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TGIF #1065602
05/05/16 11:17 PM
05/05/16 11:17 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass… It’s about learning to dance in the rain.

VIVIAN GREENE

``````````````````````

A salesman talked my uncle into buying 10,000 personalized pens for his business with the promise that 
he would be eligible to win a 32-foot yacht. A born gambler, my uncle agreed.

Well, he won, and a few weeks after the pens arrived, his prize showed up: a 12-inch plastic yacht with 
32 plastic feet glued to the bottom.

``````````````````````````

Scene: A conversation with my friend’s father, who knows I do 
Web design.

Father: I have a business idea. How hard is it to make a Facebook?

Me: Oh, very easy.

Friend: He doesn’t mean to make 
a Facebook profile. He means to 
remake all of Facebook.

Me: Oh. Very hard.

Father: Oh, OK.

``````````````````````

Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.

``````````````````````````

The biggest change after having kids was putting a swear jar in the house. Whenever I say a bad word, 
I have to put a dollar in the jar, and 
at the end of every month, I take all that money and buy myself a nice steak for being such a cool dad.

`````````````````````

“Has your son decided what 
he wants to be when he grows up?” 
I asked my friend.

“He wants to be a garbageman,” 
he replied.

“That’s an unusual ambition to have at such a young age.”

“Not really. He thinks that garbagemen work only on Tuesdays.”

````````````````````````````

My ten-month-old was sitting in her high chair, twisting and moving all over the place. My wife said to me, “Straighten her up.”

I looked at my daughter and said, “What are you doing with your life? Do you want to be this way forever? It’s time to grow up.”
My wife hasn’t asked me to do anything since.

`````````````````````

None of my grandsons share my corny sense of humor. When the family is eating lasagna, I say, “Lean over your plate, boys. You’ll get 
less-on-ya.” I say to the ten-year-old, “Don’t yell through the screen; you’ll strain your voice.” And when I took another grandson to the zoo, I asked, “Do you know why that snake’s not pressed against the glass? He doesn’t want to be a windshield viper.”

They’ll probably laugh later.

`````````````````````````````````

Dad rarely dresses up, so when he left the bedroom decked out in a suit and tie, he wanted to commemorate the moment. Handing me a camera, he asked, “Mind taking a selfie of me?”

```````````````````````

My father was completely lost in the kitchen and never ate unless someone prepared a meal for him. When Mother was ill, however, he volunteered to go to the supermarket for her. She sent him off with a carefully numbered list of seven items.

Dad returned shortly, very proud of himself, and proceeded to unpack the grocery bags. He had one bag of sugar, two dozen eggs, three hams, four boxes of detergent, five boxes of crackers, six eggplants, and seven green peppers.

``````````````````````````````

On the day I received my learner’s permit, my father agreed to take me out for a driving lesson. With a big grin, he hopped in behind the driver’s seat. “Why aren’t you sitting up front on the passenger’s side?” I asked.

“Kirsten, I’ve been waiting for this ever since you were a little girl,” Dad replied. “Now it’s my turn to sit back here and kick the seat.”

``````````````````````````

While flying from Denver to Kansas City, Kansas, my mother was sitting across the aisle from a woman and her eight-year-old son. Mom couldn’t help laughing as they neared their destination and she heard the mother say to the boy, “Now remember — run to Dad first, then the dog.”

````````````````````````````

My husband’s cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears — one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. “See, Connor?” he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. “That’s Daddy.”

