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Monday #1082012
09/11/16 10:05 PM
09/11/16 10:05 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY

``````````````

Seen on a marquee outside the Clinton Correctional Facility, a maximum security prison in Dannemora, New York: The Dannemora fire department reminds you it’s fire prevention week. Practice your escape plan.”

``````````````

The World's Dumbest Criminals: The Inanity Defense

You’re a dumb criminal if …

… You believe flattery will get you anywhere. Adan Juarez Ramirez had it all figured out—he could be a cop without having to take the boring test. But he was arrested in Grapevine, Texas, after pulling over a driver in his pickup truck, outfitted with flashing lights. He even had an ID badge, which he’d made by blacking out a restaurant gift card and etching in the word "POLICE." However, he’d kept the restaurant’s logo, a jalapeño pepper surrounded by the words "Chipotle Mexican Grill."

… You leave IOUs. Graham Price of South Wales ripped off the bank where he worked, but he wasn’t completely duplicitous. He left a note in the safe: "Borrowed, seven million pounds"—signed "Graham Price."

… You vastly overrate your powers of persuasion. Marlon Moore of Miami filed a fraudulent tax return, and the IRS promptly sent him a $10,000 refund. So figuring, Why not try my luck again?, he sent in three more tax returns. But even the IRS raised an eyebrow at cutting him a check for the total amount of the refunds: more than $14 trillion. Moore pleaded guilty to cashing the $10,000 check.

… You think presidents need a promotion. James Rhyne of Memphis was charged with forgery after he handed a waitress a $100 bill. The waitress knew something was funny with the money: Instead of the portly visage of Ben Franklin, it was the star of the $5 bill, Abe Lincoln, who was staring back at her.

… You leave a paper trail. Hickory, North Carolina, cops were able to solve in record time the mystery of the two cash registers purloined from the Captain’s Galley restaurant. Their big break came when they discovered a trail of white register tape. They followed it 50 yards to an apartment, where, they say, Donny Guy was cracking the registers open.

… You love too much. Maybe Stephfon Bennett should try online dating. After he and two accomplices allegedly mugged a couple in Columbus, Ohio, police say he found the woman’s ID in her purse, then showed up at her door with a simple proposal: How about a date? Since a girl likes to play hard to get, she called the cops, who arrested Bennett outside her home.

… You skimp on travel expenses. Twelve Middle Eastern immigrants forgot the first rule of sneaking into a country: Don’t call attention to yourself. En route to England from Germany, they snuck a ride in the back of a man’s truck. They stayed mum throughout their trip, even as they crossed the Channel into England. But once they hit Dover, they celebrated their arrival with songs and whoops. Not for long, though. The startled driver headed to a police station, where the 12 were apprehended.

… You’re not picky about your office location. Christopher Oxley of Everett, Washington, was arrested for conducting a drug deal over the phone—in the bathroom of the Everett Police Department.

… You’re convinced the laws of physics don’t apply to you. Clive Halford thinks big! The British career criminal stole a truck and loaded it with 18 pallets of stolen nickel and copper worth around £150,000 (about $250,000). Yes, the haul was huge—too huge. Cops arrested Halford after the truck’s suspension collapsed under the weight. Earlier, Halford had stolen a car, overloaded it, and broken its suspension too.

… You text and rob. Nicholas Greenly dropped his cell phone near where an 84-year-old woman had her purse snatched in Mount Lebanon, Pennsylvania. Cops suspected that he might be involved in the crime when they read the phone’s last outgoing text message: "I am ready to grab some old lady’s purse."

… You play both roles in a game of cops and robbers. Being a key suspect in a robbery wasn’t going to stop Romeo Montillano from realizing his dream of becoming a Chula Vista, California, police officer. Unfortunately for Montillano, his would-be colleagues put the kibosh on his plans, arresting him when he showed up to take the entrance exam. As he was led away, Montillano had one question: Could he take the test later? His request was denied.

