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#1075441 - Yesterday at 11:21 PM Monday
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 31098
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
The next time you’re faced with something that’s unexpected, unwanted and uncertain, consider that it just may be a gift.
STACEY KRAMER

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More Funny, silly, weird and sometimes even hilarious Newspaper headlines from actual newspapers.


Iraqi head seeks arms

Queen Mary having bottom scraped

Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?

Prostitutes appeal to Pope

Panda mating fails – veterinarian takes over

NJ judge to rule on nude beach

Child’s stool great for use in garden

Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors

Soviet virgin lands short of goal again

Organ festival ends in smashing climax

Eye drops off shelf

Squad helps dog bite victim

Dealers will hear car talk at noon

Enraged cow injures farmer with ax

Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests

Miners refuse to work after death

Two Soviet ships collide – one dies

Two sisters reunite after eighteen years at checkout counter

Never withhold herpes from loved one

Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy

Drunk drivers paid $1,000 in 1984

Autos killing 110 a day, let’s resolve to do better

If strike isn’t settled quickly it may last a while

War dims hope for peace

Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency

Cold wave linked to temperatures

Child’s death ruins couple’s holiday

Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn’t seen in years

Man is fatally slain

Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say

Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation

British Left Waffles on Falkan Islands

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Here are some really funny church bulletins and announcements:


Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “Hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.

Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang, “I will not pass this way again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.


The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: “Break Forth Into Joy.”

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

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Good morning everyboomie. welcome


Welcome to the new work week.....................for some. razz


The only thing I have planned for the week is my yearly check-up on Wednesday at the VA. thumbsup


It's when my doctor examines me and says, "I can't believe you're in such fantastic shape for an 80 year old man." smirk


Well it's better than her saying, "I can't believe you're still breathing." snicker


Maybe she won't put her rubber gloves on and say, "I need to examine your prostate now." razz


I spent too much time gaming tonight. I need to try and hit the sack earlier than 11:00 for once. woot


Have a happy day everyone.


joe


Edited by gymcandy1 (Yesterday at 11:26 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#1075443 - Yesterday at 11:33 PM Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 70347
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
The beauty of being retired Joe is doing things at your time! Stay up and play if you are having fun!

Have a happy day all!
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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