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Thump Day #1065475
05/04/16 11:07 PM
05/04/16 11:07 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
These big birthday parties my friends make for their kids. One of my friends had a surprise party for her child. He was one year old. We all snuck in around the crib, jumped up, and yelled, “Surprise!” He’s in therapy now.

RITA RUDNER

```````````````````````

A woman called our airline 
customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board.

“Sure,” I said, “as long as you provide your own kennel.” I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over.

The customer was flummoxed: 
“I’ll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!”

````````````````````````

A Canadian psychologist is 
selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog 
is smarter than you.

```````````````````

We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It’s cheaper, and you get more feet.

Rita Rudner

``````````````````````
I spend three minutes every 
day choosing a TV channel 
to leave on for my dog. Then 
I go to work, and people take me seriously as an adult.

```````````````````````

My niece was dragged into court by a neighbor who complained about her barking dogs. At one point, the judge asked the neighbor a question. The neighbor didn’t reply. “Sir, are you going to answer me?”

The neighbor leaped to his feet. “Are you talking to me?” he asked. “Sorry; I can’t hear a darn thing.”

The case was dismissed.

````````````````````````

After a talking sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 accounted for.”

“But I only have 36 sheep,” says the farmer.

“I know,” says the sheepdog. “But I rounded them up.”

``````````````````````````

A sign said, “Do not allow your dog to chase, 
injure, or worry wildlife.” How is a dog going to “worry” wildlife? Run up to a bird: “Hey, I think you’ve got something on your beak. It could be a tumor.”

Andy Kindler

`````````````````

I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lane’s dog and she was like, “I’ve never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?”

`````````````````````

Penn Jillette, the chatty half of the magic duo Penn & Teller, shared with us his favorite clean joke:

Two racehorses are in a stable. One says to the other, “You know, 
before that last race …”

“The one that you won?” asks the other horse.

“Yeah, before that race, I felt a pinch in my hindquarters.”

The other horse says, “Funny, 
I felt a pinch in my hindquarters 
before the race that I won.”

A dog walking by says, “You 
idiots, you’re being doped. They’re injecting you with a drug to make you faster!”

The first horse turns to the other and says, “Hey, a talking dog!”

````````````````````````

The dogs next door get a little noisy, so one day somebody called animal control to complain. When the officers arrived, I heard my neighbor tell them, "Hey, dogs bark. It’s human nature."

````````````````````

When our client’s dog lapped up anti-freeze, the veterinarian I work for ordered a unique treatment: an IV drip mixing fluids with vodka. “Go buy the cheapest bottle you can find,” he told me.

At the liquor store, I was uneasy buying cheap booze so early in the day, and I felt compelled to explain things to the clerk.

“Believe it or not,” I said, “this is for a sick dog.”

As I was leaving, the next customer plunked down two bottles of muscatel and announced, “These are for my cats.”

````````````````````````

Does kitty dream of slinking down the catwalk? If so, give her a name that screams “I’m a star!” Like these actual pet names …

Cats
Cleocatra
Bing Clawsby
Chairman Meow
Alexander the Grey

Dogs
Mary-Louise Barker
Bettie Poops
Virginia Woof
Iggy Pup

`````````````````````````


As the stranger enters a country store, he spots a sign: "Danger! Beware of Dog!" Inside, he sees a harmless old hound asleep in the middle of the floor.

"Is that the dog we’re supposed to beware of?" he asks the owner.

"That’s him," comes the reply.

"He doesn’t look dangerous to me. Why would you post that sign?"

"Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

``````````````````````

The party’s host paid me a great compliment. “You are a good-looking woman,” he said. “Honest—I’ve had only one beer.”

My glow was only slightly dimmed when my husband interjected, “Imagine how great she’ll look after two.”

````````````````````````

A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.

“I have an interesting case here,” he says. “A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.”

“Have you arrested her?” asks the sergeant.

“No, not yet. The floor’s still wet.”

