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Monday #1073722
07/10/16 10:06 PM
07/10/16 10:06 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
EDEN PHILLPOTTS

The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.

`````````````````````

What My Girlfriend Thought, First four Dates:

1. Nice shirt.

2. Wow. A second nice shirt.

3. OK, first shirt again.

4. He has two shirts.

``````````````````````````

Michelle Wolf on A Friend’s Pregnancy

One of my friends is pregnant. And I’m really excited. Not for the baby but because she’s one of my skinniest friends.

````````````````````````````

Chemistry In The Soup Kitchen
While volunteering in a soup kitchen, I hit it off with a very attractive single man. It was a relief, since my mother and I always laughed 
because the men to whom I was drawn were inevitably married. So, optimistic about my chances, I asked my new friend what he did for a 
living. He replied, “I’m a priest.”

Lisa Shasha, Norwich, Connecticut

```````````````````````````

Strapped For Cash
During college, I worked on 
a conveyor belt. One day, I was 
on a blind date, and she asked me about my job.
“I work at the end of a belt,” I said.

With an ebullient smile, she asked, “Are you the buckle?”

Skip Parker, Reno, Nevada

`````````````````````````````

Bad Things to Tell Your Wife

A commercial boasted that its product could help people live 
pain-free in their golden years.

“Am I in my golden years?” my wife, 63, asked.

“Not at all,” I assured her. “But you are yellowing fast.”

Dennis McClanahan, Buckner, Missouri

````````````````````````````````

Lying in Bed

I was cuddling with my girlfriend, and she said, “I love lying here with you.”

“I once caught a fish, and it was five feet long and spoke Hebrew,” I replied. She stared at me, confused. “That was my lie,” I said.

“Oh, right. I see. Very funny,” she said. She paused a moment before rolling over. “That was my lie.”

```````````````````````````````

Dating a Hoarder

I used to date a hoarder, and she broke up with me. That stings extra hard—I’m like the one thing she can get rid of.

Sam Morril

``````````````````````````

Notable Never-isms

• Never try to tell everything you know. It may take too short a time. —Norman Ford

• Never trust a man when he’s in love, drunk, or running for office. —Shirley Maclaine

• Never board 
a commercial 
aircraft if the 
pilot is wearing 
a tank top. —Dave Barry

• Never be in a 
hurry to terminate a marriage. You 
may need this person to finish a sentence. —Erma Bombeck

• Never argue with a doctor; he has inside information. —Bob Elliott and Ray Goulding

• Never keep up with the Jones. Drag them down to your level; it’s cheaper. —Quentin 
Crisp

```````````````````````````````

This Classified ad Speaks Volumes:

“Wanted to buy: playpen, cradle, high chair; also two single beds.”

```````````````````````````````

It's A Small World…

I think the expression “It’s a small world” is really a euphemism for “I keep running into people I can’t stand.”

````````````````````````

A Familiar Patient
A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapist’s office and declares, “Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday 
I broke that trust and had an affair! The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!”

The hypnotherapist shakes his head and sighs. “Not again …”

```````````````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


If it's Monday, then this has to be my next to last work day.................EVER!. smile


Unless and until I'm out of money, deeply in debt, and have no relatives left on this earth who are willing to support me, or at least loan me large sums of money. thumbsup


This sure as heck ain't Margaritaville, but I am perfectly willing to waist away here, if I have sufficient Margarita mix, Imodium, and Extra Strength Excedrin on hand. woot


Ok then, back to reality, and the subject at hand, Monday, worky worky. razz


It's not an early day, but early enough. I'm going to bed. sleep


Please don't wake me unless I've won the lottery, or PCH. haha


Have a happy day everyone.


Nice to see you in the diner Thorsgoats. wave


joe









Last edited by gymcandy1; 07/10/16 10:08 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1073725
07/10/16 10:19 PM
07/10/16 10:19 PM
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 69,973
MaG Offline
Sonic Boomer
MaG  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 69,973
lol Joe thanks Enjoy your next to last one!

Have a nice Monday to one and all.

Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1073728
07/10/16 10:40 PM
07/10/16 10:40 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Have a terrific day Joe, MaG and all who follow. wave

It's late Sunday night here, and I'm off to sleep (too late, as usual lol) for another work day tomorrow.

