CHASE MITCHELL
I started reading today’s Apple announcement on my cool state-of-the-art MacBook Pro, and finished reading it on my stupid obsolete MacBook Pro.
````````````````````````````````````
Your Work E-mail is What?
• I’m employed at a computer security company and have a colleague whose name is M. Alware. His e-mail address is malware@company.com.
• My ex-boss’s name is R. Stone. His e-mail was stoner@company.co.in.
• My name is James Pan. Every other permutation of my name was taken (e.g., jpan, jamesp), so I’m stuck with japan@university.edu.
From quora.com
```````````````````````````````
How To Translate Work Emails
I have a question. = I have 18 questions.
I’ll look into it. = I’ve already forgotten about it.
I tried my best. = I did the bare minimum.
Happy to discuss further. = Don’t ask me about this again.
No worries. = You really messed up this time.
Take care. = This is the last you’ll ever hear from me.
Cheers! = I have no respect for you or myself!
Source: thecooperreview.com
``````````````````````````````````````
Tim Siedell on The Revenant
The Revenant (2015).
An epic tale of one man’s desperate journey to
do whatever it takes to
finally win an Oscar.
`````````````````````````````
Nathan Usher on Luke Skywalker
Luke Skywalker is my favorite hero that looks 100 percent prepared to figure skate at all times.
``````````````````````````
Liz Hackett On What The ’80s Taught Her
If growing up in the ’80s taught me one thing, it’s that my friends and I should have found a treasure map by now.
````````````````````````````
Wearing Husband Goggles
The party’s host paid me a great compliment. “You are a good-looking woman,” he said. “Honest—I’ve had only one beer.”
My glow was only slightly dimmed when my husband interjected, “Imagine how great she’ll look after two.”
Rosemary Tomy, Tucson, Arizona
```````````````````````````
The Problem With New Jeans
I was at the customer-service desk, returning a pair of jeans that was too tight.
“Was anything wrong with them?” the clerk asked.
“Yes,” I said. “They hurt my
feelings.”
A. P., via e-mail
```````````````````````````````
Jenny Mollen Defines Drama
Drama: a word boring people use
to describe fun people.
```````````````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to Hump day. We're almost half way through the week.
That means you're supposed to do everything half way today.
Not a whole lot gets done at work on Wednesdays. Good thing I don't work today.
In that same spirit though, I have half a mind to do only half the things that I had planned to do today.
Those I'll do half-assed.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Enjoy your day. 
