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Monday Morning #1063549
04/18/16 11:04 PM
04/18/16 11:04 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.

CHARLES BUKOWSKI

`````````````````````


I told my girlfriend that it looked like she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

````````````````````````

Our Favorite Hashtags on Dating
#GeekPickupLines: My name’s 
Microsoft … can I crash at your place tonight?

@tillinghast (Mark Dryzcimski)

#RobotPickupLines: “You had me 
at 100100010000101100110010011001001111.”

@pound_hashtag

#ThatAwkwardMoment: When someone says “Hello!” and you say “Good, thanks!”

@menshumor

#MySexLifeinMovieTitles: Home Alone

``````````````````````````````

Why should you never breakup with a goalie?

Because he’s a keeper.

```````````````````````````

Love Lost, 
Love Found On Craigslist
• The ad for the 14k white gold engagement ring in “like-new condition” included a caveat: 
It was worn “by Satan herself.” 
The ad then warned, “Ring may be cursed, as it tends to leave 
a path of destruction behind it. Possible events associated with this ring include but are not 
limited to: damage sustained to house, vehicle, heart, downed power lines, fallen trees, and swarms of locusts.” The upside: “Other than that, a very nice piece of jewelry.”

• This man’s ad addressed someone he’d met only fleetingly: “Hi. I am the guy whose house you tried breaking in to this morning around 9:30 a.m. on Gale Street,” he wrote. “Our 
conversation was short. You only said, ‘Oh my gosh, oh my gosh …,’ as you saw me staring back at you through the door blinds. Still,” he continued, 
“I feel we made a good connection, separated only by the door and the two locks you were 
trying to pick. Please don’t break into my house again. But 
if you’re up for a legal encounter, I’m game.”

```````````````````````````

Realistic Romantic Comedies
• When Harry Met Sally and 
Discovered She Looks Nothing Like Her eHarmony Photos

• Love Handles, Actually

• Runaway Bridal Expenses

```````````````````````

My husband and I couldn’t decide which jacket to buy our granddaughter, so we asked the young salesman.

“If you were buying a jacket for your girlfriend,” I said, “what would you get?”

“A bulletproof one,” he said. “I’m married.”

``````````````````````````

My seatmate on a flight was a woman. Ever the charmer, I asked, “Does the airline charge you extra for sitting next to good-looking men?”

“Yes,” she said, “but I wasn’t willing to pay.”

````````````````````````````

As the music swelled during a recent wedding reception, my hopelessly romantic husband squeezed my hand, leaned in, and said, “You are better looking than half the women here.”

```````````````````````````````

Boy: Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?

Girl: Yes, it's February 14th.

```````````````````````````

Every Valentine’s Day our campus newspaper has a section for student messages. Last year my roommate surprised his girlfriend with roses and dinner at a fancy restaurant. When they returned from their date, she leafed through the paper to see if he had written a note to her. Near the bottom of one page she found: “Bonnie—What are you looking here for? Aren’t dinner and flowers enough? Love, Scott.”

```````````````````````````

My high-school English teacher was well known for being a fair, but hard, grader. One day I received a B minus on a theme paper. In hopes of bettering my grade and in the spirit of the valentine season, I sent her an extravagant heart-shaped box of chocolates with the pre-printed inscription: “BE MINE.” The following day, I received in return a valentine from the teacher. It read: “Thank you, but it’s still BE MINE-US.”

````````````````````````````

As Valentine’s Day approached, I tried to think of an unusual gift for my husband. When I discovered that his favorite red-plaid pants had a broken zipper, I thought I had the “perfect Valentine.” I had the pants repaired, and gift-wrapped them. On the package I put a huge red heart on which I printed: “My Heart Pants for You.” I was the surprised one, however, when I saw the same heart taped to our formerly empty, but now overflowing, wood box. On it he had written: “Wood You Be My Valentine?”

````````````````````````

Have a date for Valentine’s Day? Hope it doesn’t end up like these 
@FirstDateHell dates.

• He couldn’t remember my name, so he asked if I would mind if he just called me Amy instead.

• In a restaurant, she said she did a great impression of a fax 
machine. Then she beeped loudly while unraveling a napkin from 
her mouth.

• He said, “From your photo, I thought you were too good for me. I’m glad to see you’ve got flaws.” Then he listed them.

