MAORI PROVERB
Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.
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These are actual answers from test papers and essays submitted to science and health teachers by junior high, high school, and college students around the world.“When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.”
“H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water”
“To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube”
“When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide”
“Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state”
“Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.”
“Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.”
“Blood flows down one leg and up the other.”
“Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.”
“The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.”
“Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.”
“Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.”
“A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.”
“Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.”
“The body consists of three parts- the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five – a, e, i, o, and u.”
“The pistol of a flower is its only protections against insects.”
“The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.”
“The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have ben taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.”
“A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.”
“The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.”
“A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.”
“Many women belive that an alcoholic binge will have no ill effects on the unborn fetus, but that is a large misconception.”
“Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.”
“Germinate: To become a naturalized German.”
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Top 10 Dumb Sports Quotes & Bloopers of All Time1. Well, I see in the game in Minnesota that Terry Felton has relieved himself on the mound in the second inning. — Fred White, Kansas City Royals sportscaster, reading a wire-service summary that mistakenly showed the same starter and relief pitcher for the Minnesota Twins.
2. “I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.” – Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
3. “We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.” – Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks.
4. “I’ve won at every level, except college and pro.”
-Shaquille O’Neal, on his lack of championships.
5. “I quit school in the sixth grade because of pneumonia. Not because I had it, but because I couldn’t spell it.”
-Boxing great Rocky Graziano
6. “I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father”
-Greg Norman
7. “I’m rich. What am I supposed to do, hide it?”
-Detroit Tiger Lou Whitaker, arriving in a stretch limo for a players’ union meeting during the 1994 baseball strike.
8. “The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing.”
Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series.
9. “I can play in the center, on the right, and occasionally on the left side." – soccer star David Beckham, asked if he was a “volatile" player.
10. “Half this game is ninety per cent mental.” – Danny Ozark, Philadelphia Phillies manager.
Honorable mention:
“There is one word in America that says it all, and that word is, ‘You never know.’”
-Pitcher Joaquin Andujar
“That’s why I don’t talk. Because I talk too much.”
-Joaquin Andujar
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Here are a few excerpts of funny letters to landlords.The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.
I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfires and burnt my knob off.
This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.
The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?
I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.
I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk? Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.
Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.
Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap? My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us.
50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy
Will you please send a man to look at my water. It is a funny color and not fit to drink.
It’s the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow
I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
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Good morning everyboomie.
I always have to look at yesterday's post to determine what day it is now.
That should not however be taken as an indication of just how much I care what day it is.
I was able to get my license renewed this morning no problem. I was told they open at 8:30am. I was at the park with the doggies, and when I loaded them back in the truck, I called the license office to see if they had their machine working now. This was about 8:40, and no one would answer the phone.
I'm thinking they are already pretty busy, so I took off driving there, and hoping it wouldn't take too long to get my new license.
I never go to the license or tag office on a Monday, or on the first, or last day of the month, because I know they will be very busy, but even for a day in the middle of the week, in the middle of the month, this place was even more dead than I expected. There was one girl working, and she was helping the only other customer in there besides myself.
He got his license, and then I got mine very shortly after that.
She didn't like the first picture she took of me, and for a minute I thought I had broken the camera. Then I thought to myself, how many times has that ever happened before. How many times have I had my license picture taken, and heard them say, "That's not a very good picture. Let me take another one." NEVER!!
They're always horrible!
Hey, have a happy day everyone.
joe
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Enjoy your time with James....I have Abbi! Have a lovely day!
