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Tuesday's #1072269
06/27/16 10:34 PM
06/27/16 10:34 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
JOHN GREENLEAF WHITTIER

For of all sad words of tongue or pen, The saddest are these: “It might have been!”

`````````````````````

At the age of 55, I finally got 
my bachelor’s degree and set out to 
become a substitute teacher. One day, a seventh grader asked if I’d been teaching long.

“Actually, I’m brand-new,” I told him. “I just graduated.”

Looking me up and down, he asked, “How long were you in college?”

`````````````````````````````

I tried to explain to a client why I couldn’t help him with a project that was written in a program code that I didn’t know.

“Let’s say you’re asking me to write something in a specific language. Now, I’m fluent in English and Spanish, but your project is in Chinese. Since 
I don’t understand Chinese, I’m not your best option. You need someone who is fluent in this specific language. See?”

He said he did and thanked me.

The next morning, I got a call from another developer asking, “Why is 
So-and-So asking us if we’re fluent 
in Chinese?”

``````````````````````````

I tried to explain to a client why I couldn’t help him with a project that was written in a program code that I didn’t know.

“Let’s say you’re asking me to write something in a specific language. Now, I’m fluent in English and Spanish, but your project is in Chinese. Since 
I don’t understand Chinese, I’m not your best option. You need someone who is fluent in this specific language. See?”

He said he did and thanked me.

The next morning, I got a call from another developer asking, “Why is 
So-and-So asking us if we’re fluent 
in Chinese?”

`````````````````````````

A friend was ordering her meal at a drive-through when she noticed she could get a side dish gratis.

“And I’ll take the free wiffie also,” she said.

“What?” asked the clerk.

“The free wiffie,” she said, pointing to the sign.

“Ma’am, that’s ‘Free Wi-Fi.’ ”

``````````````````````````

Recently, I woke up to find that two of my car’s tires had been stolen. When the police officer arrived, he asked, “When were you last driving the car?”

“Last night at 11:00,” I said.

“And the tires were on it then?”

```````````````````````````````

Scene: A secondhand movie 
exchange …

Me: Do you have the DVD of 
Sharknado?

Clerk: Is that a documentary?

``````````````````````````````

When a music student brought his French horn to my shop for repair, he complained that the instrument “felt stuffy” and he couldn’t blow air through it. It’s not unusual to find partial blockages in brass instruments if small items get lodged in the tubing, but when I tested the instrument, the horn was completely blocked. After much probing and prodding, a small tangerine dropped out of the bell.

“Oh,” said the musician when I handed him the fruit. Seeing the bewildered look on my face, he explained, “My mom used the horn for a cornucopia in a Thanksgiving centerpiece.”

````````````````````````````

As I entered the elevator 
at our hospital, a disheveled-
looking man rushed in behind me carrying a ceramic blue baby bootie filled with carnations.

I smiled knowingly and asked, 
“Does he look like you?”

“I hope not,” he said. “I just deliver flowers.”

````````````````````

A student seeking a job at our university was handed an application. He dutifully filled out his name and address. When it came to the entry “length of residence,” he wrote: “Approximately 30 feet.”

`````````````````````````

Recently I heard the former mayor of Reading, Pennsylvania, 
recount some funny stories about his time in office. One happened while he was running for reelection; he was in a bar and paid for a 
woman’s drink. She thanked him but wondered why a stranger had 
bought her a beer.

“I’m running for mayor,” he told her, “and I want your vote.”

“You got it,” she said, grabbing her glass. “Anyone’s better than the jerk who’s in there now.”

``````````````````````````

A woman called the Colorado State Division of Wildlife regarding a snake in her backyard. “Can you tell me what kind it is?” she asked.

“Can you describe it?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said. “It’s long and thin.”

``````````````````````````

One of our interns asked 
another if she was planning to sign up for the company’s 401(k).

“I’m considering it,” replied the second intern.

Later, the first intern approached me looking concerned.

“I did the math,” she said, “and 401K is almost 250 miles. She’ll never make it!”

````````````````````````

I’m now in high school, so when I ran into my third-grade teacher, I doubted she would remember me.

“Hi, Miss Butcher,” I said.

“Hi, Eddie,” she replied.

“So you do remember me?” I asked.

“Sure. You don’t always leave a good impression, but it is a lasting one.”

``````````````````````````
My three-year-old sat in the bathroom with me, watching as I 
removed my dentures and brushed them. After a few minutes, he asked, “Can you take your ears off too?”

```````````````````````````````

We were stocking up on 
green beans at the farmers’ market when we asked the young girl 
helping us for 15 pounds’ worth.

“I can only sell you ten pounds of beans,” she said.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because my scale only goes up to ten pounds.”

