VICTOR HUGO
Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.
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Always Be Prepared
Seen on a marquee outside the Clinton Correctional Facility, a maximum security prison in Dannemora, New York: The Dannemora fire department reminds you it’s fire prevention week. Practice your escape plan.”
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Driving in the Middle
A policeman looked up to see a woman racing down the center of the road at 100 m.p.h. He pulled her over and said, “Hey, lady, would you mind telling me why you’re going so fast down the middle of the road?”
“Oh, it’s okay, Officer,” she replied. “I have a special license that allows me to drive like that.”
“Oh, yeah?” Let’s see it.” The cop looked at the license and then concluded, “Ma’am, there’s nothing special about this. It’s just a temporary license.”
“Look at the very bottom, though,” the woman insisted. “See? It says ‘Tear along the dotted line.'”
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Red Light
I had just pulled over someone for driving under the influence when another car pulled up behind us. I stopped what I was doing and ventured back to see if the driver needed assistance.
“No, I don’t need any help,” he said, reeking of booze. Then, pointing to the flashing cherry top on the roof of my cruiser, he continued, “I just stopped for the red light.”
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A customer pulled up to my drive-through window at the fast-food restaurant where I work and requested something from the lunch menu.
"I’m sorry, but it’s 10:15," I told her. "We’re only serving breakfast now."
After thinking it over, she asked, "Do you have anything on your breakfast menu that tastes like lunch?"
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A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights. I showed her our top brand, but—wanting to make sure each bulb worked—she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in. I did, and each one lit up.
"Great," she said.
I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box. But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed.
"I don’t want this box," she said abruptly. "It’s been opened."
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Overseas Help
Days after we invaded Marja, Afghanistan, one of my Marines found out his wife hadn’t paid the cell phone bill. He called the company and asked how he could settle up.
"You can go to Western Union and place a money order," the billing agent told him.
"Ma’am, I’m in Marja, Afghanistan," he explained. "We don’t have Western Unions."
"No problem. You can also go to Walmart."
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One woman raved about the rides at our water park, but she did have a valid complaint: "The water in the wave pool tastes horrible!"
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Scene: A gas station in Canada
Customer: Excuse me. Why won’t my debit card work on the pump?
Owner: Are you using an American card?
Customer: Yes.
Owner: American cards don’t work at the pump.
Customer: You should put up a sign.
Owner: We did, above the card slot.
Customer: Oh. Well, I don’t read Canadian.
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I was delivering pizzas when I fell hard onto the sidewalk. Seeing me sprawled on the ground, my concerned customer yelled, "Oh, no! The pizzas!"
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As a salesperson, I do a lot of business over the phone. One man who called to place an order had a nice voice, so when he asked if I wanted his number, I took the opportunity to offer mine as well.
"Um," he stammered, "I was talking about my purchase-order number."
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The waitress was refilling cups of coffee when she stopped at the table next to ours. "Regular?" she asked her customer.
"Yes, thank you," said the man. "Due to a steady diet of fruit."
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Tales From the Bookstore
A woman stopped by our customer-service desk and asked me for a copy of the book that has Jesus in it. After much back-and-forth, I determined that she wanted the Bible.
After searching for a particular book on dinosaurs in the science section without luck, a customer looked to me for help. She showed me a piece of paper with the title written on it: Thesaurus.
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While we were working at a men’s clothing store, a customer asked my coworker to help her pick out a tie that would make her husband’s blue eyes stand out.
"Ma’am," he explained, "any tie will make blue eyes stand out if you tie it tight enough.
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Good morning everyboomie.
Another day, a nuther dollar..........I guess, because I work today.
Three more after today.
Ana to answer your question, I will not be on call. Either you are a Lowe's employee, or you're not.
I'm leaving with the door open, if I ever want to come back.
I don't ever burn my bridges.
The only thing I really hate about retiring is that I lose all of my vacation time.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Hope your last days of work go well.
Good Morning Joe, venus, Ana and everyone. Joe keep smiling! Venus don't work to hard. Ana keep enjoying and relaxing! Coffee and tea are ready. Wishing you all a smiley day! 
