When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down “happy.” They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.
ANONYMOUS
`````````````````
Bad Interviews
Going on a job interview? Take pity on the poor hiring managers, who filed these reports: "The applicant smelled his armpits on the way to the interview room."
"The candidate told the interviewer he was fired from his last job for beating up his boss."
"An applicant said she was a ‘people person,’ not a ‘numbers person,’ in her interview for an accounting position.
````````````````
Humorist Phil Proctor does a lot of radio voice-overs. But his favorite part of the job is reading the character descriptions in the script:
• "We’re looking for the voice of God, but not a goofy God, a real God."
• "Sounds good-looking."
• (For a fast-food campaign) "This is not a bitter chicken, but he is having trouble coping with the modern world."
• "Female voice. American. Sultry, like drinking chocolate from the back of a moose."
````````````````
Emergency
I opened the refrigerator at work to get my lunch. Instead of my dessert, I found this note: "IOU one banana cream. Sorry, it was an emergency. Sharon."
`````````````
Indispensable
When my boss returned to the office, he was told that everyone had been looking for him. That set him off on a speech about how indispensable he was to the company.
"Actually," interrupted his assistant, "you left with the key to the stationary closet."
```````````````````````
Odd Job
One read through this man’s résumé and it was no wonder he was looking for a new line of work: Under "Previous Job," he’d written, "Stalker at Walmart."
```````````````
TMI
A job application made me do a double take. After the entry "Sex," the applicant had written, "Once in Florida."
```````````````
Experience
I won’t be hiring this assistant soon, even if her résumé boasts, "I’m a team player with 16 years of assassinating experience."
`````````````````
Assets
While auditing one of our departments, an assistant asked me what I was doing. "Listing your assets," I told her.
"Oh," she said. "Well, I have a good sense of humor and I make great lasagna."
`````````````
Arrangements Can Be Made
An employment website boasted that it provided training, counseling, and placement services. What’s more, “many services are available in Spanish, and we arrange interrupters.”
````````````````````
Payday
A friend had a waitressing position open at his diner and asked job seekers to fill out an application. Under "Salary Expected," a woman wrote "Friday."
`````````````
An Honest Answer
A job interviewer asked me where I wanted to be in five years. I said, "Ideally, suspended with pay."
````````````````
Job Hazards
I had an inauspicious start as a dog groomer when one of my first clients bit me. Noticing my pain, my boss voiced her concern.
"Whatever you do," she said, "don’t bleed on the white dogs."
``````````````````
Odd Job
Our daughter took the afternoon off from her job at the funeral home to visit her daughter in preschool. When one of the kids asked what she did for a living, my granddaughter answered for her: "She sells underground furniture."
```````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
I'm not sure if it was my dementia, or excessive tiredness, but I walked around here all day long thinking it was Saturday.
I knew that I posted for Friday, but since that was last night, I guess I just thought it was Saturday now........so I'm calling it my dementia and not tiredness.
I even remember telling folks 'welcome to the weekend'.
I also walked around all day with no pants on, so all in all, thinking it was Saturday was no big deal.
I'm glad I didn't take the dogs to the big park in Durant for their walk. There's always more dogs there, and they're always connected to people.
I didn't get arrested, so I guess not very many of my neighbors looked out their windows when I walked by......or else......they liked what they saw???
Oh wait.........
......I walked by the elementary school.
Have a happy Saturday everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Have a great Saturday, Joe.
Have fun!
My sleep schedule has also been a bit of a mess lately, mostly because my cats feel I should be on their schedule instead. 
looney. I hope you feel better soon.
Love retirement. Hope you are really enjoying yours too, Joe! It takes a while to get used to not jumping up to an alarm clock or rushing to get dressed, or grabbing food on the way to work, but wow, the perks of being able to do whatever you choose on any day of the week...priceless.