`````````````````````````````

A Failure to Communicate

A father shows up at his daughter’s home and finds his son-in-law angrily packing his bags.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

“I texted my wife that I was coming home today from my golfing trip. And what did I find when I walked through the door? Her making out with Joe Murphy! I’m leaving!”

“Now, calm down,” says his 
father-in-law. “There must be a 
simple explanation. I’ll find out what happened.” Moments later, he reappears. “I told you there was a simple explanation, and there is,” he says. “She never got your text.”

``````````````````````````````

Sarah Silverman tweeted, “When ur relatives drive you crazy just close your eyes & pretend it’s dialogue in 
a Woody Allen movie.”

She got this 
response from Mia Farrow: “Tried that. Didn’t work.”

````````````````````````````

A man invited a woman over to his home for a seven-course meal.

“That’s lovely,” she said. “What are we going to have?”

He said, “A hot dog and a six-pack of beer.”

````````````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


Happy Valentines Day! lol


I have a confession to make. I'm in love. hearts


I'm in love with having free days, and today starts 3 free days. joy2


I'm so in love I may marry and start a family with it. yes

.
We would be fruitful, and multiply, and have lots of little free days running around. joy


If we didn't have enough, then we would adopt.......dozens. pacify


Or, I could retire all the way and have all my days free.....without the old ball and chain. haha


Have a happy day everyone.



joe



Last edited by gymcandy1; 04/20/16 12:14 AM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1063560
04/19/16 01:02 AM
04/19/16 01:02 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning Joe and all who follow later.
It feels like summer here,30C. happydance
Have a happy day everyone. spring wavegirl


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1063566
04/19/16 05:09 AM
04/19/16 05:09 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
spring Good Morning Joe, Haroula and everyone. Joe it's great to have all free days! Haroula hope you can stay cool today! Coffee and tea are ready. Wishing you all a sunny day! spring


Gerry
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1063574
04/19/16 05:56 AM
04/19/16 05:56 AM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Good morning. Still waiting for my next surgery. It's hard to wait. I've read all the posts for the last few days, I just haven't been posting. I hope you all have a great Tuesday.

Midgie heartswavegirl


Just do it.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1063578
04/19/16 07:09 AM
04/19/16 07:09 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Have a Great Tuesday all my Dinner friends. Danish, BB Pancakes, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. spring


Connie
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1063582
04/19/16 08:05 AM
04/19/16 08:05 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers spring

Joe, enjoy your 3 free days!

Haroula, happy day wishes to you.

Midgie, hope your surgery comes and goes quickly and easily. Hugs!

Gerry, have a great day!

Connie, enjoy whatever plans you have today.

Going to visit my brother and SIL this morning. They're home from FL. Haven't seen them in 6 months. Wishing everyone here and everyone on their way a wonderful Tuesday! wavegirl


Gail
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1063589
04/19/16 09:17 AM
04/19/16 09:17 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies. Day 5 of absolutely no voice. It's getting ridiculous already! Errands are on the schedule for today.

Have a happy day all!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday's [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1063633
04/19/16 02:07 PM
04/19/16 02:07 PM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave2 Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and glad to hear you are enjoying your days off! Have a terrific Tuesday's!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Had a great walk this morning. Walking again with daughter later this afternoon! hearts

Alrighty, off to see what's afoot!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1063643
04/19/16 03:29 PM
04/19/16 03:29 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Hi guys, Brighthouse has come and gone. Now waiting on the refrigerator guy. Son in bed sick. I'm keeping my distance.

Ana, big hugs!


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1063646
04/19/16 03:48 PM
04/19/16 03:48 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Remember that trash compactor I had that stopped working? Remember that I had TWO service techs here, each who told me that it was 2 different things wrong. The first said it was the motor switch, but you can't buy just the switch, you have to buy the entire motor. He quoted me 400 bucks. The second said it was the reverse switch and quoted me 300 bucks, knowing that I'd replaced the motor and it wasn't broken in the first place. Both guys from the same HUGE service company who work for a huge department store chain.

So I replaced the 'switch' and that wasn't bad either. Saved me 300 bucks though. So savings of 700 bucks for THEM to do nothing and my cost (plus my neighbor's help) was not quite 200 bucks. THEN...I kept listening to the 'noise' the compactor was making from the very beginning and pinned it down to the very bottom.

