Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.
JOHN WOODEN
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My friend John came into French class one Monday with a pillow that he placed on his seat. Over the weekend he had been skiing and mildly fractured his tailbone. Our teacher promptly asked him to explain, en français, why he was sitting on a pillow.
To our amusement, John answered, "Sorbonne."
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According to the Internet: Students in a Harvard English 101 class were asked to write a concise essay containing four elements: religion, royalty, sex and mystery. The only A+ in the class read: "’My God,’ said the Queen, ‘I’m pregnant! I wonder who did it.’"
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In honor of Memorial Day, the teacher I worked with read the Constitution to her third-grade class.
After reading “We the people,” she paused to ask the children what they thought that meant.
One boy raised his hand and asked, “Is that like ‘We da bomb?’ ”
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Most of my English literature classmates thought reading Melville’s Billy Budd would be an easy task because the novel is only 90 pages long. One boy, however, complained that the text was heavy and hard to comprehend.
"Hey," another student suggested, "maybe you should try reading Budd Light."
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Danny was hard to miss at our school. A Civil War buff who forever wore his Confederate overcoat, he was a friend to all. When he was passed over during the vote for senior superlatives, many of us were disappointed; surely there must have been some category suitable for him.
The whole school was pleased, therefore, when the yearbook adviser surprised us with an additional photo. There was Danny, decked out in his gray coat, with the caption: "Most Likely to Secede."
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Freshmen in the general-science class at Mark Twain Middle School in Mar Vista, Calif., were studying astronomy. "What do we call a group of stars that makes an imaginary picture in the sky?" the teacher asked.
"A consternation," one student replied.
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Driving my car one afternoon, I rolled through a stop sign. I was pulled over by a police officer, who recognized me as his former English teacher.
"Mrs. Brown," he said, "those stop signs are periods, not commas."
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A police car with flashing lights pulled me over near the high school where I teach. As the officer asked for my license and registration, my students began to drive past. Some honked their horns, others hooted, and still others stopped to admonish me for speeding.
Finally the officer asked me if I was a teacher at the school, and I told him I was.
"I think you’ve paid your debt to society," he concluded with a smile, and left without giving me a ticket.
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A friend was assigned a new post teaching English to inmates in prison. Feeling a little nervous on his first day, he began by asking the class a basic question:
"Now, who can tell me what a sentence is?"
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At the school where my mother worked, the two first-grade teachers were named Miss Paine and Mrs. Hacking. One morning the mother of a student called in the middle of a flu epidemic to excuse her daughter from school.
"Is she in Paine or Hacking?" the school secretary asked.
"She feels fine," said the confused mom. "We have company and I’m just keeping her home."
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When I became a licensed chiropractor, I moved back to my hometown and soon had a thriving practice. One morning I saw a new patient whom I recognized as my old high school principal.
"Gee," I said nervously, "I’m a little surprised to see you here."
"Why?" he replied. "You certainly spent a great deal of time in my office."
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The board of education in a nearby town sold off a building that had been a one-room schoolhouse. The buyer converted it to a tavern. One day an elderly man was walking by the place with his grandson and pointed to the building.
"That’s where I went to school when I was your age."
"Really," said the boy. "Who was your bartender back then?"
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A student in my math course at Ohlone State College in Fremont, Calif., developed a severe case of tendinitis. Since she couldn’t write, she brought a video camera to tape my lectures. After three or four classes, I asked her if she found the method satisfactory. She said it was working quite well, even better than note-taking.
"Actually," she confessed, "I have another reason for doing this. When I told my mother you were a widower, she wanted to see what you look like."
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After registering for his high school classes, my son burst into the house, filled with excitement. "Dad," he announced in one breath, "I got all the classes I wanted. But I have to have my school supplies by tomorrow. I need a protractor and a compass for geometry, a dictionary for English, a dissecting kit for biology—and a car for driver’s ed."
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Good morning everyboomie.
What a difference a day makes, I can't believe all I needed was to reset my router.
Everything works near perfectly now with no hesitation or delay.
My command of computers is unbelievable and undeniable. I am such a meistro.
I need to put my shoes on, it's getting deep in here.
So I got this treadmill thing, and I've been doing quite a bit of walking on it, and today I added up all the miles that I've walked, and it's over 64 miles, since July 7th.
At a half mile an hour, that took me pretty much all day every day since July 7th.
My legs are all wobbley now, so I took it back to the store.
I've burned about 10 million calories and yet I still weigh the same.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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witter
Have an easy peasy day!
Have a great day!
Son and family are on holiday in England at the moment and are dining al fresco! No fair! 