``````````````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


If this is Tuesday, then yesterday must have been Monday. idea


Sure didn't seem like one. razz


I took the dogs to the park in Durant in the morning. On the way home I took them to the park in Calera. yes


I did a whole lotta parking with my girls. snicker


The park in Durant is on the edge of a creek, and has lots of trees and lots of shade, but it was crowded, so I had to use leashes especially on the little one. She'll take off after dogs, or squirrels. lab


The park in Calera, on the other hand, is open and has no shade trees at all, and rarely more than one other person walking around the track. I can let the dogs run free. It was warm though, and by the time we got home they were ready for shade, and water. Me too. tired


I spent most of the rest of the day inside, but around 7:00 it got dark and stormy for 5 minutes. It didn't rain any, but it cooled way down, so I went out and jumped on my 22 horses, and I mowed the lawn. woot


Today will be just like yesterday, but without the lawn mowing......and without going to the park in Calera......and I'll probably do a bunch of house cleaning.


Other than that it'll be a carbon copy of yesterday.


Have a happy day everyone.



joe

Last edited by looney4labs; 06/28/16 11:19 AM. Reason: removed space
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1072275
06/27/16 11:16 PM
06/27/16 11:16 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Sounds like a wonderful day for you and the pups! hearts I hope today goes equally as well, Joe!

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1072288
06/28/16 04:35 AM
06/28/16 04:35 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
summer GoodMorning Joe, Ana and everyone. Coffee and tea are ready. Have a great day Boomers! summer


Gerry
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1072302
06/28/16 07:10 AM
06/28/16 07:10 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great Tuesday. Dinner and karaoke tonight at Panda with friends. Danish, BB Pancakes, and Muffins in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1072309
06/28/16 08:04 AM
06/28/16 08:04 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers wave2

Joe, sounds like a fantastic day planned. Enjoy!

Ana, have a great day.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee. yes

Connie enjoy your night out.

Rainy here this morning. Will try and get a walk in with the dog. Wishing everyone a wonderful day! lab


Gail
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1072348
06/28/16 11:22 AM
06/28/16 11:22 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Terrific Tuesday ya'll puppy

Had a nice walk with the two youngest monkeys this morning. Will feed everyone once I post.

We have Bible Study tonight and not sure what is happening in between. Some vacuuming I think. We shall see.

Joe, it's nice to have a choice of parks.

Back later wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1072378
06/28/16 03:25 PM
06/28/16 03:25 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Hi all. It's threatening to rain but I don't think it's gonna. Work shortly. Is anybody watching the series Zoo? The 2nd season starts tonight on CBS. I watched every episode last year and couldn't wait until the 2nd season started....it's on tonight at 9:00. yay rah I'll just help myself to some BB pancakes. Yum.

Midgie hearts wavegirl


Just do it.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1072380
06/28/16 03:43 PM
06/28/16 03:43 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
I didn't watch the first season, Midgy. At first I thought I might (revenge of the animals) but then I was concerned they might shoot dogs in it, or the dogs might be killing folks, and either way would not be good for me lol

I have just started watching Midsommer Murders....those are neat wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: looney4labs] #1072381
06/28/16 04:07 PM
06/28/16 04:07 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1072390
06/28/16 05:14 PM
06/28/16 05:14 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Good afternoon SpaceQ! How was your day?


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1072397
06/28/16 05:58 PM
06/28/16 05:58 PM
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,680
kansas
my10rugrats Offline
Addicted Boomer
my10rugrats  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,680
kansas
hey everyone. still here been keeping an eye on gameboomers. am using hubby's laptop and wasn't sure if i remembered my password and i did. need to find a day and go in to renew my DL but don't really want to get out. i don't leave the house much unless i need to.

Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1072398
06/28/16 06:37 PM
06/28/16 06:37 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Afternoon, Space

Hi ya, Ana

Good to see you in the diner, My wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: looney4labs] #1072399
06/28/16 06:46 PM
06/28/16 06:46 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Very stressful day Ana but hopefully tomorrow will be better.


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1072402
06/28/16 07:03 PM
06/28/16 07:03 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
I'm sorry to hear that SpaceQ. I will send some positive thoughts for a better day for you. hearts

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday's [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1072407
06/28/16 09:20 PM
06/28/16 09:20 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
thanks Ana. You rock! hearts


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1072409
06/28/16 09:25 PM
06/28/16 09:25 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
I agree Space. hearts


Just do it.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: Midge] #1072410
06/28/16 09:39 PM
06/28/16 09:39 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Bed time for me. Good night Boomers. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1072411
06/28/16 10:02 PM
06/28/16 10:02 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Sweet dreams SpaceQ!

Midgicans, how you doing? hearts


Don't feed the Trolls
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