If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way.
Napoleon Hill
``````````````````````````
Before leaving for Officer Candidates School, I half-jokingly mentioned to my family that I was going to learn how to eat, sleep, shower, and shave all over again. My brother, in the throes of planning his wedding, muttered, "Me too."
``````````````````````````````
I turned to my father one night and said, "It’s amazing—50 years and you never once had an affair. How do you account for that?" He replied, "I can’t drive."
`````````````````````````````
My friend was at the beauty parlor when she overheard another woman rattle on to the manicurist about the sad state of her marriage. "Things have gotten so bad," she said, "I think I might ask for a divorce. What do you think?"
"That’s a serious matter," came the reply. "I think you should consult another manicurist."
```````````````````````````
The first time my son was on a bike with training wheels, I shouted, "Step back on the pedals and the bike will brake!"
He nodded but still rode straight into a bush.
"Why didn’t you push back on the pedals?" I asked, helping him up.
"You said if I did, the bike would break."
````````````````````````````````
I was leafing through one of my hunting catalogs when I found something that made me laugh. "Look," I said to my wife. "What I’ve always wanted: a camouflage toilet seat."
"Get it," she said. "Then you’ll have an excuse for when you miss."
````````````````````
The burial service for the elderly woman climaxed with a massive clap of thunder, followed by a bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder. "Well," said her husband to the shaken pastor when it ended, "she’s there."
````````````````````````
My husband is a car nut. That’s why I could appreciate the card he gave me on our fifth wedding anniversary. It read "The last 72,000 miles of my life have been the best ever!"
```````````````````
My granddaughter asked why I called my husband Hon. "It’s a term of endearment," I explained. My husband mumbled, "After more than 40 years, it’s a term of endurement."
````````````````````````````
Last June, my friend told me about her plans for our upcoming prom. "I’m renting a stretch limo and spending $1,000 on a new dress, and I’ve reserved a table at the most expensive restaurant in town," she said.
Our teacher overheard her and shook her head. "I didn’t spend that much on my wedding."
My friend answered, "I can have three or four weddings. But a prom you do only once."
`````````````````````````````
An item on craigslist: "Antique sewing table refinished by my wife, $30. If she’s home, $100."
`````````````````````````
Halfway through a romantic dinner, my husband smiled and said, "You look so beautiful under these lights." I was falling in love all over again when he added, "We gotta get some of these lights."
````````````````````````
The wheel of my grocery cart was making a horrible scraping sound as I rolled it through the supermarket. Nevertheless, when I finished my shopping and saw a cartless woman, I offered it up, explaining, "It makes an awful noise, but it works."
"That’s okay," she said, taking it. "I have a husband at home like that."
``````````````````````````
How come married women are heavier than single women? A single woman goes home, sees what’s in the fridge, and goes to bed. A married woman sees what’s in bed and goes to the fridge.
````````````````````````
When I asked a friend the secret to his 52 years of marriage, he replied, "We never go to sleep angry." "That’s a great philosophy," I noted. "Yes. And the longest we’ve been awake so far is five days."
````````````````````````````
‘If I were to die first, would you remarry?" the wife asks.
"Well," says the husband, "I’m in good health, so why not?"
"Would she live in my house?"
"It’s all paid up, so yes."
"Would she drive my car?"
"It’s new, so yes."
"Would she use my golf clubs?"
"No. She’s left-handed."
`````````````````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
"New TV series coming soon: JOE the Arrowhead Hunter. I think it would make a great show. Joe hunting arrowheads all over the country. Wading in turtle infested rivers, wrangling dangerous snakes, getting arrested in shopping center parking lots, while digging up arrowheads. "I was only saving it for historical value". Yeah...I'd watch that show!"
I like that idea Sorta. I just need to find a producer who will produce new sites for me to hunt at.
Today was another really nice day, and I took advantage of it by taking the girls to the park early on. After that I came back and worked in the yard, including mowing..........again.
I had bought some bags of soil several weeks ago that I needed to fill in holes and low spots in the back yard, and I finally got that done.
It's a dirty job, but someone had to do it.
We are supposed to have more rain and thunderstorms starting late tonight. They're saying 100% chance of rain tonight, but looking at the radar it doesn't look like there is anything that less than 6 or 8 hours away.
I know that more could develop closer to home. We shall see if there's a sea of water in the yard in the morning.
That reminds me of a joke. What do you call a situation where mobsters tie a cement block to a persons feet and dump them in the ocean?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Weight and sea.
I just made that one up.
I kill me.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and hope you have a tremendously Happy TGIF!
