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Tuesday's #1077380
08/08/16 10:56 PM
08/08/16 10:56 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.

MILTON BERLE

`````````````````````````

During our computer class, the teacher chastised one boy for talking to the girl sitting next to him.

"I was just asking her a question," the boy said.

"If you have a question, ask me," the teacher tersely replied.

"Okay," he answered. "Do you want to go out with me Friday night?"

`````````

Four students walked in halfway through the American history test my father was giving at the local community college. "Sorry," they said, "we had a flat tire."

An understanding man, Dad said that if they could all answer just one question correctly, he would give them each an "A" for the exam. The students agreed. So my father handed each one a piece of paper, placed them in four separate corners and said, "Write down which tire was flat."

`````````````````````

At the beginning of my junior year at Russellville High School in Arkansas, our homeroom teacher had us fill out a form stating our future goals. Out of curiosity, I leaned over to see what my friend put down for her aspirations.

Where it read "Vocational Plans," she had written, "Florida."

````````````````````````````````````````````````

One afternoon while I was visiting my library, I noticed a group of preschoolers gathered for story time. The book they were reading was "There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly." After the librarian finished the first page, she asked the children, "Do you think she’ll die?"

"Nope," a little girl in the back said. "I saw this last night on ‘Fear Factor.’"

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````

While reviewing math symbols with my second-grade pupils, I drew a greater-than (>) and a less-than (<) sign on the chalkboard and asked, "Does anyone remember what these mean?" A few moments passed, and then a boy confidently raised his hand. "One means fast-forward," he exclaimed, "and the other means rewind!"

```````````````````````````````````````````

Parents are justifiably upset when their children don’t get into the college of their choice. As an admissions counselor for a state university, I took a call from an irate mother demanding to know why her daughter had been turned down. Avoiding any mention of the transcript full of D’s, I explained that her daughter just wasn’t as "competitive" as the admitted class. "Why doesn’t she try another school for a year and then transfer?" I suggested.

"Another school!" exclaimed Mom. "Have you seen her grades?"

``````````````````

Did you hear about the college professor who was involved in a terrible car wreck? He was grading papers on a curve.

```````````````````````````````````

As a fund-raiser, the chemistry club designed and sold T-shirts. Written across the front were our top "Stupid Chemistry Sayings":

• Have yourself a Merry Little Bismuth

• What do you do with dead people? Barium

• You stupid boron!

• We hope your year is very phosphorous.

``````````````````````````

My father began teaching business classes at the local prison through a community college. On his first night of class, he started a chapter on banking. During the course of his lecture, the subject of ATMs came up, and he mentioned that, on average, most machines contain only about $1,500 at a given time.

Just then a man in the back raised his hand. "I’m not trying to be disrespectful," he told my father, "but the machine I robbed had about $5,000 in it."

``````````````````````

Shortly after my son started college, the president of the university had an assembly for the new students. "Welcome to Johns Hopkins," he began, "And please note that it’s Johns, not John."

Then he told how one of his predecessors, Milton Eisenhower, had been invited to talk at the University of Pittsburgh. After he was introduced as the president of "John Hopkins," Eisenhower said, "Thank you. It’s great to be in Pittburgh."

````````````````````````````````````

Kids have a greater need for speed than classroom computers can deliver. Impatient to turn in his term paper, one restless student kept clicking the "Print" command. The printer started to churn out copy after copy of the kid’s ten-page report.

