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Memorial Monday Diner #1068605
05/29/16 10:51 PM
05/29/16 10:51 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

ELAYNE BOOSLER

`````````````````````````````````

A Texas farmer was touring England. He happened to meet an English farmer and asked him, "What size farm do you have?"

The Englishman proudly announced, "Thirty-five acres!"

"Thirty-five acres?" the Texan scoffed. "Why, I can get in my truck at 8:00 AM and start driving and at noon, I am still on my farm. I can eat lunch and start driving again and at 5:00 PM I am still on my farm.

"Ah, yes," the Englishman nodded in understanding. "I had a truck like that once."

```````````````````````````

Mother: What did you learn in school today
Son: How to write.
Mother: What did you write?
Son: I don't know, they haven't taught us how to read yet!

`````````````````````````````

His And Hers Road Trip
HERS:

Pulls off at wrong exit.
Opens window.
Asks directions from a knowledgeable police officer.
Arrives at destination presently.

HIS:

Pulls off at wrong exit absolutely positive it's the correct one.
Drives five miles into wilderness, still thinks he's right.
Drives an extra 5 miles just in case.
Finally rolls down window just to get fresh air.
Pulls up to a 7 -11.
Gets three hot-dogs, a large slurpee, and beef jerky.
Asks person behind counter how to get back onto the highway.
Gets back into car.
Laughs at the idea of looking at a map as he pulls away from the 7-11.
Drives down a dirt road with no street lights insisting this is the way back because guy from 7-11 said it was.
Almost hits a deer.
Curses the night.
Curses you.
Curses the large slurpee.
Drives and fiddles with radio.
Yells at you for suggesting the map again.
Admits he didn't want to go to Thanksgiving at your sister's anyway.
He hates your sister.
Ever since she called him a pernicious weasel.
He had to look up pernicious.
Couldn't find a dictionary.
Finally found a dictionary.
Couldn't spell pernicious.
Seethes at the memory of it all.
But she is laughing inside..
And of course you're still lost.

`````````````````````````````````

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude".

With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!"

Then she hollered "YES! YES! I WON! I WON!"

She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. With that she picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed. The dealers just stared at
each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"

The other answered, "I thought YOU were watching!"

Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, are they Midgie? but most men are gullible.

```````````````````````````````

Social Security

A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later." The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application.

When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."

``````````````````````````````

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer:

"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out."

He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.

On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said: "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes," then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: "I thought we had a deal."

The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer."

````````````````````````````````

A doctor and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house. After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and calls home.

She comes to the phone after many rings and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?" Shouts the doctor.

"Getting a second opinion!"

``````````````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


Happy Memorial Day! bravo


It's a nuther Happy Memorial Day that I'm working, but that's ok I'll be off the next four days. thumbsup


My back is still horrible, but it's way less horrible than yesterday. I made it through my whole work day, and that was a pretty darned active day. yes


I think I'll live, just don't ask me to do the twist with you. hamster


I hope you're all enjoying your weekend, and have a super happy day. joy


Be sure and hug a Vet today, and remember those lost while serving. USA



joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Memorial Monday Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1068608
05/29/16 11:14 PM
05/29/16 11:14 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Have a great holiday everyone. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Memorial Monday Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1068609
05/29/16 11:27 PM
05/29/16 11:27 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
Glad you are doing a bit better Joe. 4 days off will do you good! Thank you for your service Joe! hearts

SpaceQ, I hope your weather is as beautiful there as we have it!

Thank you to soot and Trippy too for their service! Much appreciated.

I have James all day and hubby is golfing so I'll be hanging at the pool today.

Ana USA


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Memorial Monday Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1068613
05/30/16 12:38 AM
05/30/16 12:38 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Joe, now I'm jealous that I only got a three day weekend. lol Good for you. You'll finally have a chance to relax, and hopefully give your back some time to heal. Enjoy your four days off! happydance

Have a great holiday, too, Space Quest.

