ZELDA FITZGERALD
Nobody has ever measured, even poets, how much a heart can hold
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One night our local newscaster was reading about an allegation that two Sesame Street characters, Bert and Ernie, were gay. The show’s producer refuted this, pointing out that they were only puppets, not humans. They argued a lot and then made up to show children how to resolve conflicts and stay friends.
While watching this report, my wife, Donna, noticed that our seven-year-old daughter was also listening. As Donna struggled to come up with an explanation for the term "gay," our crestfallen daughter said in dismay, "They’re puppets?"
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While editing announcements for a newspaper, I came across an item promoting a camp for children with asthma. Aside from all the wonderful activities the kids could enjoy, such as canoeing, swimming, crafts and more, it promised that its lakefront property offered something the kids probably did not expect: "breathtaking views."
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As I was nursing my baby, my cousin’s six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came into the room. Never having seen anyone breast- feed before, she was intrigued and full of all kinds of questions about what I was doing.
After mulling over my answers, she remarked, "My mom has some of those, but I don’t think she knows how to use them."
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As I was nursing my baby, my cousin’s six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came into the room. Never having seen anyone breast- feed before, she was intrigued and full of all kinds of questions about what I was doing.
After mulling over my answers, she remarked, "My mom has some of those, but I don’t think she knows how to use them."
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A first-grader came to the ophthalmology office where I work to have his vision checked. He sat down and I turned off the lights. Then I switched on a projector that flashed the letters F, Z and B on a screen. I asked the boy what he saw.
Without hesitation he replied, "Consonants."
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Being a teenager and getting a tattoo seem to go hand and hand these days. I wasn’t surprised when one of my daughter’s friends showed me a delicate little Japanese symbol on her hip. "Please don’t tell my parents," she begged.
"I won’t," I promised. "By the way, what does that stand for?"
"Honesty," she said.
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I am five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump. After I had a minor accident, my mother accompanied me to the emergency room.
The triage nurse asked for my height and weight, and I blurted out, "Five-foot-eight and 125 pounds."
While the nurse pondered this information, my mother leaned over to me. "Sweetheart," she gently chided, "this is not the Internet."
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Sitting on a bus just days after undergoing surgery at New England Baptist Hospital in Boston, my father noticed a passenger coming down the aisle with a standard-issue hospital cane just like his. Pointing to it, my father asked the man, "New England Baptist?"
"Hell, no," the man replied, "Irish Catholic."
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The orthodontist and his assistants were removing my ten-year-old son’s dental appliance. Because it was cemented to his upper teeth, they had to use some pressure to release it. When it finally popped out, three of his baby teeth came out as well.
My boy was horrified when he saw the gaps. "Well," he said to the staff gathered around him, "who do I see about getting dentures?"
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While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about six years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?"
"Yes," I answered, and continued writing the report.
"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?"
"Yes, that’s right," I told her.
"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"
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Good morning everyboomie.
It's already 10:00pm here, and by all rights, and age rings, I should have been in bed about 5 hours ago.
I had a lazy day though, and spent at least 5 hours holding my couch down, so I figured I'll probably survive the day tomorrow if I stay up a little bit later.
Still, my bedroom is my favorite room in the whole house, except for certain times during the day when little emergencies make my bathroom my favorite room.
My sister found a bird refuge down in Texas to take the hawk and rehab it, and she delivered it to them, so I was happy to hear that.
Today I'm going to search for an old coot refuge that I can check in to.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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Have a lovely day!