The topic? "Save Our Trees."

``````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


Welcome to.......think......the next one. thumbsup


I'm more that just a little peeved at my computer, and internet tonight. hardwall


Just changing tabs requires a 5 second wait. rolleyes


It's probably more my ISP. smirk


Now if this thing were as old as I am, I could understand it moving so slow.


Ok it took me half a minute to go get that last smiley, I'm outta here. slapforehead


Good thing I don't have to use this computer for an alarm clock.


Have a happy day everyone.


joe



There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1077382
08/08/16 11:06 PM
08/08/16 11:06 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Sorry your computer or internet is acting up Joe. It's so frustrating when that happens!

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1077394
08/09/16 03:41 AM
08/09/16 03:41 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
wave Good Morning Joe, Ana and everyone. Joe maybe your computer is following your example and has decided to retire too! joy2 Have a great day Ana! wave2 Coffee, tea, and iced tea are ready! Wishing everyone a smiley day! wave


Gerry
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1077399
08/09/16 06:16 AM
08/09/16 06:16 AM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 689
Sweden
RebKean Offline
Settled Boomer
RebKean  Offline
Settled Boomer

Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 689
Sweden
Haha, the smiley thing. I've learned that for every new smiley you insert, it starts to go in slowmotion. The little window that pops up that is. It reminds me of myself and my ADD. Just one thing at a time. Otherwise, it takes a really long time to get it. lol

Putting bookcases together and up today. I wonder if all swedes have IKEA stuff at home? It might be the law? haha

Morning! rah

Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1077402
08/09/16 06:37 AM
08/09/16 06:37 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful Tuesday. Darlene, Congrats to you and your family on the arrival of Liam. A friend is staying with me for a few days. Dinner and karaoke at Panda tonight. Danish, BB Pancakes, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1077425
08/09/16 09:37 AM
08/09/16 09:37 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

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Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
RebKean, we have IKEA in our house too! I've spent many a night cussing them when assembling. lol

Connie, enjoy your company! How Fun!

Gerry, the olympics sure have some exciting moments this year! Are you enjoying it? I love the gymnastics best.


Ana wave

Last edited by BrownEyedTigre; 08/09/16 10:01 AM.

Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1077434
08/09/16 10:34 AM
08/09/16 10:34 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers wavegirl

Joe, Joe, enjoy a non-technical day!

Ana, have a great day!

RebKean, hope your bookcases come together easily.

Gerry, coffee please and thank you.

Connie, enjoy the Panda tonight.

Got a lot of things taken care of yesterday so today is an easy peasy day. Wishing everyone a wonderful day! lab


Gail
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1077436
08/09/16 10:41 AM
08/09/16 10:41 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Congrats, Darlene, on the birth of your new grandson!!! Glad that all are doing well!

Joe hope the "net" or computer start working right!! Thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Ana me too along with the swimming!!! Have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the tea with little cubes in it. It's going to be 85 today so it will hit the spot!! Enjoy the Olympics and have a lovely day!

RebKean good luck with the book shelves!! Have a lovely day!

Connie thanks for the Danish and have a lovely day!

Oh Gail I love when that happens!! Enjoy the "easy peasy" and have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1077441
08/09/16 11:20 AM
08/09/16 11:20 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Terrific Tuesday ya'll puppy

Today is yesterday, phase 2. Cooking books, phase 2. Oven cleaning, phase 2. Laundry, phase 2. Off to feed the dogs at the moment. Skywalker is gently reminding me that it's time. wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1077444
08/09/16 11:47 AM
08/09/16 11:47 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
I love IKEA. On my thrift store trips, I often see, packages and boxes of IKEA items and none of them are in English. It's always fun trying to figure out what they are and what parts go to what. Sometimes I find things I can actually use.

HUMID. Nuf said.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: Sorta Blonde] #1077450
08/09/16 12:51 PM
08/09/16 12:51 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Good morning everybody. wave2

I was up, had breakfast, took the dogs to the park, went to Walmart, and came back home before 8:00. hamster

Since then, I've been messing with the computer. It's working much better now simply because I shut off my modem and router and restarted them. joy2

Oh the joys of operating computers. razz

Since THEN I've been trying to install, and play games with absolutely no luck. Even games that I was playing yesterday, I can't play today. hardwall

Oh the joys of computers. blech

Time for lunch now. cool

I hope you guys are all having a fantastic day. thumbsup

joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1077454
08/09/16 01:13 PM
08/09/16 01:13 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Wow, Joe, I'm impressed. You must have been up before the sun. I wish my brain operated that way this time of year. I agree with you about computers...love them when they work and am so frustrated when they don't. luck


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: Sorta Blonde] #1077465
08/09/16 02:07 PM
08/09/16 02:07 PM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 689
Sweden
RebKean Offline
Settled Boomer
RebKean  Offline
Settled Boomer

Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 689
Sweden
Originally Posted By: Sorta Blonde
I love IKEA. On my thrift store trips, I often see, packages and boxes of IKEA items and none of them are in English. It's always fun trying to figure out what they are and what parts go to what. Sometimes I find things I can actually use.