Connor’s eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, “You used to be a bear?”

````````````````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


Today I had very high drama in my life. I went over to one of our Southern Oklahoma mountain ranges to mountain climb, and at about 10,000 feet I had to jump sideways to avoid a rock slide. As I did, my boot lace got caught on a tree limb. A large boulder landed on my leg as I was laying there, and broke it. cry


It was very painful, and still is, as I still lay here.........still on the mountain side.


I'm typing this post on my phone. razz


Send help. wink


I really liked that corny dad joke. That's totally me. When I was on trips and my kids were little, we would pass a cemetery and I would say, "Boy people are dying to get in there." or "That's the last place I would ever want to go."

We would pass some farmer walking across his pasture and I'd say "That man is outstanding in his field."

We would see a bull in a pasture and I'd say, "Oh that's a bunch of bull!."

We would stop at a light behind a trailer with a horse in it, and I would say, "Now that's a real horse's ass." snicker


I didn't make those up.


I got them from my dad. rolleyes


Today was my last day of freedom for two days, and I made it count. I loaded up the girls, and headed to the truck wash. You know what I did there? I washed my truck. The girls didn't help. Then, I took the girls to the park, and we romped around for a while. Then I came back home, and spent two hours mowing and trimming the yard. The girls didn't help again. Then I took a much needed nap. So nice. Then I gave the girls both a bath, and the girls really didn't help. In fact they were a couple of pains, but they sure were happy when it was over and they were clean again. puppy


I also managed to get a couple of loads of laundry done in there somewhere. woot


Have a happy day everyone.



joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 05/05/16 11:30 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1065604
05/05/16 11:25 PM
05/05/16 11:25 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
JOe, a sense of humor is wonderful gift to have a share. Your father sounds like a great man!

Here is a video of my grandson James, learning to say I love you. lol He is just such a character.

Have a happy day all! I'm heading to Starved Rock. It's going to be 80 degrees and sunny! yay

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: TGIF [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1065607
05/05/16 11:28 PM
05/05/16 11:28 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
I love that video Ana. He's such a cutie. bravo


joe wave2


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1065619
05/06/16 04:12 AM
05/06/16 04:12 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
spring Good Morning Joe, Ana, and all. Joe like father like son! Ana he's adorable! Coffee and tea are ready. Wishing everyone a happy day! spring


Gerry
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1065629
05/06/16 07:31 AM
05/06/16 07:31 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,021
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,021
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful TGIF. Ana, I love the video, he's a cutie. Take three on Natalie's eye surgery today. Dinner at the VFW with friends this evening. Danish, BB Pancakes, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. spring


Connie
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1065637
05/06/16 08:43 AM
05/06/16 08:43 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, I love your sense of humor. ( love your weather too.)

Ana, what a cutie. Loved the video. Have fun today!

Gerry, coffee please and thank you.

Connie Hugs to Natalie. Enjoy your dinner and friends.

Day #6 of rain! rolleyes Good day wishes to everyone. puppy


Gail
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1065651
05/06/16 12:02 PM
05/06/16 12:02 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe lol Your are too funny!! Thabnks for the laughs! Have a lovely day!

Ana it made it to the 70's yesterday and already is 85F out there. Glad me and Sassy took our long walk already!! LOVE the video, he is getting so big!! Have fun at Starved Rock!! One day I'll meet you!! Have a lovely day! BTW one more fish fry and then a smelt fry and we are done for the summer.

Gerry thanks for the tea and have a lovely day!

Connie I hope and pray that it happens today and that all goes well. HUGS!!! hearts Thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Gail I hope the rain stops and the sun comes out for you! That was us last week but we had cold with it too. Have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1065657
05/06/16 12:40 PM
05/06/16 12:40 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Fantastic Friday ya'll puppy

It's cool in AL. I'm sitting here wrapped in my furry winter housecoat.

Joe, that's a dangerous quote. I saw that a while back, said something about how neat it was, and everything in the house promptly broke at the same time. Be careful....and afraid. Very afraid...rotfl

Ana, so cute! Have fun at Starved Rock!

Connie, are they doing the surgery, or did it get put off again?

Gail, are you ark-building yet?

Holy cow, Nan, you are warmer than we are. By a lot! Just curious, why no fish fries in the summer?


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGIF [Re: looney4labs] #1065669
05/06/16 04:49 PM
05/06/16 04:49 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1065672
05/06/16 05:16 PM
05/06/16 05:16 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Afternoon, Space, welcome to the weekend! wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1065708
05/06/16 09:53 PM
05/06/16 09:53 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
The weekend has arrived!
joy


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: TGIF [Re: soot] #1065710
05/06/16 10:40 PM
05/06/16 10:40 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
thanks looney


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
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