Hope everyone has a great Monday. summer


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1073739
07/11/16 12:08 AM
07/11/16 12:08 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Happy 2nd to the last day joe! joy

MaG hearts

Venus, have a great day!

Hope you all have a happy day! I'll be headed to Moab for a couple days to hike and climb.

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1073745
07/11/16 04:20 AM
07/11/16 04:20 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
summer Good Morning Joe, MaG, venus, Ana and all. Joe the last count down begins! thumbsup MaG nice to see you in the diner! smile Venus don't work to hard. blackkitty Ana have a fun day. happydance Coffee and tea are ready. Wishing you all a cool day! It's a day off for the Tour De France! Enjoy your day everyone! summer


Gerry
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1073763
07/11/16 09:08 AM
07/11/16 09:08 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers summer

Joe, you crack me up! lol

MaG, happy day wishes to you.

Ana, have fun!

Venus, enjoy work today.

Gerry, coffee please and thank you.

A walk with Nina this morning. A fun day planned for today as granddaughter had a sleepover here. joy


Gail
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1073774
07/11/16 10:48 AM
07/11/16 10:48 AM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Good morning everyone. I finally got a morning off. Wow, I guess I really needed one off. Hi Gail wave. Hey MaG. Hi Ana, Gerry, venus, and everyone who comes through the diner door today. Joe I bet your puppies and your birdie are in for a treat.....having you home in the morning after tomorrow.

Midgie hearts wavegirl


Just do it.
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1073778
07/11/16 11:45 AM
07/11/16 11:45 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Hi Joe, you forgot Lactaid, Gas-X and Beano. All staples of the retired life. joy

Way too quiet around here. Something is bound to happen. I feel it in my bones.

OH and good news on the 'smoky neighbor caper'. After the police talked to them about the OPEN bonfire where they were burning huge piles of cut tree limbs, etc., my friend/tenant, who called the police in the first place got a voice message on his phone. It was from the officer who responded and he thanked him for calling, said he spoke to the 'gentleman' with the illegal fire in his driveway, and said the guy had 'agreed' to dispose of his yard waste in other ways. Ha. How nice. First time ever we got a 'follow-up' report from a police call. Wow! Usually you never find out what happened. And by talking to the neighbors who live directly next door to that offender, we found it was the 'compound' extended family that was doing the burning, not the nice single mom with 3 kids and 2 dogs and a cat. Couldn't figure how she would do it anyway.

Also, the compound people are in a major building mode. Truckloads of cement paving blocks and other stuff have been going in there for 3 weeks now. Not sure what they are doing but it's BIG.

Waiting for something to happen to liven up a boring day. devil


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Monday [Re: Sorta Blonde] #1073796
07/11/16 02:38 PM
07/11/16 02:38 PM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave2 Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and congrats on your retirement! Have a happy Monday!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, off to see what's afoot!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Monday [Re: Darlene] #1073801
07/11/16 04:27 PM
07/11/16 04:27 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1073805
07/11/16 06:17 PM
07/11/16 06:17 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 125
Thrudvanger
Thorsgoats Offline
Settled Boomer
Thorsgoats  Offline
Settled Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 125
Thrudvanger
Thank you, gymcandy. smile

I had to take my car to the service station today to get it worked on. They won't be able to work on it until tomorrow, so venus will have to take me to work in the morning. My only comfort is that there are still games to be played with items that you can steal to put in your pockets, sometimes even ladders. If only games were reality, we could do all kinds of fantastical things.


"Is there anybody there? Am I alone . . . in this place? Can you see me? Can you hear me? SHOW me you are here!"
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1073812
07/11/16 07:41 PM
07/11/16 07:41 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
As Thorsgoats said, I have to take him to work in the morning. smile Also, I have to get up at 2 in the morning, since my company wants these blitzes finished by 7:30 am, and I have to go to 2 stores. I swear, they just keep getting crazier. insane The only good thing about this is that I'll get off nice and early. smile

All right, off to sleep early, even though the sun's still out. lol Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Monday [Re: venus] #1073822
07/11/16 09:09 PM
07/11/16 09:09 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night Boomers. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
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