It is better to remain silent at the risk of being thought a fool, than to talk and remove all doubt of it.
MAURICE SWITZER
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My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me
everything you know.”
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I bet cats have
a secret website where they
upload clips of cute humans
trying to open DVD packaging
and jump-start
cars.
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The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. In
the ’60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a microphone in a cat so the furry feline could
spy on unsuspecting targets. The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of
dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab.
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If someone from the 1950s suddenly appeared, what would be the most difficult thing to explain about life today? One answer: “I possess a device in my pocket that is capable of accessing the entirety of information known to man. I use it to look
at pictures of cats and get into arguments with strangers.”
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They make cat food out of cow, fish, turkey, chicken & lamb meat—but not mouse meat, which is probably all cats want.
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When our client’s dog lapped up anti-freeze, the veterinarian I work for ordered a unique treatment: an IV drip mixing fluids with vodka. “Go buy the cheapest bottle you can find,” he told me.
At the liquor store, I was uneasy buying cheap booze so early in the day, and I felt compelled to explain things to the clerk.
“Believe it or not,” I said, “this is for a sick dog.”
As I was leaving, the next customer plunked down two bottles of muscatel and announced, “These are for my cats.”
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Does kitty dream of slinking down the catwalk? If so, give her a name that screams “I’m a star!” Like these actual pet names …
Cats
Cleocatra
Bing Clawsby
Chairman Meow
Alexander the Grey
Dogs
Mary-Louise Barker
Bettie Poops
Virginia Woof
Iggy Pup
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I dressed my dog up as a cat for Halloween. Now he won’t come when I call him.
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A woman walked into my aunt’s animal shelter wanting to have her cat and six kittens spayed and neutered.
“Is the mother friendly?” my aunt asked.
“Very,” said the woman, casting an eye on all the pet carriers. “That’s how we got into this mess in the first place.”
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Living in a household with eight indoor cats requires buying large amounts of kitty litter, which I usually get in 25-pound bags—100 pounds at a time. When I was going to be out of town for a week, I decided to go to the supermarket to stock up. As my husband and I both pushed shopping carts, each loaded with five large bags of litter, a man looked at our purchases and queried, “Bengal or Siberian?”
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One night while I was cat-sitting my daughter’s indoor feline, it escaped outside. When it failed to return the following morning, I found the beast clinging to a branch about 30 feet up in a spindly tree. Unable to lure it down, I called the fire department.
“We don’t do that anymore,” the woman dispatcher said. When I persisted, she was polite but firm. “The cat will come down when it gets hungry enough.”
“How do you know that?” I asked.
“Have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree?” she said.
Two hours later the cat was back, looking for breakfast.
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I worked at a boarding kennel where people leave their dogs and cats while on vacation. One morning I had taken a cat out of his cage, and after playing with him and replenishing his food and water, I put him back in.
A few minutes later, I was surprised to see the feline at my feet, since the cage doors lock automatically when they’re shut. I couldn’t figure out how the cat escaped, until I bent down to pick him up and spied his nametag: “Houdini.”
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When my daughter and I caught only one perch on our fishing trip—not enough for even a modest lunch—we decided to feed it to her two cats. She put our catch in their dish and watched as the two pampered pets sniffed at the fish but refused to eat it.
Thinking quickly, my daughter then picked up the dish, walked over to the electric can opener, ran it for a few seconds, then put the fish back down. The cats dug right in.
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Good morning everyboomie.
I'm not a cat person, but I know you're out there. I can here you purring.
This purr-fect one's for you.
Purty good, don't ya think? yuk yuk
Well I have one more day off before I get to work two.
You may be asking, am I happy because of one more day off, or because I get to go in to work two days.
To that I answer a resounding Yes!
Some people are just happy despite everybody giving them reasons not to be.
I'm trying to figure out if they know something I don't.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Good morning Joe, MaG, Ana, Space, and everyone. Joe keep smiling! MaG, Ana and Space have a nice too. Coffee and tea are ready. A sunny day wished for all day! 
