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Hump Day #1075703
07/26/16 09:12 PM
07/26/16 09:12 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
The dreadful burden of having nothing to do.

NICOLAS BOILEAU

````````````````````````````````


Here are some funny courtroom mistakes based on actual transcripts

Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first
marriage terminated?
By death.
And by whose death was it terminated?

Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.

What is your name?
Ernestine McDowell.
And what is your marital status?
Fair.

Now, doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in
his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn’t know anything about it until the next morning?
Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

I show you exhibit 3 and ask you
if you recognize that picture.
That’s me.
Were you present when that picture was taken?

So you were gone until you returned?

She had three children, right?
Yes.
How many were boys?
None.
Were there girls?

You don’t know what it was, and you didn’t know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
Yes.
And these stairs, did they go up also?

Were you alone or by yourself.

Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

Have you lived in this town all your life?
Not yet.

Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the rose Chapel?
It was in the evening. The autopsy started
about 8:30 p.m.
And Mr. Eddington was dead at the time,
is that correct?
No, you stupid, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!

How long have you been a French Canadian?

Are you married?
No, I’m divorced.
And what did your husband do
before you divorced him?
A lot of things I didn’t know about.

And who is this person you are speaking of?
My ex-widow said it.

Were you present in court this morning
when you were sworn in?

How did you happen to go to Dr. Cherney?
Well, a gal down the road had had several
of her children by Dr. Cherney, and said
he was really good.

Do you know how far pregnant you are right now?
I will be three months November 8th.
Apparently then, the date of conception
was August 8th?
Yes.
What were you and your husband doing at that time?

Mrs. Smith, do you believe that you
are emotionally unstable?
I used to be.
How many times have you comitted suicide?
Four times.

Were you aquainted with the deceased?
Yes, sir.
Before or after he died?

Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence?
Because he was argumentary and he couldn’t pronunciate his words.

What happened then?
He told me, he says, “I have to kill you because you can identify me.”
Did he kill you?
No.

Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
No. This is how I dress when I go to work.

THE COURT: Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present information and prejudice from your minds, if you have any.

Doctor, how many autopsies have you peformed
on dead people?
All my autopsies have been performed
on dead people.

Did he pick the dog up by the ears?
No.
What was he doing with the dog’s ears?
Picking them up in the air.
Where was the dog at this time?
Attached to the ears.

When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?
MR. BROOKS: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.

And lastly, Gary, all your responses must
be oral O.K.?
What school do you go to?
Oral.
How old are you?
Oral.

What is your relationship with the plaintiff?
She is my daughter.
Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?

Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not, where there was a victim?

…and what did he do then?
He came home, and next morning he was dead.
So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?

Did you tell your lawyer that your husband had offered you indignities?
He didn’t offer me nothing; he just said I could have the furniture.

So, after the anesthesia, when you came out of it, what did you observe with respect to your scalp?
I didn’t see my scalp the whole time
I was in the hospital.
It was covered?
Yes, bandaged.
Then, later on.. what did you see?
I had a skin graft. My whole buttocks and leg were removed and put on top of my head.

Could you see him from where you were standing?
I could see his head.
And where was his head?
Just above his shoulders.

What can you tell us about the truthfulness and veracity of this defendant?
Oh, she will tell the truth. She said she’d kill that sonofabitch – and she did!

Do you drink when you’re on duty?
I don’t drink when I’m on duty,
unless I come on duty drunk.

…any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted
murder trial?
The victim lived.

Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Yes, I have been since early childhood.

The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isn’t it. You too were shot in the fracas?
No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval.

What is the meaning of sperm being present?
It indicates intercourse.
Male sperm?
That is the only kind I know.

And was that the same nose you broke as a child?

Are you sexually active?
No, I just lie there.

```````````````````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


How was everybody doing.......... think....when you got up this morning? razz


I was doing ok, but my little dog was not. sad


I could tell Missy was in a lot of pain when I got up. She wouldn't go out to potty, and she wouldn't leave my side. I couldn't to get her to take half a baby aspirin, so I took her back to the vet for a pain shot. yes


After that, I took them to the park, but I really shouldn't have. She was still in pain when we got back home, and I spent the rest of the day just trying to keep her down, and comfortable.


Later this evening, she was up and around after I had showered. I had gotten her to take a quarter of a pain pill, by forcing it down her throat. She went out in the yard, and I couldn't get her to come back in because she wanted to go for a walk, and also because she didn't want me sticking my finger down her throat again. I finally took them walking around the block.


It was overcast most of the day, and we had thunderstorms all around us this afternoon, but we got almost no rain here. Bummer!


In the morning I go down to the VA for my check-up. woot


I was supposed to go in way back in March, but you know me, I just kept putting it off. I called to make an appointment once, and the lady said they were very busy, and she ask me to call back after 1:00, so I called back after 1:00, six weeks later. lol


It takes six weeks to get in, so there goes 3 months. shocked


Have a happy day everyone.



joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 07/26/16 09:19 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1075710
07/26/16 10:52 PM
07/26/16 10:52 PM
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
niteowl07 Offline
BAAG Specialist
niteowl07  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
joe ,loved the jokes !

hope missy gets to feeling better ,and you have good luck at your appointment !

everyone else have a wonderful day! wave2

Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1075715
07/26/16 11:12 PM
07/26/16 11:12 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Sorry Missy is not feeling well, Joe. sad Hope the shot helps her, and she starts feeling better soon! Hope your check up goes well also.