Gotta keep in mind that the FIRST guy told me, before he started working that it's usually the 'nylon gears' that go first, BUT never opening the bottom of the compactor to look at the gears and instead trying to get me to pay him big bucks for that motor replacement.

Second guy wasn't going to look at the gears either, but I insisted and he grudgingly looked, said they were fine and decided it was another switch, which I bought but it wasn't bad. Oh well. The NOISE continued no matter what, so I took the compactor bottom off MYSELF and found the main gear was BROKEN. Yes it was. I ordered a new gear kit.

SO today, my GEAR KIT arrived. Cost me 20 bucks. All I needed was the big gear which I replaced (with a little help from my neighbor on the 'hard' part). MY compactor is WORKING! Yup, working fine for now, crossing fingers, eyes and toes. It does what it's supposed to do.

It's all I can do to NOT call BOTH the repair guys and tell them what I think about their expertise and obvious attempt to charge me for things that were not broken. I won't do it though. Not worth the time and effort and not worth risking the backlash from them. I did that once with a delivery guy (my new fridge) and HE called me! Yelled at me, threatened me, knew where I lived too. Ugh. Not worth it. I'm keeping it to myself and am so thrilled my compactor is WORKING. joy bravo rah


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: Sorta Blonde] #1063649
04/19/16 04:19 PM
04/19/16 04:19 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: Space Quest Fan] #1063656
04/19/16 05:08 PM
04/19/16 05:08 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Hello everybody. I went out to the big field by the river today. It was very cloudy still, and I was not sure if it would rain or not. Fortunately it didn't. I walked around and found blades and stuff, but it took me 4 1/2 hours to find one very rough little point. bravo

I also found the biggest heart breaker I've ever found, the base of what was originally a 7 or 8 inch spear point. shocked

I had to look at it a while before I finally turned it around 90 degrees and realized what it was and my eyes about popped out of my head.

Here they all are. wink

I'm ready for a nap now. tired



joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1063663
04/19/16 05:47 PM
04/19/16 05:47 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
That is so awesome Joe! I'm very excited for you!

Midgie, why are you having another surgery? Was this meant to be a 2-part deal from the start? hearts


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1063668
04/19/16 06:51 PM
04/19/16 06:51 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
And now refrigerator guy has come and gone. We shall see if this new part fixes it. Fingers crossed.

Sorta, whoo hooo, so glad you fixed it!

Afternoon, Space. What's up tonight?

Woot, Joe, thumbsup

Midgy, do you have a date for the surgery or is that what you are waiting on?


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1063679
04/19/16 08:04 PM
04/19/16 08:04 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Online content
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Online Content
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Home again Home again Whoopity Doo! Hello everybody laugh

L4L hearts

Where do you keep your collection Joe?

We'll keep you in our prayers Midge!

Whew...time to unwind from the day!

Have a great evening Joe Ana Haroula Gerry Midge Connie Gail SortB SQF Darlene and the rest of you when you get the chance to sit awhile

wave


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1063684
04/19/16 08:31 PM
04/19/16 08:31 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Good luck with your refrigerator L4L! Hope your repair goes better than my compactor. Hey, if anyone needs an experienced Trash Compactor repair person...I'm available. Gads! I know everything about them now. Such simple units.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1063689
04/19/16 08:54 PM
04/19/16 08:54 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Yes Ana it was. I knew it wasn't over yet. I should have the last surgery in a week. He said when I woke up from the first one,I have to wait 3 weeks before I go back to surgery so he can finish the job.I'll be glad when it's over.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: Midge] #1063691
04/19/16 08:55 PM
04/19/16 08:55 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night Boomers. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1063702
04/19/16 09:45 PM
04/19/16 09:45 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
I'll be happy for you too when its over, Midgie!

SpaceQ, sweet dreams.

Sorta, you need to start a handyman business!

Soot, enjoy your evening!

L4L, hope its fixed now!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday's [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1063708
04/19/16 10:21 PM
04/19/16 10:21 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Thanks for the kind comments. wave2

Soot I have 5 display cases with my points and scrapers and blades in them. They're in the book case and entertainment center in my bedroom. thumbsup

joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1063820
04/20/16 07:36 PM
04/20/16 07:36 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Online content
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Online Content
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Nice...do you ever find a really good one that you give to a museum?


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
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