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Happy Hump Day #1071537
06/21/16 06:21 PM
06/21/16 06:21 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.

DOUG LARSON

```````````````````````````````

My father’s secretary was visibly distraught one morning when she arrived at the office and explained that her children’s parrot had escaped from his cage and flown out an open window. Of all the dangers the tame bird would face outdoors alone, she seemed most concerned about what would happen if the bird started talking.

Confused, my father asked what the parrot could say.

“Well,” she explained, “he mostly says, ‘Here, kitty, kitty.’ ”

`````````````````````````````````

A client recently brought her two cats to my husband’s veterinary clinic for their annual checkup. One was a small-framed, round tiger-striped tabby, while the other was a long, sleek black cat. She watched closely as I put each on the scale. “They weigh about the same,” I told her.

“That proves it!” she exclaimed. “Black does make you look slimmer. And stripes make you look fat.”

``````````````````````````````````````

What My Girlfriend Thought, First four Dates:

1. Nice shirt.

2. Wow. A second nice shirt.

3. OK, first shirt again.

4. He has two shirts.

``````````````````````````````

One of my friends is pregnant. And I’m really excited. Not for the baby but because she’s one of my skinniest friends.

``````````````````````````

While volunteering in a soup kitchen, I hit it off with a very attractive single man. It was a relief, since my mother and I always laughed 
because the men to whom I was drawn were inevitably married. So, optimistic about my chances, I asked my new friend what he did for a 
living. He replied, “I’m a priest.”

`````````````````````````````

During college, I worked on 
a conveyor belt. One day, I was 
on a blind date, and she asked me about my job.
“I work at the end of a belt,” I said.

With an ebullient smile, she asked, “Are you the buckle?”

````````````````````````

A commercial boasted that its product could help people live 
pain-free in their golden years.

“Am I in my golden years?” my wife, 63, asked.

“Not at all,” I assured her. “But you are yellowing fast.”

```````````````````````````````

I was cuddling with my girlfriend, and she said, “I love lying here with you.”

“I once caught a fish, and it was five feet long and spoke Hebrew,” I replied. She stared at me, confused. “That was my lie,” I said.

“Oh, right. I see. Very funny,” she said. She paused a moment before rolling over. “That was my lie.”

`````````````````````````````````

I used to date a hoarder, and she broke up with me. That stings extra hard—I’m like the one thing she can get rid of.

`````````````````````````

Confessions of a Military Wife

My husband is infantry, and 
he said the most wonderful things 
to convince me to marry him:

• The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day.

• I could have as many babies as 
I want because giving birth is free.

• He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone.

`````````````````````````

This Classified ad Speaks Volumes:

“Wanted to buy: playpen, cradle, high chair; also two single beds.”

`````````````````````````

I think the expression “It’s a small world” is really a euphemism for “I keep running into people I can’t stand.”

```````````````````````

A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapist’s office and declares, “Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday 
I broke that trust and had an affair! The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!”

The hypnotherapist shakes his head. “Not again …”

```````````````````````````

My wife says I’m unsophisticated and uncultured, so to prove her wrong, guess where I’m taking her. Hint: It starts with “B” and rhymes with “wallet.”

``````````````````````````

“That’s a nice plant,” said a woman at the florist’s shop, pointing to the flower I was buying.

“Yeah, my wife and I had an argument,” I admitted. “I was going to buy her a dozen roses, but I don’t think she’s that mad at me.”
``````````````````````````````````

This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend that all I wanted was an Xbox. That’s it. Beginning and end of list: Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. Which was fine. Because I got her an Xbox.

```````````````````````````

After waiting two hours for her date, Sarah concluded she’d been stood up. So she changed into pajamas, made some popcorn, and flopped down in front of the TV. Then the doorbell rang—it was her date. He took one look at Sarah and gasped. “You’re still not ready?”

````````````````````````

Dating is complicated. You don’t believe us? Here are some examples:

Right after we broke up, my ex-girlfriend called to ask how to change her relationship status on Facebook.

I got into a 90-minute argument with my girlfriend because she was adamant that Moby Dick was a true story. I finally let her win so I could go to sleep.

My now ex-girlfriend and I were in my room one day, and the Internet was particularly slow. After I complained, she suggested that I untangle my Ethernet cord so that more Internet could get through.