… You make every day Take Your Child to Work Day. Callie Rough of Middletown, Ohio, was picked up for shoplifting from a Dollar General store with her two young children in tow. Among the booty was a book, 101 Ways to Be a Great Mom.

… You take the holidays too seriously. Robert E. Dendy of upstate New York presented the local police station with a Christmas wreath. Since the officers were well acquainted with Dendy, they did some snooping and arrested him for stealing the wreath from a store down the block.

… You let your supply of antismoking patches run out. An Indiana state trooper stopped a car for a traffic violation. When a passenger, Honesty Knight, asked if she could smoke, the officer said yes. She proceeded, police say, to light up a joint.

… You air your neighbor’s dirty laundry. As she walked around her neighbor’s yard sale in Severn, Maryland, the woman couldn’t help admiring the items. The Oriental rug, the luggage, the shoes—they were exactly her style. And why not? They were hers, as was everything else on display. David Perticone says somebody sold him the stuff. But cops think Perticone did the deed himself.

… You can’t let go of your friends. Two New Zealand prisoners had the brilliant idea of fleeing the courthouse while tethered together by handcuffs. They might have escaped had a light pole not gotten between them. Like a pair of click-clacks, they slammed into each other and were arrested trying to get back to their feet.

… You neglect to look up local hotels on your GPS. Mitchell Deslatte walked into a Baton Rouge, Louisiana, hotel and asked the clerk for a room. Only, the clerk wasn’t a clerk—he was a state trooper. And the hotel was actually a state trooper station. That’s when Deslatte was arrested and charged with driving while intoxicated.

… You don’t know when to write off a loss. John Opperman-Green robbed a Kissimmee, Florida, 7-Eleven, then called the cops to complain when he tried to hitch a ride with strangers, who, in turn, robbed him.

… You harbor grudges. Joseph Goetz’s alleged attempt to rob a York, Pennsylvania, bank met with some snags. Cops say the first teller he tried to rob fainted and the next two insisted they had no cash in their drawers. Fed up, Goetz stormed out, threatening to write an angry letter to the bank.

… You leave a far too indelible impression. Victims of a home robbery in Riverview, Florida, easily picked out Sean Roberts from police photos. Turns out, there aren’t too many other people with a map of Florida tattooed on their face. Still, Roberts is pleading not guilty.

… You depend on the kindness of strangers. Christopher Wilson of Spokane left his name and phone number with clerks at a home-improvement store should anyone find something of his that he’d dropped, according to police. They did find something, and Wilson was arrested for possession of methamphetamines.