Have fun with James at the pool, Ana! rah

It's the last day of my three day weekend. It's been really nice to have a chance to relax between the hectic days that passed and the hectic days that are approaching. smile I have one more day to spend singing and gaming with my kitties before the craziness ensues once again. lol thumbsup

As for now, it's late Sunday night, and I'm off to sleep. Have a terrific Memorial Day, everyone. spring


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Memorial Monday Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1068618
05/30/16 02:11 AM
05/30/16 02:11 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning,have all a happy day. happydance wavegirl


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Memorial Monday Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1068630
05/30/16 05:37 AM
05/30/16 05:37 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,099
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,099
Marlborough USA
USA Good Morning Joe, Space, Ana, venus Haroula and everyone. Joe good to hear your back is starting to feel better. Ana enjoy your time with James. Space enjoy your day. Venus have fun with the kitties! Haroula have a happy day too. Coffee and tea are ready. May you all have a peaceful relaxing memorial Day. USA


Gerry
Re: Memorial Monday Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1068640
05/30/16 06:59 AM
05/30/16 06:59 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,014
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,014
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great Memorial Day. Thanks to all our Vets that served. To those that lost their lives my Heartfelt Thanks, you are true heroes. Cindy, Ada, and I will be going to the Eagles today. Danish, BB Pancakes, Muffins, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. USA


Connie
Re: Memorial Monday Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1068646
05/30/16 08:13 AM
05/30/16 08:13 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
USA Wishing everyone a great Memorial Day! USA


Gail
Re: Memorial Monday Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1068676
05/30/16 11:37 AM
05/30/16 11:37 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Happy Memorial Day to all!


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Memorial Monday Diner [Re: Sorta Blonde] #1068678
05/30/16 11:44 AM
05/30/16 11:44 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave2 Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and hope your workday today goes easy peasy! Happy Memorial Monday Diner!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

USA Happy Memorial Day to all!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Memorial Monday Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1068680
05/30/16 12:04 PM
05/30/16 12:04 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

Happy Memorial Day ya'll. USA

Hubby and I went out early with the monkeys for a walk. It was not early enough. Where is the sweating-into-a-puddle smiley?

Came home to a dire emergency. The remote to my tv upstairs was not working....oh my! Called in my urgent response team (Soot). He worked on it while I worked on smoothies.

Now it's time to sit and surf for a sec. Then I think we are working on cleaning out a closet that we packed full many years and haven't looked in since. We are hoping to empty it out enough so we can repack some of son's stuff that is currently stored in the living room and move it in there instead. It's hard when you have two family's stuff in one house....well, at least in ours.

Hot dogs are on the menu for later, so dinner will be easy. We grilled asparagus last night...really yummy.

Joe, I love the quote...great idea except I can see me forgetting which ones I locked and never getting back inside. rotfl Do you do yoga stretches? Those always help son when his back is evil.

Space wave

Ana, thanks for the Doc news! I'm so excited for her. You have fun with James.

Venus, any plans for the day other than relaxing?

Haroula, have you started beach days yet?

Gerry, thanks for the coffee and tea.

Connie, have fun

Gail, any plans for the day?

Sorta, who is partying around your place?

Darlene, what's up for you today? Cooking out?


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Memorial Monday Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1068684
05/30/16 12:18 PM
05/30/16 12:18 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,574
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,574
Alabama
Happy Memorial Day one and all. A terrific day for remembering the many who have served the country USA

wave2


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Memorial Monday Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1068711
05/30/16 01:42 PM
05/30/16 01:42 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
L4L, well, singing practice isn't exactly relaxing. woozy lol But, no, I don't have any plans. It's too hot and crowded to go anywhere today. I would have liked to have done something with my friend over the weekend, but we're having a hard time coordinating our schedules. Maybe next time. smile Hope you got your remote working. grin


