When in doubt, mumble.
~JAMES H. BOREN~
````````````````````````
While volunteering in a soup kitchen, I hit it off with a very attractive single man. It was a relief, since my mother and I always laughed
because the men to whom I was drawn were inevitably married. So, optimistic about my chances, I asked my new friend what he did for a
living. He replied, “I’m a priest.”
````````````````````````
During college, I worked on
a conveyor belt. One day, I was
on a blind date, and she asked me about my job.
“I work at the end of a belt,” I said.
With an ebullient smile, she asked, “Are you the buckle?”
```````````````````````
A commercial boasted that its product could help people live
pain-free in their golden years.
“Am I in my golden years?” my wife, 63, asked.
“Not at all,” I assured her. “But you are yellowing fast.”
```````````````````````````
I was cuddling with my girlfriend, and she said, “I love lying here with you.”
“I once caught a fish, and it was five feet long and spoke Hebrew,” I replied. She stared at me, confused. “That was my lie,” I said.
“Oh, right. I see. Very funny,” she said. She paused a moment before rolling over. “That was my lie.”
``````````````````````````````
I used to date a hoarder, and she broke up with me. That stings extra hard—I’m like the one thing she can get rid of.
```````````````````````````
Notable Never-isms
• Never try to tell everything you know. It may take too short a time. —Norman Ford
• Never trust a man when he’s in love, drunk, or running for office. —Shirley Maclaine
• Never board
a commercial
aircraft if the
pilot is wearing
a tank top. —Dave Barry
• Never be in a
hurry to terminate a marriage. You
may need this person to finish a sentence. —Erma Bombeck
• Never argue with a doctor; he has inside information. —Bob Elliott and Ray Goulding
• Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level; it’s cheaper. —Quentin
Crisp
````````````````````````````
On the first night of their
honeymoon, the husband isn’t sure how to tell his bride about his stinky feet and smelly socks, while the wife is wondering how to break the news to him about her awful breath, which so far, she’s been able to cover up. After some soul-searching, the
husband gathers his nerve and says, “I have a confession.”
She draws closer, peers into his eyes, and says, “Darling, so do I.”
Recoiling, he says, “Don’t tell me—you’ve eaten my socks.”
`````````````````````````
Confessions of a Military Wife
My husband is infantry, and
he said the most wonderful things
to convince me to marry him:
• The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day.
• I could have as many babies as
I want because giving birth is free.
• He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone.
````````````````````````````
This Classified ad Speaks Volumes:
“Wanted to buy: playpen, cradle, high chair; also two single beds.”
```````````````````````
It's A Small World…
I think the expression “It’s a small world” is really a euphemism for “I keep running into people I can’t stand.”
Brock Cohen
``````````````````````
A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapist’s office and declares, “Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday
I broke that trust and had an affair! The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!”
The hypnotherapist shakes his head. “Not again …”
``````````````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Goobers it's late, and I'm tired.
You can tell just by looking at that little smiley, right?
I'm not sure about you guys, but my day started when I got up this morning. Seems like yesterday now.
Have a happy one, everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
We've got 2 inches and it's still coming down! Looks beautiful though! Coffee and tea are ready. Have a warm and sunny day spring day for me! 
Breakfast out and shopping today. Robert is leaving Tuesday for a week in Denver with a friend. Danish, Eggs, Bacon, Sausage, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, and Toast in the NC. Have a Wonderful Sunday everyone. 
I can't get it in a regular shoe. It's aggravating! 
