Always be a little kinder than necessary.
JAMES M. BARRIE
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MSW?!
(Mom say what?!)
Texting acronyms can stump even the best parents:
Mom: Your great-aunt just passed away. LOL.
Son: Why is that funny?
Mom: It’s not funny, David! What do you mean?
Son: Mom, LOL means Laughing Out Loud.
Mom: I thought it meant Lots
of Love. I have to call everyone back.
~
Daughter: I got an A in Chemistry.
Mom: WTF!
Daughter: Mom, what do you think WTF means?
Mom: Well That’s Fantastic.
~
Mom: What do IDK, LY & TTYL mean?
Son: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later.
Mom: OK, I will ask your sister.
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The first time my mother flew, she was a nervous wreck. During takeoff, the roar from the engines proved
reassuring—it meant they were working, she reasoned. But when the plane leveled off, so did the engines. Grabbing the armrests, she asked aloud, “Did we stop?”
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Jimmy Fallon Asked For Embarrassing Texts From Moms…
I once got a text from my mom where “You’re amazing” autocorrected to “You’re adopted.”
@StefenColalillo
On Valentine’s Day last year, my mom texted me, “Enjoy your VD.” Not the best time to
abbreviate, Mom.
@HollyLouHarris
My mom once texted me “can you come over, I want you to take a selfie of me.”
@stefaniLegs
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“My great-grandma gave me this money,” said my three-year-old, happily clutching a $20 bill he’d
gotten as a present.
“That’s right,” I said. “How did you know that?”
Pointing to Andrew Jackson’s face in the middle, he said, “Because her picture is on it.”
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In an attempt to balance work and motherhood, I delegated the grocery shopping to my young babysitter. But the job proved a tad daunting. One day while I was at work, she texted me from the supermarket. “Can’t find Brillo pads,” she wrote. “All they have are Tampax and Kotex.”
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Here’s a guide to American
culture for Russians visiting the U.S., straight from Russian tour books:
“Women play a greater role in business. Often they insist to be treated exactly as an equal and not as a lady.”
“As a rule, the [social] invitation will be only on a weekend, and you don’t have to prepare for something extravagant. Everything is the same as ours, only with far less booze.”
“‘See you later’ should not be taken literally. That is a courtesy,
and no more.”
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Delta Airlines is infusing its cabins with a lavender-and-chamomile scent called Calm. The Week asked its readers to come up with a better name to match “the ambience of the packed economy cabin.”
“Eau the Humanity” —Serena Meyer
“Giorgio’s Arm-on-me” —Wade Etheredge
“Chanel No. 5 Inches of Legroom” —Austin King
“Claustrophobique” —Cynthia Pocali
“Mist Connection” —Cary Berkowitz
“The 99 Per-scent” —Julia Flagg
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As I waited for my luggage
at the airport, a man lifted my
suitcase off the baggage carousel.
“Excuse me,” I shouted. “That’s
my suitcase.”
The man shot back defensively, “Well, somebody took mine!”
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L.A. public pools don’t have lifeguards—[they] have life coaches. If they see you struggling in the water, they say, “Are you happy with the decisions you’re making?” and give you a pamphlet for a yoga studio.
Craig Ferguson
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The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. As I stepped
forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I
explained, “The last time someone
gave me wings, I had to jump
out of the airplane.”
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A man vacations on a tropical
island, and the first thing he hears
is drums. He goes to the beach
and hears the drums; he eats lunch, he hears the drums; he tries to sleep, he can’t—drums. Finally he storms over to the manager. “I’ve had it! Can’t you stop those drums?” he begs.
“No!” says the manager. “It’s very bad if the drums stop.”
“Why?”
“When the drums stop, the bass solo begins.”
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A tramp knocks on the door of an inn known as St. George and the Dragon. The landlady answers. “Could you give a poor man something to eat?” asks the tramp.
“No!” yells the woman, slamming the door in his face. A few minutes later, he knocks again. “Now what do you want?” the woman asks.
“Could I have a few words with George?”
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Halfway between New York City and Washington, D.C., the train’s engine fell silent.
“I’ve got good news and bad news,” the conductor announced. “The bad news is we lost power.” My fellow passengers groaned.
“The good news,” he added, “is we weren’t cruising at 30,000 feet.”
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Good morning everyboomie.
Now I know absolutely positively that this is Thursday. I looked at the calendar.
Well this time last night storms were rapidly approaching, and we lost power for a couple of minutes just before I went to bed.
Tonight the storms are still out in the Texas Panhandle, but moving this way at a pretty good clip.
I went and looked at the creek today, and it was indeed at flood stage, so no creek walking for a few more days.
If Thursday is like Wednesday, then I'm just going to drive back out to the peanut field. I don't really get tired of walking around out there.
Baby on the other had gets a little bored with it after 4 or 5 hours.
She definitely prefers the creek.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
He was rescued on Frank Sinatra's 100th Birthday, thus the name. Danish, BB Pancakes, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. 
