RICHARD BACH
Your friends will know you better in the first moment you meet than your acquaintances will know you in a lifetime.
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“Why doesn’t your mother like me?” a woman asks her boyfriend.
“Don’t take it personally,” he assures her. “She’s never liked anyone I’ve dated. I once dated someone exactly like her, and that didn’t work out at all.”
“What happened?”
“My father couldn’t stand her.”
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My coworker at the hotel was miserable at his job and was desperately searching for a new one.
"Why don’t you work for your mother?" I suggested.
He shook his head. "I can’t," he said. "Her company has a very strict policy against hiring relatives."
"Who made up that ridiculous rule?"
"My mother."
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Over dinner, I explained the health benefits of a colorful meal to my family. "The more colors, the more variety of nutrients," I told them. Pointing to our food, I asked, "How many different colors do you see?"
"Six," volunteered my daughter. "Seven if you count the burned parts."
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“Why doesn’t your mother like me?” a woman asks her boyfriend.
“Don’t take it personally,” he assures her. “She’s never liked anyone I’ve dated. I once dated someone exactly like her, and that didn’t work out at all.”
“What happened?”
“My father couldn’t stand her.”
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My wife, a real estate agent, wrote an ad for a house she was listing. The house had a second-floor suite that could be accessed using a lift chair that slid along the staircase. Quickly describing this feature, she inadvertently made it sound even more attractive: "Mother-in-law suite comes with an electric chair."
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I was sound asleep when the telephone jarred me awake.
"Hi!" It was my peppy mother-in-law. She proceeded to rattle on about the busy day she had ahead and all the things that awaited her the rest of the week.
"Mom," I interrupted. "It’s five in the morning."
"Really? What are you doing up so early?"
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Fresh out of gift ideas, a man buys his mother-in-law a large plot in an expensive cemetery. On her next birthday, he buys her nothing, so she lets him have it. "What are you complaining about?" he fires back.
"You still haven’t used the present I gave you last year."
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The night we took our three young sons to an upscale restaurant for the first time, my husband ordered a bottle of wine. The server brought it over, began the ritual uncorking, and poured a small amount for me to taste.
My six-year-old piped up, "Mom usually drinks a lot more than that."
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My mother, a master of guilt trips, showed me a photo of herself waiting by a phone that never rings.
"Mom, I call all the time," I said. "If you had voicemail, you’d know." Soon after, my brother installed it for her.
When I called the next time, I got her message: "If you are a salesperson, press one. If you’re a friend, press two. If you’re my daughter who never calls, press 911 because the shock will probably give me a heart attack."
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A couple invited some people to dinner. At the table, the wife turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn’t know what to say," the girl replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
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My mother is always trying to understand what motivates people, especially those in her family. One day she and my sister were talking about one relative’s bad luck. "Why do you suppose she changed jobs?" Mother asked my sister. "Maybe she has a subconscious desire not to succeed."
"Or maybe it just happened," said my sister, exasperated. "Do you know you analyze everything to death?"
Mother was silent for a moment. "That’s true," she said. "Why do you think I do that?"
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On vacation in Hawaii, my step- mom, Sandy, called a café to make reservations for 7 p.m. Checking her book, the cheery young hostess said, "I’m sorry, all we have is 6:45. Would you like that?"
"That’s fine," Sandy said.
"Okay," the woman confirmed. Then she added, "Just be advised you may have to wait 15 minutes for your table."
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Good morning everyboomie.
Boy howdy, I am so tired of Spring cleaning!
I'm not nearly finished yet either.
It's a good thing Spring only comes once a year.
Once every two years would be even better when it comes to Spring cleaning.
I have another round again tomorrow, and then fortunately I go back to work.
I don't have to work nearly this hard at Lowe's.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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witter
I feel for you Joe! 
Ana sounds like a fun time for you this weekend! 
Coffee and tea are ready. Happy Day everyone! 
Karen, Birthday Cupcakes in the NC. Ana, have fun with your grandson. They grow up so fast. Wishing everyone a Great TGIF. Danish, BB Pancakes, and Bacon and Eggs in the NC. 
Don't feel bad, I never know what day it is. 
Have a fantastic TGIF!
