FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE
And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh.
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Making Amends With The IRS
After hearing a sermon on Psalm 52:3-4 (lies and deceit), a man wrote the IRS, “I can’t sleep knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. Enclosed is a check for $150. If
I still can’t sleep, I’ll send the rest.”
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During a visit to our friend’s home in Canada, we were feted with a wonderful breakfast. But my six-year-old daughter was not impressed.
"Your pancakes are smaller than my mom’s," she told him.
He replied, "That’s because of the exchange rate."
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We were eating at one of the trendier restaurants in town when my friend pointed to the menu and told the waitress, "I’ll have the 24."
"Uh, Jim," I whispered, "that’s the price, not the meal number."
"Oh," he said. "Then give me the 12."
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Visiting a college campus, the prospective student spots a building called Hemingway Hall. "That’s nice," he says, "a building named for Ernest Hemingway."
"Actually," says the tour guide, "it’s named for Joshua Hemingway."
"Was he a writer?" the student asks.
"Yes. He wrote a big check."
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After cashing a check at the bank, the woman in front of me stood staring at her money. "Did I give you enough back?" asked the teller. "Yes," she said. "But barely."
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The pastor decides to use one rich parishioner to set an example. "John," he says, "you’re a successful businessman; surely you could contribute more to the building fund."
John replies, "But my mother is in a nursing home, my daughter just lost her job, and my son is starting college … If I can say no to them, I can say no to you too."
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Lying on his deathbed, the rich, miserly old man calls to his long-suffering wife. "I want to take all my money with me," he tells her. "So promise me you’ll put it in the casket."
After the man dies, his widow attends the memorial service with her best friend. Just before the undertaker closes the coffin, she places a small metal box inside.
Her friend looks at her in horror. "Surely," she says, "you didn’t put the money in there."
"I did promise him I would," the widow answers. "So I got it all together, deposited every penny in my account, and wrote him a check."
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Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
Oh.....you're a nut!
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On a billboard ad for a safe company:
"If your stuff is stolen, it’s not our vault."
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My husband, an attorney, is frequently consulted by clients who, after learning what the cost of legal services will be, decide to do without his aid. Recently the elderly minister of a small, struggling church came in with a legal problem.
After patiently listening to an explanation of my husband’s fees, he left the office with a prudent: "Thank you, sir, but I believe I’ll just pray this one through."
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I requested identification from a department-store customer who had just written a personal check for her purchase. After fumbling through her purse, she presented me with what she said was the only thing that bore both her name and address.
It was a notice of insufficient funds from her bank.
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Pulling into my service station 45 minutes late one morning, I shouted to the customers, "I’ll turn the pumps on right away!" What I didn’t know was that the night crew had left them on all night. By the time I got to the office, most of the cars had filled up and driven off. Only one customer stayed to pay. My heart sank. Then the customer pulled a wad of cash from his pocket and handed it to me.
"We kept passing the money to the last guy," he said. "We figured you’d get here sooner or later."
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Good morning everyboomie.
For some reason I feel kinda blue this morning.
I feel worthless...............without purpose.
What's that? Wait a minute. My dogs are telling me I do have a purpose.
It's to take them to the park, and play with them all day.
I was worried there for a minute.
Ok, to the park we go TALLY HO!
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Hope the angels clear the road before you. 
for asking.