``````````````````````````

This ad in the Bozeman Daily Chronicle was obviously directed toward pet lovers only: "Free to good home, a loving Jack Russell terror dog."

`````````````````````````

Good morning ever boomer. welcome


Today I sailed my ship too far West, and fell off the edge of the world. woot


It was the edge of the map. slapforehead


I should have consulted Google maps first. razz


FOOLED YOU! haha


Actually my day was not nearly so exciting.


I got up and went to the creek, despite my common sense telling me my time would be better spent at home doing much needed chores.


I've never been very good with common sense.


I prefer uncommon sense. hamster


I did find an arrowhead today that I've been looking for for seven years.


Pretty much any point that I find this year I've been looking for seven years. dance


Any point that I find next year I'll have been looking for eight years. snicker


After I got back home from the creek, I had some lunch, cleaned up.......a little, and went to town to pick up the mattresses and box springs that I bought yesterday. I brought them home and got them in the house, and then immediately began running a test on them. sleep


They work.


Have a happy day everyone.



joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 05/04/16 11:13 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1065476
05/04/16 11:25 PM
05/04/16 11:25 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Have a happy day Joe and all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1065488
05/05/16 05:04 AM
05/05/16 05:04 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
spring Good Morning Joe, Ana and all. Joe congrats on finding another arrowhead! Ana you're up late. Coffee and tea are ready. Hope everyone has a happy day! spring


Gerry
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1065498
05/05/16 06:54 AM
05/05/16 06:54 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful Thursday. They changed Natalie's surgery to today. She is holding up well, and thinking positive. Danish, BB Pancakes, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. spring


Connie
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1065502
05/05/16 07:34 AM
05/05/16 07:34 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers puppy

Joe, glad you found a point. You must have a wonderful collection.

Ana, enjoy whatever the day brings.

Gerry, yay on the coffee.

Connie, hugs and prayers out to Natalie today. catrub

Spending the morning getting my car serviced. Need oil change and tire rotation. Wishing everyone a wonderful day! Still raining here. blech


Gail
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1065512
05/05/16 09:39 AM
05/05/16 09:39 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Gerry, I usually go to sleep at midnight during the week, but shut down the computer around ten. I get caught up on my TV shows after ten. lol

Connie, prayers heading Natalie's way!

Gail, enjoy your day and hope the servicing gets done quick.

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1065520
05/05/16 10:28 AM
05/05/16 10:28 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe nice find yesterday!!! Thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Ana hope your weather is good and you have a lovely day! We have rain and a cool 39F, but it is suppose to warm to 67F!!!

Gerry thanks for the tea and have a lovely day!

Connie HUGS!!! Sending prayers for Natalie. May all go well for her and her recovery go well! Thanks for the danish and have a lovely day! HUGS!! hearts

Gail may the car servicing go well and speedy! Have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1065527
05/05/16 10:50 AM
05/05/16 10:50 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Nan, the sun is out but its cool. Tomorrow 80 degrees and sun so I will run away to a much needed hike at Starved Rock! How's life treating you? Are the fish fry's over now?

Last edited by BrownEyedTigre; 05/05/16 10:53 AM.

Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1065536
05/05/16 11:35 AM
05/05/16 11:35 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,660
Alabama
soot Online content
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Online Content
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,660
Alabama
Good morning Joe Ana Connie Gerry Gail Nan and the rest of the Diner Gang when you drop in laugh

Will keep you all in our prayers Connie!

Happy Thump Day everyone wave

Last edited by soot; 05/05/16 11:35 AM.

Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1065540
05/05/16 11:39 AM
05/05/16 11:39 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Nice Joe! Nothing like a brand new mattress to make the day or night. What kind did you buy??

Nothing new much around here. So quiet. Now with that said, I'm ready for anything.

Mini-Me the mom cat is still protecting her lone kitten. She did not come out for breakfast. I'm sure it's due to yesterday's intrusion when she came up from under the table to eat, I grabbed the bed and kitten to see how it was doing and tried to feed it some kitten milk. Wasn't hungry, looked fat and OK. MOM of course panicked and wouldn't come out most of the day for anything. Today I didn't bother them. Hope Mom feels safer now. I don't need any more cats, but I sure hope this 'lone survivor' makes it.

Going to the Olive Pit (Olive Garden) for lunch with my school chums. Well it should be chums, but the group is dwindling down to just the original planner, who is the oldest of us and me and my neighbor/friend who I started to drag along to get him out of his house and help him interact with humans. He's usually just playing Everquest and has little real world contact. Today it's only the 3 of us. I think our little monthly lunch date (since 1995 is seeing it's last hurrah. It was a group of 6 or 7 and now it's usually 3-4. Everyone has other things to do, but I like keeping in contact with my old teaching pals. We went through so many horrible times together where we worked. Now we laugh about it all. Good for everyone.

Off to spy on the lone kitten. Not naming him/her until I see if it survives.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Thump Day [Re: Sorta Blonde] #1065561
05/05/16 03:29 PM
05/05/16 03:29 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1065569
05/05/16 04:18 PM
05/05/16 04:18 PM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Well they pushed Natalie's surgery back to tomorrow. She's getting anxious, as she is in the hospital just waiting. Thanks for the Prayers and Hugs.


Connie
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1065575
05/05/16 06:39 PM
05/05/16 06:39 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
I'm sorry to hear that Connie. It must be so frustrating for her.

Good afternoon SpaceQ! Friday tomorrow!

Sorta, enjoy your lunch!

soot, can you smell the weekend? joy

Off to trivia shortly...

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Thump Day [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1065588
05/05/16 09:18 PM
05/05/16 09:18 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Bring on the weekend Ana. happydance


Good night Boomers. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1065594
05/05/16 10:35 PM
05/05/16 10:35 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,660
Alabama
soot Online content
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Online Content
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,660
Alabama
sniff

sniff sniff

sniff sniff sniff

Yes I can!!!!

wave


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1065603
05/05/16 11:19 PM
05/05/16 11:19 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Sweet dreams SpaceQ!

soot lol

Nighty night all...


Don't feed the Trolls
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