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Monday #1074549
07/17/16 10:23 PM
07/17/16 10:23 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
You’ve gotta’ dance like there’s nobody watching, Love like you’ll never be hurt, Sing like there’s nobody listening, And live like it’s heaven on earth.

WILLIAM WATSON PURKEY

`````````````````````````````

My Son’s #1 Concern

When my three-year-old was told 
to pee in a cup at the doctor’s office, he unexpectedly got nervous. With 
a shaking voice, he asked, “Do I have to drink it?”

````````````````````````

A doctor sent this note to our medical clinic: “Patient needs a 
referral for your office from me. I saw her for her ankle and would like you to run over it.”

```````````````````````````

Smooth Operator

Scene: A call-center operator on the phone with a doctor.

Doctor: If you don’t turn my cell phone back on today, I’ll tell the families of my patients and their 
lawyers that you are responsible 
for my patients’ deaths because 
I couldn’t be reached.

Operator: Sir, if you are expecting your patients to die, perhaps they should switch to a different physician.

`````````````````````````

A Second Opinion
Lenny tells the psychiatrist, “Every time I get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it.”

“Come to me three times a week for two years, and I’ll cure your fears,” says the shrink. “And I’ll charge you only $200 a visit.”

Lenny says he’ll think about it. Six months later, he runs into the doctor, who asks why he never came back. “For $200 a visit?” says Lenny. “A bartender cured me for $10.”

“Is that so! How?”

“He told me to cut the legs off the bed.”

`````````````````````````````

The Cruelest Cut
After a checkup, a doctor asked his patient, “Is there anything you’d like to discuss?”

“Well,” said the patient, “I was thinking about getting a vasectomy.”

“That’s a big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?”

“Yes, we took a vote … and they’re in favor of it 15 to 2.”

```````````````````````````

Nobody wants a pain reliever that’s anything less than extra-strength: “Give me the maximum-allowable dosage. Figure out what will kill me, and then back it off a little bit.”

—Jerry Seinfeld

`````````````````````````````

When I went back to the medical lab to have some blood drawn, I was greeted with a battery of questions from the technician.

“Has your address changed?” she asked.

“No,” I answered.

“Your phone number?”

“No.”

“What about your birthday?”

"You'll have to ask my mom."

```````````````````````````

Imagine my surprise when I went to Tipler Army Medical Center for a heart bypass operation and discovered my surgeon’s name was Dr. Eror.

"What a name for a doctor," I said, not sure whether to laugh or cry.

"Yeah," he agreed. "You can imagine the reaction I got when I was a major."

````````````````````````````

Imagine my surprise when I went to Tipler Army Medical Center for a heart bypass operation and discovered my surgeon’s name was Dr. Eror.

"What a name for a doctor," I said, not sure whether to laugh or cry.

"Yeah," he agreed. "You can imagine the reaction I got when I was a major."

``````````````````````````````

My mother has tried her hand at several careers, some even concurrently. Imagine the surprise of both a hospital patient and my mom when the patient awoke after surgery and, upon seeing who her nurse’s aide was, yelled, "What are you doing? You’re the woman who helped me pick out interior paint colors!"

``````````````````````````

When a patient was wheeled into our emergency room, I was the nurse on duty. "On a scale of zero to ten," I asked her, "with zero representing no pain and ten representing excruciating pain, what would you say your pain level is now?"

She shook her head. "Oh, I don’t know. I’m not good with math."

```````````````````````````

It was time for my dog’s annual checkup. Following the vet’s instructions, I collected a stool sample and dropped it in a plastic container before we left for his office. When we arrived, I handed the sample to the receptionist, who immediately cracked a smile. The container read "I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter."

``````````````````````````

Good morning once again everyboomie. welcome


Welcome to the new week! welcome


As far as my old job goes, this is only my second day of retirement. yes


I have to say, getting old stinks, and I don't like it, but it does have it's perks. woot


I'm not to the point where I can pass gas, and not give a toot who hears it, but I am digging retirement so far. bravo


I can't imagine that'll change any time soon. razz


There are a lot of guys working at Lowe's now who were retired but they came back to work out of boredom, or maybe financial need who knows? duh


Read my lips. Not gonna do it. Wouldn't be prudent. shame


Famous last words huh?


Have a happy day everyone.


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1074555
07/17/16 11:13 PM
07/17/16 11:13 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
Should we place side bets here in the diner for how long it'll be before you get bored and return to work, Joe? lol

Have a happy day everyone!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1074570
07/18/16 04:38 AM
07/18/16 04:38 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana and everyone. Joe I don't think you will get bored. Ana have a nice day. Coffee and tea are ready. It's going to be another hot day here. Hope you all have a great day! summer


Gerry
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1074588
07/18/16 08:39 AM
07/18/16 08:39 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers joy

Joe, I'm with you not getting bored. There's always something to do even if it's a nap. lol

Ana, have a wonderful day.

Gerry, coffee please and thank you.

A walk with Nina this morning. A quick trip to the grocery market later. Wishing everyone a super duper Monday! lab


Gail
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1074589
07/18/16 08:43 AM
07/18/16 08:43 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,019
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,019
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Super Monday. Danish, BB Pancakes, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1074604
07/18/16 11:15 AM
07/18/16 11:15 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

Feel like myself today happydance

Not sure what the day will bring, but I think it will involve lots of cooking. I need to scramble up some veggies and all that peeling, and chopping and cooking takes awhile. But, they sure are yummy for the rest of the week then.

Joe, hope the day is lots of fun whatever you end up doing.

Ana wavegirl

Gerry, thanks for the refreshing beverages. It's hot here too.

Gail, happy shoppity shopping.

Connie, snagging a bacon sandwich to go with my coffee. Thanks.


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1074608
07/18/16 11:53 AM
07/18/16 11:53 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
It's..........A........... ????????

Joe glad you are enjoying the retiring stage of life!!! Have a lovely day!

Ana what fun and exciting things planned for today? Have a lovely day!

Gerry an ice tea just might hit the spot today! Have a lovely day!

Gail enjoy your walk and happy shopping!! Have a lovely day!

Connie have a lovely day!

L4l glad you are feeling yourself again!! Happy veggie fixing!! Have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1074611
07/18/16 12:44 PM
07/18/16 12:44 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Congrats, Nan, what does this bring the great count to?


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1074613
07/18/16 01:17 PM
07/18/16 01:17 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
yay Nan! Congratulations!

I'm just running errands today to get the house stocked with food again. I had to run and swim the dogs first so they stop bugging me. lol


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1074625
07/18/16 04:25 PM
07/18/16 04:25 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
thumbsup Nan Congrats


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1074643
07/18/16 09:13 PM
07/18/16 09:13 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Ok, it's that time. Sweet dreams all sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday [Re: looney4labs] #1074644
07/18/16 09:23 PM
07/18/16 09:23 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night Boomers. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1074651
07/18/16 10:19 PM
07/18/16 10:19 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Good night Boomers....I second that.

Midgie hearts sleep


Just do it.
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1074652
07/18/16 10:50 PM
07/18/16 10:50 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
Sweet dreams..

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
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