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Memorial Monday Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1068715
05/30/16 02:20 PM
05/30/16 02:20 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Gee L4L, nobody is partying around here at all. We have people hammering on the 'rehab' house, we have a Landlord across the street with his 2 sons weedwacking and painting around the rental house, 2 of my neighbor's families have headed out for the cemetery for services for Memorial Day, the guy who hates me (across the street where the Landlord is working) went out early with his lunch, a bottle of water and a tool belt. We think he is doing odd jobs for the roofer guy 2 doors down. Poor guy must have lost his job of 18 years. We haven't seen him going to work for a month now. Sad. It all started with the 'arrest' in his front yard back then for drunk in public. I think they just put him in the 'sober up' place for that night and all the next day. The next day though, was a work day for him. He didn't show since he was still in custody. When he went to work the next day, he came home after 3 hours and things just haven't been 'normal' since. Sad to lose a job after all that time.

So it's pretty calm around here. Maybe some fun will happen later when the sun comes out. It's still overcast and drizzly. Not good weather for a holiday. I'm just sitting and watching.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Memorial Monday Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1068724
05/30/16 02:53 PM
05/30/16 02:53 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Venus, lol total non-singer here. I hope it is fun if it isn't relaxing.

Sorta, not a party but not dull. It is sad to loose your job. How is Lazerus?

Edit: Well, hot dogs and sauerkraut enjoyed all around along with a "beer" that actually tasted yummy. Time to decamp to the bedroom. Sweet dreams all sleep

Last edited by looney4labs; 05/30/16 08:11 PM.

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Memorial Monday Diner [Re: looney4labs] #1068774
05/30/16 09:14 PM
05/30/16 09:14 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night Boomers. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Memorial Monday Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1068778
05/30/16 09:22 PM
05/30/16 09:22 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Lazarus! He reappeared today after 2 days with no 'sightings'. He sure lives up to his name. Mom is still exhibiting the 'rush to the spot where my kid is" behavior. Since we had overcast and drizzle, she didn't bring him out from under the house for a long time, but today, the sun finally came out, and there they were. roughhousing at the opening to the crawlspace. HE loves to bat her and lie across her and is totally cute. So seeing him there a little later, I took a chance to wash and pry his eyes open again. He's got the usual kitten gummy eye stuff, and most of the time his eyes are glued shut. He can function by following mom around by scent and sound. After the eye opening (when he screamed and kicked and clawed and bit) mom was scared to death. I got the eyes open and placed him back near the opening and later, he was out again, playing.

This time I put a plate of shredded canned food down in the opening and mom came to eat immediately. Lazarus didn't notice until mom went back under the house, but soon he was sniffing the air, managed to wobble over to the plate and gulped down a huge chunk of meat. I guess he's ready to eat solid food. Mom must be providing him with birds and lizards somehow since he knew how to eat. Makes it good when he can make it around the house to the back feeding table. I'm trying to figure out a way to leave a plate on the deck (he can't climb all the way up to the top at this stage) so that he can eat but somehow guard the food so the other critters don't eat it all before he can. Gotta think.

Cute little guy, a survivor so far. Hope he gets to grow up. What's one more feral? I only have 4 adult 'regulars' so a little one isn't bad. Add to that the 2 baby possums, the interloper, 'Duplex', from down the street, a huge mommy possum, the Peacock and whatever appears in the dead of the night, and it's quite a crew. My calling in life. Gotta help the critters who find their way to my yard. They always seem to keep the population stable. Never overrunning what I can handle. Nature does a good job.

Off to feed the Outdoorsies their last meal of the day. catrub


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Memorial Monday Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1068783
05/30/16 10:00 PM
05/30/16 10:00 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
L4L, yes it's definitely fun about 85-90 percent of the time. grin Glad you had a great time. thumbsup

Sleep well, Space Quest.

Glad the kitty's back, Sorta. happydance Hope he continues to be a survivor! catrub

Well, it's back to work for me in the morning. Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Memorial Monday Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1068784
05/30/16 10:15 PM
05/30/16 10:15 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Joe.....haha, haha haha haha


Just do it.
Re: Memorial Monday Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1068786
05/30/16 11:16 PM
05/30/16 11:16 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
Sweet dreams..


Don't feed the Trolls
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