I recently joined an online dating site, and one of my matches was my first cousin.

``````````````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


It's been about a year since I had to pull an early shift. razz


At least it seems that long ago. duh


My next two work days start at 5:00am. yes


It has been quite a while. My department manager is on vacation this week, and that's why they have me opening. cool


I thought maybe they were tired of seeing my sunny smile at 5:00am. grin


A lot of those guys are not morning people. taz


I live to get up at 3:30am. haha


Well, with a schedule of 5:00 to 1:00, even the Summer solstice is a very short day. woot


Have a happy day everyone.



joe



Last edited by gymcandy1; 06/21/16 06:23 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1071539
06/21/16 06:52 PM
06/21/16 06:52 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
I'm not ready for Hump Day!! lol

I hope your day goes quick Joe and it's not too hot! I love reading your comments, you crack me up!

Have a happy day all! Routine doctor appt for me today. Yuck. Stormy weather on tap too!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1071541
06/21/16 06:55 PM
06/21/16 06:55 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Thanks for the laughs Joe. lol


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1071545
06/21/16 07:54 PM
06/21/16 07:54 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
So we have this big fire burning East of us. It started 2 days ago near California's border with Tecate Mexico They have named it The border Fire. So far it's 1900 acres and growing and only 5% contained. Not looking good. Several small communities have been evacuated (Portrero, Campo, and Lake Moreno). The fire is moving Northwest towards a major Freeway Interstate 8 having already jumped a local route State Hwy 94 yesterday. At least 35 families stayed overnight in an elementary school, and more at another school. School is canceled in the fire area and some shelters had to be moved because the fire got too close overnight. Asking prayers for all the evacuated and those in danger and the firefighters.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1071548
06/21/16 08:03 PM
06/21/16 08:03 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
I've been watching that on the news Sorta! Hope you aren't in the path!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1071578
06/22/16 05:41 AM
06/22/16 05:41 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,099
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,099
Marlborough USA
summer Good Morning Joe, Ana, Space, Sorta and everyone. Joe hope your work day flies by! Ana good luck at the doctor. Space enjoy your day. Sorta I've been following the fires in the southwest too. Hope they get them under control soon. Coffee and tea are ready Wishing you all a peaceful day! summer


Gerry
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1071596
06/22/16 08:25 AM
06/22/16 08:25 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning SpaceQ, Gerry and all! I'll take one of those coffees Gerry! Thanks! hearts

Connie, Nan, Haroula, Darlene hope all is well. It's too quiet in here. lol

Last edited by BrownEyedTigre; 06/22/16 08:25 AM.

Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1071597
06/22/16 08:29 AM
06/22/16 08:29 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers summer

Joe, actually 5 to 1 sounds like good hours. You still have the whole day left to yourself.

Ana, hope your Doc appointment goes smoothly.

Sorta, prayers out for safety to all the people in the track of the fires. sad

Space, have a great one.

Gerry, enjoy whatever the day brings.

A walk with Nina this morning then a trip to Home Depot as I have a gift card to spend and I need a new wheelbarrow. puppy


Gail
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1071598
06/22/16 08:30 AM
06/22/16 08:30 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,014
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,014
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great Hump Day. Danish, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1071609
06/22/16 09:39 AM
06/22/16 09:39 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Happy Hump Day Ya'll puppy


Slightly warm in AL rotfl Boys are supposed to go home this morning. We shall see. If they do, I'm going to try to get a vet appt with my favorite vet to get the rest of Keoki's stitches out. I have to check the back of the van first though. I think there is a ramp in there that I forgot about that I could use to get him in and out at home, and the vet techs will load and unload at the vets. We shall see. He may not have any open slots.

How far away is that fire, Sorta?


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1071612
06/22/16 11:26 AM
06/22/16 11:26 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Finally!!!!!! I found my password!!!! lol We had nasty storms Sunday and lost power and had tornados. I could not turn my computer on after the power came back on, I kind of knew that would happen, so I had to get out my new one I bought in February and get it going. Not sure I like Win 10 though. lol

Joe thanks for the chuckles every day and may work fly and you have a lovely day!

Ana hope the doc appointment went well! Have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the tea and have a lovely day!

Gail have a nice walk with Nina and happy shopping. Sounds like some gardening???? Have a lovely day!

Connie thanks for the Danish and have a lovely day!

Sorta hope and pray you are safe from those fires! Have a lovely day!

L4l hope you can get an appointment!! Have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1071615
06/22/16 12:57 PM
06/22/16 12:57 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Fire Update: over 6000 acres now, 10% contained. It's about 40 miles due East of me in a straight line along the border. I'm only 5 miles from the border with Tijuana, Mexico. 2 homes now destroyed and 11 out buildings. School canceled for the rest of the school year out there. Loads of pets displaced and owners frantic because they couldn't get them when they were forced to evacuate. So sad. News crews are going into the danger zone to look for some of the pets since the police won't let the homeowners in. News lady last night went into a home looking for a dog that was left behind with lots of water and food. She couldn't find him, but he might have been hiding. No damage to the home though.

No danger of this one getting anywhere close to me, but Darlene??? How's it up there where you are? Any of those fires near your place? Worried.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: Sorta Blonde] #1071616
06/22/16 01:28 PM
06/22/16 01:28 PM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave2 Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your early day goes easy peasy! Happy Hump Day!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: Darlene] #1071628
06/22/16 04:16 PM
06/22/16 04:16 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1071640
06/22/16 05:23 PM
06/22/16 05:23 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Afternoon, Space. Welcome home! wavegirl

Edit: It's 7:30. Sweet hubby just got home. This means I'm heading up. Sweet dreams sleep


Last edited by looney4labs; 06/22/16 08:24 PM.

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: looney4labs] #1071654
06/22/16 08:34 PM
06/22/16 08:34 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
See you tomorrow looney. wave2


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1071659
06/22/16 08:54 PM
06/22/16 08:54 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Hi all. Connie thanks for the BB pancakes. I'll have some tomorrow morning. Tomorrow my sister and BIL will arrive about 2:00. They live in San Fran Sisco. I haven't seen her and her husband in a year. I can't wait to have them here. I only have them overnight but if that's all I have with them, that's OK.

I hope you all had a good day.
I need to say good night as I have a lot to do tomorrow before they arrive. I'm in heaven.

Midgie hearts wavegirl


Just do it.
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: Midge] #1071671
06/22/16 09:58 PM
06/22/16 09:58 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night Boomers. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1071674
06/22/16 10:38 PM
06/22/16 10:38 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
Nighty night all!


Don't feed the Trolls
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