HUMID. Nuf said.


Haha, I just learned recently that stuff has the same namne everywhere? I thought they changed the names but perhaps not. If that's the case then I can understand why it would be hard to know what's in the boxes (perhaps you meant something completely different, but that's were my mind went). Many namnes are quite funny here too, like naming their knives "pointy" or whatever. There's a lot of namnes though, so this doesn't happen that much, but I like stupid humour like that. lol

Re: Tuesday's [Re: RebKean] #1077486
08/09/16 03:33 PM
08/09/16 03:33 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Hot, hot, hot here today. Just hanging inside until 5 when I can vote for Ana again. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1077492
08/09/16 03:52 PM
08/09/16 03:52 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Welcome home, Space. Hot here too, though they say we will cool down to low 90's this week hamster


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1077494
08/09/16 04:02 PM
08/09/16 04:02 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Yeah RebKean, the packages are of course all split up at the thrift stores. It's always a scavenger hunt there. Makes it fun. I'm pretty sure the 'names' on the packages are in Swedish, or another language I just can't fathom. Fun stuff. Love their products. Clean lines, awesome looking. I've got some little chrome towel bars and a really neat 'clothesline' with a wire in between nicely designed holders. I am using the holders as 'hooks' on my kitchen walls for fun antique stuff. I'd shop at IKEA only the prices are far beyond my limits. Thrift stores just sell so cheap. Gotta go shopping again. Haven't been to a thrift for over a month and I'm getting withdrawals. scared


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: Sorta Blonde] #1077508
08/09/16 05:27 PM
08/09/16 05:27 PM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 689
Sweden
RebKean Offline
Settled Boomer
RebKean  Offline
Settled Boomer

Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 689
Sweden
Originally Posted By: Sorta Blonde
Yeah RebKean, the packages are of course all split up at the thrift stores. It's always a scavenger hunt there. Makes it fun. I'm pretty sure the 'names' on the packages are in Swedish, or another language I just can't fathom. Fun stuff. Love their products. Clean lines, awesome looking. I've got some little chrome towel bars and a really neat 'clothesline' with a wire in between nicely designed holders. I am using the holders as 'hooks' on my kitchen walls for fun antique stuff. I'd shop at IKEA only the prices are far beyond my limits. Thrift stores just sell so cheap. Gotta go shopping again. Haven't been to a thrift for over a month and I'm getting withdrawals. scared


I wonder if the prices stay the same over there or if they change? We shop a lot at IKEA just because of the prices. Well not just, but we find that there are a lot of good stuff at reasonable prizes. But maybe it's cheaper here?

Haha, I'm looking around in the room and almost everything is from there. lol

Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1077514
08/09/16 06:31 PM
08/09/16 06:31 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
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The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

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Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Sorta, here are the source of the names behind the items at IKEA:

Upholstered furniture, coffee tables, rattan furniture, bookshelves, media storage, doorknobs: Swedish placenames
Beds, wardrobes, hall furniture: Norwegian place names
Dining tables and chairs: Finnish place names
Bookcase ranges: Occupations
Bathroom articles: Scandinavian lakes, rivers and bays
Kitchens: grammatical terms, sometimes also other names
Chairs, desks: men's names
Fabrics, curtains: women's names
Garden furniture: Swedish islands
Carpets: Danish place names
Lighting: terms from music, chemistry, meteorology, measures, weights, seasons, months, days, boats, nautical terms
Bedlinen, bed covers, pillows/cushions: flowers, plants, precious stones
Children's items: mammals, birds, adjectives
Curtain accessories: mathematical and geometrical terms
Kitchen utensils: foreign words, spices, herbs, fish, mushrooms, fruits or berries, functional descriptions
Boxes, wall decoration, pictures and frames, clocks: colloquial expressions, also Swedish place names

RebKean, the prices are very reasonable here and quite popular among college kids and such especially.

Last edited by BrownEyedTigre; 08/09/16 06:46 PM.

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Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1077520
08/09/16 08:15 PM
08/09/16 08:15 PM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 689
Sweden
RebKean Offline
Settled Boomer
RebKean  Offline
Settled Boomer

Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 689
Sweden
Haha, had to look that up for myself, but it's more or less complete. Never knew that.

The most common name for an item, that most swedes know from birth I think, is a bookcase called Billy. So, male names is used for bookcases as well. I think it has existed for a long long time. We have two of them. With some kind of pattern on it, was cheaper like that. wink
I know this sounds like I'm hyping my game again, but you can see my Billy and other things when it's released. I know, very interesting, haha. lol

Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1077522
08/09/16 08:52 PM
08/09/16 08:52 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
It's that time. Sweet dreams all sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: looney4labs] #1077524
08/09/16 09:37 PM
08/09/16 09:37 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night everyone. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1077525
08/09/16 09:37 PM
08/09/16 09:37 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Wow Ana! That really helps! Now I'll have some idea of what piecy parts I am looking at. Always fun. Geez, where do you find this information?????


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1077528
08/09/16 09:52 PM
08/09/16 09:52 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Sorta, Google is my friend. grin


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