For small creatures such as we, the vastness is bearable only through love.
CARL SAGAN
`````````````````
“Has your son decided what
he wants to be when he grows up?”
I asked my friend.
“He wants to be a garbageman,”
he replied.
“That’s an unusual ambition to have at such a young age.”
“Not really. He thinks that garbagemen work only on Tuesdays.”
`````````````````
Dumb Clients: A Different Color
Client: The blue looks OK, but it would be great if it was a little more orange. Like “blorange.”
Source: clientsfromhell.net
````````````````````
I phoned a local restaurant to
ask if it was on the north or south side of Main Street. The person on the other end answered, “That
depends on which direction you’re coming from.”
``````````````````
“Halt!” shouted our drill
instructor. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. Our instructor approached the
directionally challenged Marine
and stomped on his left foot. “Now,” he said, “when I say ‘left,’ it’s the
one that hurts.”
`````````````````````
Shaving with Daddy
My son was born while I was serving abroad, so he was three
before we met. When I got home, I decided it was time for a little father-son bonding time. I bought him a
toy razor and invited him to “shave” with me. In the bathroom, I took
up my razor and started shaving.
I looked around to see how my son was doing. His foot was up on the side of the bathtub, and he was
running the razor up and down
his leg. So much for male bonding.
````````````````````
One of the most popular questions asked at our family restaurant is “What’s good tonight?”
Now, we would never serve anything we didn’t think was good. So
I braced myself one Saturday night when I heard the dreaded question posed to my husband.
He calmly replied, “Anything over $17.95.”
``````````````````
I’m a dog trainer. Before I met with a new client, I had her fill out a questionnaire. One question asked, “Why did you choose this breed?”
My client responded, “I often ask myself this very same question.”
``````````````````````
The Dumbest Questions from National Park Tourists
What are the wildest things national park guides contend with? Questions from tourists, like these:
• How much does Mount McKinley weigh?
• Would the lightning be faster if
it didn’t zigzag?
• What do you do with the snow when it melts?
```````````````````````
The Most Confusing Password
I was in a couple’s home trying to fix their Internet connection.
The husband called out to his wife
in the other room for the computer password. “Start with a capital S, then 123,” she shouted back.
We tried S123 several times, but
it didn’t work. So we called the wife in. As she input the password, she muttered, “I really don’t know what’s so difficult about typing Start123.”
`````````````````````
My daughter Amy was holding down two jobs: The first was as a manicurist at a salon; the other was raking leaves for a housing development. One day, she came back from lunch at the raking job to find a note. Her boss, who didn’t know about
her other job, had taken down this phone message: “Amy, you have a man to cure on Thursday at three.”
`````````````````````
A client called my help desk saying she couldn’t send an e-mail. When I was done troubleshooting the problem, she interrupted me to ask, “Wait a minute, do I type @ in lower- or uppercase?”
``````````````````````
My granddaughter was
graduating from college, so I asked about any plans she had for the
future. She hadn’t any, but she
did know this much: “I certainly don’t want to sit in one of those
cubicles and think all day.”
``````````````````````
The Best Legal Advice Ever…
…was spotted on a billboard ad for the law office of Larry L. Archie: “Just because you did it doesn’t mean you’re guilty.”
`````````````````````````
Real Excuses Tenants Gave for Not Paying Rent
• “I have to make payments on my BMW and iPhones.”
• “You are too wrapped up in the whole concept of ‘money. ’ ”
• “So … you’re talking to me only
because the rent’s not paid? Is that all I am to you? A tenant?”
Source: the Landlord Protection Agency (thelpa.com)
````````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Ah thank the good Lord for 'copy and paste'.
If I had to actually write these post out by hand, or even type every joke fully then you guys would never have heard from me to begin with.
Sometimes even copy and paste is a challenge for me.
I hope everyone is having a great weekend. I took the dogs to the park today, but not till about 10:00.
The park was full of kids from 3 different towns that I could tell from the buses. They were here to play soft ball.
That really got Missy excited. She loves kids.
OY! I hate seeing these pizza commercials late at night. Now I'm hungry again.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Cake in the corner for Midgie, come one, come all! Let's make some noise and party!
Happy Birthday Midgie! 
looney. You too. 
