to activate the credit card. That led me to a live person, who answered with her first name and the title "Credit Card Activator."
As I got ready to give her the necessary information, she interrupted me, asking, "How can I help you?"
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It was the standard series of check-in questions that every traveler gets at the airlines counter, including, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"
"If it was put there without my knowledge," I asked, "how would I know?"
The agent behind the counter smiled smugly. "That’s why we ask."
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Calling for information about one of my credit cards, I got the following recorded prompt: "Please enter your account number as it appears on your card or statement."
I did as instructed, and the system said, "Please enter your five-digit ZIP code."
After I put that in, I got a third message: "If you would like your information in English, press one."
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Heard on my cable company’s answering machine: "We realize you are still holding. Please do not hang up, as this will further delay your call."
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My father is a skilled CPA who is not great at self-promotion. So when an advertising salesman offered to put my father’s business placard in the shopping carts of a supermarket, my dad jumped at the chance. Fully a year went by before we got a call that could be traced to those placards. “Richard Larson, CPA?” the caller asked.
“That’s right,” my father answered. “May I help you?”
“Yes,” the voice said. “One of your shopping carts is in my yard and I want you to come and get it.”
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While waiting in line at the Department of Vehicle Services for my new license plate, I heard the clerk shout out, “E I E I O.” “Here,” the woman standing next to me answered.
Curious, I asked if she was married to a farmer, or maybe taught preschool.
“Neither,” she replied. “My name is McDonald.”
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A man called the phone company to complain about his listing in the directory. "I told you that my last name is Sweady," he said, "but you have it listed as Cyirwu."
"I’m sorry, sir," the phone company rep said. "I’ll fix it so it’ll be correct the next time we publish the directory. Now how do you spell your name?"
"Just like I told you before," the customer said. "It’s S as in sea, W as in why, E as in eye, A as in are, D as in double-u and Y as in you."
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Working as a telemarketer for MCI Communications, I made a call to a Minnesota home one evening. When a boy around eight answered the phone, I identified myself, told him I was calling for MCI and asked to speak to his parents.
As he put the phone down, I heard him yell, “Dad! Dad! The FBI wants to talk to you!”
As soon as the father answered the phone in a quivering voice, I said, “Sir, this is not the FBI; this is MCI Communications.”
After a long pause, the man said, “This is the first time I am actually glad to hear from you guys.”
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Sitting in the first row of coach class during a lengthy flight, my wife and I were able to hear a flight attendant as he pushed a wine cart down the aisle in the first-class section. “Would you care for chardonnay or burgundy?” he asked the high-paying passengers.
A few minutes later the attendant opened the curtain between the two sections, offered wine to one final first-class patron, then wheeled the same cart forward to our aisle. “Excuse me,” he said, looking down at us, “would you care for a glass of wine? We have white and red.”
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I work at a department store where every night at closing time one of our customer-service representatives reminds shoppers over the public-address system to finish their shopping. One evening, a woman who had recently worked at a Kmart opened the announcement by saying, "Attention Kmart shoppers…"
Quickly realizing her mistake, she tap-danced her way out of trouble by adding, "You are in the wrong store."
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I work at a department store where every night at closing time one of our customer-service representatives reminds shoppers over the public-address system to finish their shopping. One evening, a woman who had recently worked at a Kmart opened the announcement by saying, "Attention Kmart shoppers…"
Quickly realizing her mistake, she tap-danced her way out of trouble by adding, "You are in the wrong store."
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Good morning everyboomie.
I'm working my way through a difficult week.
It's difficult to keep track of what day it is.
Thursday is my last work day this week. I'm off Friday which is half a weekend, and then work Saturday, my Monday on the weekend, and then off Sunday, which is another half a weekend, and then working on Monday (yuck), and Tuesday. Tuesday is like a nuther Friday, and then I'm off Wed, Thur, Friday, and Sat.................
....two weekends in a row?
Who's complaining?
I've got several places to hunt just a waiting on me.
Walmart parking lot......
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Good Morning Joe, Ana, Haroula, Andrea and everyone. Joe glad you are feeling better. Ana have fun with James. Haroula and Andrea enjoy your day. Midgie hugs, love and prayers to help you thru surgery tomorrow. 
Wishing you all a peaceful day. 
), sweet 'Boomies!