… Even your wardrobe turns against you. When pleading guilty to a DUI charge, let your lawyer do the talking. New Zealander Keisha Lee Kubala ignored that sensible advice and instead showed up in court wearing a T-shirt that said it all: "Miss Wasted."

``````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


Welcome to Joe's ever loving Monday Diner. fall


Time to get your weekly fix of chat and chew. happydance


We are back up in the 90s today here in Okie LaLa Homa, and for most of the rest of week as well. help


Lying weather service! mad


That's ok. I didn't actually have any plans this week for enjoying myself anyway. sherlock


Maybe I'll repaint a nuther room. rolleyes


Have a happy day everyone. rah



joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 09/11/16 10:08 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1082014
09/11/16 10:48 PM
09/11/16 10:48 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
How was the field Joe? Not plowed yet? I'll trade you my 70's for your 90's!

Have a great day all!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1082031
09/12/16 04:22 AM
09/12/16 04:22 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
fall Good Morning Joe, Ana and everyone. I had a nice Birthday yesterday. Beautiful sunny day after a stormy start! Thank you all for the Birthday wishes! Coffee and tea are ready. Enjoy your day everyone! fall


Gerry
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1082041
09/12/16 06:51 AM
09/12/16 06:51 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Super Monday. Ana, I will be happy to trade you my 90's for your 70's. Danish, Bacon Sandwiches, and BB Pancakes in the NC. fall wavegirl


Connie
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1082050
09/12/16 08:10 AM
09/12/16 08:10 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers fall

Joe, have a great day! Stay cool!

Ana, enjoy whatever plans you make today.

Gerry, I wasn't around yesterday so I'm wishing you a happy Birthday today instead. birthday

Connie, enjoy the day!

Wishing everyone a super duper Monday! lab


Gail
Re: Monday [Re: GBC] #1082060
09/12/16 08:27 AM
09/12/16 08:27 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Good morning Ana, Gerry, Connie, Gail, and everyone. wave2

I'm having my java, and planning on going out to the park soon. puppy lab

After that I need to make another trip to Walmart for groceries. yes

It's a nice cool 61 degrees this morning and I like that. It means that I don't have to leave so early in order to beat the heat. bravo

Ana I drove out there to the river and it was all green. He has the biggest area of perfectly mowed Bermuda grass that I've ever seen. yes

I wish I could get my little yard to look that nice, and he has 50 acres of it. It could be a really nice golf course. razz

Back in the corner he had excavated some very big holes, and the dirt was piled up 10 to 12 feet. I walked around those piles of dirt thinking there has to be something there, and there probably is, I just didn't find anything. smirk

I don't know if he's going to plow it all up again before March. I'll just have to keep an eye on it. smile

Have a super day everyone.


joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 09/12/16 08:29 AM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1082063
09/12/16 08:36 AM
09/12/16 08:36 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Joe, it's been hot here, too. Apparently, the weather still doesn't know it's September, but that's typical anymore. lol Glad you have a cooler morning anyway.

Hope you have a great day, Ana.

Glad you had a nice birthday, Gerry. thumbsup

Hope you get some cooler weather soon, Connie.

Have a terrific day, Gail.

I'm off again today. Thorsgoats and I may play some more Blackwell Epiphany today, and I'm going to get in some more singing practice. smile

Hope everyone has a great Monday. fall


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1082077
09/12/16 11:30 AM
09/12/16 11:30 AM
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
niteowl07 Offline
BAAG Specialist
niteowl07  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
happy monday , everyone ! happydance

nothing much going on here ,so far peaceful and quiet again.

only plans are housework ,which may be fun since my eyeglasses broke yesterday.

i'm wearing the old ones , and everything is a bit blurry. hope i don't miss

any spots dusting ! lol

have a great day , and thanks for the coffee ! wave

Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1082078
09/12/16 11:31 AM
09/12/16 11:31 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

I woke up to rain and a little cooler temps...70's, though it will be in the 90's later.

I've got bread rising, almonds soaking, dishwasher running, meat thawing, and dogs waiting to be fed as soon as I post. wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday [Re: looney4labs] #1082097
09/12/16 03:24 PM
09/12/16 03:24 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1082100
09/12/16 03:35 PM
09/12/16 03:35 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Ginger tea all made. In the course of doing so, I discovered that though the handle on my food processor broke, it still works. Chopping ginger by hand is a pain, but easy peasy in the processor.

Welcome home, Space wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1082101
09/12/16 03:49 PM
09/12/16 03:49 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Hi all. I'm just hanging here for about another half hour, then it's off to work tra la. I had to go to the Boston Pain clinic this morning. Not a pleasant ride I'm afraid. The traffic was horrible. Bumper to bumper the whole way.

Have a good rest of the day. See you after work.

Midgie hearts wavegirl


Just do it.
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1082110
09/12/16 05:21 PM
09/12/16 05:21 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Midgy, was it worth the ride? Hope work is fun! wavegirl

Edit: It's that time. Sweet dreams all sleep

Last edited by looney4labs; 09/12/16 08:53 PM.

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1082128
09/12/16 09:04 PM
09/12/16 09:04 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Monday [Re: venus] #1082133
09/12/16 09:37 PM
09/12/16 09:37 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night Venus. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1082136
09/12/16 11:05 PM
09/12/16 11:05 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
L4L, I use a grater for ginger. It works quickly.

Midgie, sorry about the traffic.

I just walked in the door. Been out hiking and climbing with Peter all day. I'm exhausted. Got home in time for bed. lol

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
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