The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
WINSTON CHURCHILL
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Time Flies
As a flight attendant, I wear a watch with two faces: one set for the time in our departure city, and the other set for our destination city. One day, a passenger asked me for the time. Looking at my watch, I told her, “It’s 9:41 in Chicago and 5:41 in Honolulu.”
Intrigued, she asked, “Is the watch available for other cities?”
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Color Me Stupid
A client walked into my design studio with a black-and-white flyer.
Client: Can you make a color copy?
Me: Do you have the original?
Client: No. Just this one.
Me: Sorry, I can’t make color copies unless I have the original color version.
Client (confused): Why can’t you just run it through the color copier?
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Poor word choice, Doc
A doctor sent this note to our medical clinic: “Patient needs a
referral for your office from me. I saw her for her ankle and would like you to run over it.”
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These office drones know exactly what you’re thinking at work:
• No one likes hearing “agree to disagree.” Why don’t we just say, “You’re wrong, but I don’t feel like fighting about it right now”?
• Sorry, I don’t listen to lectures on being organized from people with 60 icons on their laptop’s desktop.
• Answers to questions asked on the way to the bathroom are not
legally binding. People will agree to anything in that situation.
From meetingboy.com
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Work is an Onion
Supervisor: This project isn’t something we can finish off quickly. It’s like an onion. It has layers that we have to peel away, one by one.
Coworker: And it will make us cry a lot.
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England’s oddest visa requests
It’s Winter break time, and a lot of people will be traveling. Which means it’s also a great time to be the person who gets to approve visa requests, like these handed in by travelers to England.
• “I want to be closer to Elton John. He doesn’t come to Togo. Do you see him much in Britain?”
• “Do you know if it’s easier to find a wife in England? I’m struggling here [in Peru].”
• “Is everybody friends with the queen?”
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My cousin once called in sick to work because of a “death in the family.”
I was her boss.
reddit.com
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A Grave Error
Our business relies heavily on abbreviations. For example, I called a customer the other day. Reading from my printout, I asked, “Are you still a fun director?”
After a pause, he replied, “I’m a funeral director.”
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Fraction Infraction
One of my fourth-grade students told me he had trouble with math. His explanation summed it up well: “The guy next to me always gets ten out of ten on his quizzes, and I get only ten out of four.”
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Job Candi-dolts
Doing your best not to join
the workforce? Just act like these job seekers did while meeting hiring managers:
• Candidate said he had to quit a banking job because he was always tempted to steal.
• Candidate said he didn’t want the job if he had to work a lot.
• Candidate called his wife to see what they were having for dinner.
• Candidate emptied the employer’s candy dish into her pocket.
• Candidate wouldn’t answer a question because he thought the company would steal his idea and not hire him.
From careerbuilder.com
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Good morning everyboomie.
The new week is here.
I'm having Déjà Vu. I have the strangest feeling I lived this day already 6 days ago.
No, that was Tuesday, never mind.
The weekend really is a state of mind. It's funny that I feel more relaxed on Saturday and Sunday, and on Monday I feel pressure to get stuff done. I feel like I have to be doing something productive.
Today I'm going to make a list of everything I would be doing if I really gave a darn.
No I really have got to sit down and list the things that I really have to get done.
Then I'll know exactly what to ignore.
They don't call me ignorant for nothing.
I ignore stuff all the time.
Have a blissfully ignorant day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