Have a terrific day, niteowl.

It's Tuesday night here, and I'm off tomorrow. Looks like I'll be doing more singing and gaming. thumbsup

Have a great Wednesday, everyone. summer


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1075742
07/27/16 04:44 AM
07/27/16 04:44 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, niteowl, venus and everyone. Joe hope Missy feels better. Niteowl enjoy your day. Venus have fun on your day off. Coffee and tea are ready. Happy Day wished for everyone! wave wave


Gerry
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1075750
07/27/16 06:45 AM
07/27/16 06:45 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great Hump Day. Joe, I hope Missy is feeling better today. puppy Danish, BB Pancakes, and Waffles in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1075758
07/27/16 08:17 AM
07/27/16 08:17 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers summer

Joe, hope Missy is feeling better this morning. Hope your Doc appointment goes well.

niteowl, good day to you!

Venus, enjoy your day off from work.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee. Stay cool. penguin

Connie, happy day wishes to you.

Weather is hot again today. Taking the girls out to lunch. Wishing everyone a super duper day! lab


Gail
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1075777
07/27/16 11:01 AM
07/27/16 11:01 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Sorry to hear about Missy, Joe. Merlin has a fractured vertebrae and when he moves wrong he can't walk. It's so hard to watch them when they are in pain. Breaks my heart. Hope today is better.

Late night last night at the GooGoo Dolls and Collective Souls concert. It was phenomenal though.

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1075782
07/27/16 11:21 AM
07/27/16 11:21 AM
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
niteowl07 Offline
BAAG Specialist
niteowl07  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
glad you had fun ,ana and ouch ! poor merlin ! will that heal ? it just sounds so painful.

i'm so glad we got some cool, because my ac went wonky during the brownout last evening - always something ,hey ? lol

Last edited by niteowl07; 07/27/16 11:22 AM.
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1075787
07/27/16 12:01 PM
07/27/16 12:01 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Wonderful Wednesday ya'll puppy

Boys are here. Son had emergency dental work yesterday and has to go back today for more, so since he was off, he went by and got the munchkins.

I'm working on book cooking. Was supposed to yesterday but with my molasses brain epxerience, thought playing in the finances was not a good idea.

Ana, so sorry about Merlin. Do we know how it happened? Spryte had x-rays yesterday and her backbone is Ugly....not one "normal" vertebrae in the lot.

Joe, you can stick those pills in a little piece of vienna sausage or in the "pill Pockets" from the store. That usually works around here, though with Seagan I have to give the other dogs several treats and then she gets her pill followed by a treat without a pill. luck

Cooking time wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1075788
07/27/16 12:24 PM
07/27/16 12:24 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Aw Joe, poor Missy! I use Braunschweiger if I have to give Sassy a pill. She LOVES it!! lol Hope she feels better soonest! Thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Howdy niteowl good to see you!! Hope all is well. Have a lovely day!

venus have fun singing and gaming!! Have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the tea and have a lovely day!

Connie thanks for the Danish and have a lovely day!

Gail enjoy lunch out with the girls and have a lovely day!

Ana glad you enjoyed yourself at the concert last night!! Have a lovely day!

L4l glad the molasses has thinned so you can do the book cooking!! Have a lovely day!!

wave
Nan

Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1075789
07/27/16 12:46 PM
07/27/16 12:46 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
niteowl, nothing they can do about it, he's old and enjoying his last days. hearts 99% of his time we manage his pain very well. He's a happy dog still. Sorry your AC went out. frown I hope you can get it fixed quickly!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1075792
07/27/16 01:10 PM
07/27/16 01:10 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Nan, we haven't tried that for pills. Gonna try it for Seagy. She gets tired of the same thing all the time.

Hugs, Ana

Back to the books. wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1075801
07/27/16 03:44 PM
07/27/16 03:44 PM
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
niteowl07 Offline
BAAG Specialist
niteowl07  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
Ana ,interesting to know - i'm starting to see signs with melodee. she is no where near as old as my previous cats,but was a rescue with an incomplete history.

as for my ac ,fingers crossed it keeps "working somewhat " until friday.and i have ceiling fans .
i should be fine - with these temps in the mid-80's ,i feel like it's a cold front anyways after the past month lol

anyhoo ,catch you all later.. wave

Re: Hump Day [Re: looney4labs] #1075802
07/27/16 03:44 PM
07/27/16 03:44 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1075810
07/27/16 05:19 PM
07/27/16 05:19 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
wavegirl sleep wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1075813
07/27/16 05:35 PM
07/27/16 05:35 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Fingers crossed, Niteowl catrub

wavegirl Haroula

Welcome home, Space puppy


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Hump Day [Re: looney4labs] #1075818
07/27/16 06:53 PM
07/27/16 06:53 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
thanks looney


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1075835
07/27/16 09:19 PM
07/27/16 09:19 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Well, it's that time. Off to bed. Sweet dreams all sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Hump Day [Re: looney4labs] #1075843
07/27/16 09:45 PM
07/27/16 09:45 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Me too. Good night all. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1075844
07/27/16 09:48 PM
07/27/16 09:48 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
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