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Monday #1082771
09/18/16 09:25 PM
09/18/16 09:25 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Train people well enough so they can leave, treat them well enough so they don’t want to.

RICHARD BRANSON

```````````````

My wife was in her gynecologist’s busy waiting room when a cell phone rang. A woman answered it, and for the next few minutes, she explained to her caller in intimate detail her symptoms and what she suspected might be wrong.

Suddenly the conversation shifted, and the woman said, "Him? That’s over." Then she added, "Can we talk about this later? It’s rather personal, and I’m in a room full of people."

`````````````````

Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet—who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.

On the way down I asked if his wife was meeting him. "I don’t know," he said. "She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."

```````````````

Doctors are used to getting calls at any hour. One night a man phoned, waking me up. "I’m sorry to bother you so late," he said, "but I think my wife has appendicitis."

Still half asleep, I reminded him that I had taken his wife’s inflamed appendix out a couple of years before. "Whoever heard of a second appendix?" I asked.

"You may not have heard of a second appendix," he replied, "but surely you’ve heard of a second wife."

````````````

Sign above the scale in a Mission Hills, Calif., doctor’s office:

"Pretend it’s your I.Q."

````````````````````

I am an oral surgeon, and once I was scheduled to extract four wisdom teeth from Jim, a high-school football player, who had opted to be sedated for the procedure. As the intravenous anesthesia was being administered, I asked Jim how he was feeling.

"Man," he replied, struggling to keep his eyes open, "I feel like I’m in English class."

````````````

I hate the idea of going under the knife. So I was very upset when the doctor told me I needed a tonsillectomy. Later, the nurse and I were filling out an admission form. I tried to respond to the questions, but I was so nervous I couldn’t speak. The nurse put down the form, took my hands in hers and said, "Don’t worry. This medical problem can easily be fixed, and it’s not a dangerous procedure."

"You’re right. I’m being silly," I said, feeling relieved. "Please continue."

"Good. Now," the nurse went on, "do you have a living will?"

```````````````````

Each new patient at the clinic where I work must fill out a questionnaire asking basic health and personal-history questions. One query that inevitably gets a "No" answer is, "Do you now use or have you ever used recreational drugs?"

We were unprepared for the response of a young newlywed who wrote: "Yes—birth-control pills."

`````````````````

Unfortunately, we humans don’t come equipped with delete buttons for our mouths. My friend and his rock band were playing a concert at the psychiatric hospital where he worked as a musical therapist. The audience was a little too quiet for his taste, so the guitarist decided to do something about it. He grabbed the microphone, pointed to the group and yelled, “Are you ready to get a little crazy?”

```````````````

At the busy dental office where I work, one patient was always late. Once when I called to confirm an appointment, he said, “I’ll be about 15 minutes late. That won’t be a problem, will it?”

“No,” I told him. “We just won’t have time to give you an anesthetic.”

He arrived early.

``````````````

I was on duty as an emergency-room technician when a father brought in his son, who had poked a tire from one of his toy trucks up his nose. The man was embarrassed, but I assured him this was something kids often do. I quickly removed the tire and they were on their way. A few minutes later, the father was back in the ER asking to talk to me in private.

Mystified, I led him to an examining room. "While we were on our way home," he began, "I was looking at that little tire and wondering, how on earth did my son get this thing stuck up his nose and…"

It took just a few seconds to get the tire out of Dad’s nose.

```````````````

As an obstetrician, I sometimes see unusual tattoos when working in labor and delivery. One patient had some type of fish tattoo on her abdomen. "That sure is a pretty whale," I commented.

With a smile she replied, "It used to be a dolphin."

```````````````````

It was an unusually hectic evening at the emergency clinic where I work. The doctor on duty was simultaneously bombarded with questions, given forms to sign, and even asked for his dinner order.

I was in the next room, cleaning up a newly sutured wound, when I realized he hadn’t given instructions for a bandage. I poked my head out the door and asked, "What kind of dressing do you want on that?"

"Ranch," he replied.

```````````````````

Ever wonder what medical personnel scribble on those clipboards attached to the foot of the bed? Here are some incredible comments taken from hospital charts:

"The patient refused autopsy."

"The patient has no previous history of suicides."

"She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night."

"She is numb from her toes down."

"Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities."

"Discharge status: Alive but without my permission."

`````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


Another weekend has come and gone. cry


Actually I did more this last weekend than in the last week. yes


My house is blinded now. snicker


See what I did there? haha


I kill me. rolleyes


I'd better go lay down. lol


Have a happy day everyone. urock


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1082782
09/18/16 10:59 PM
09/18/16 10:59 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
rotfl Joe. Now you can run around the house in your birthday suit!

Have a happy day everyone! Not sure what today will bring. The weekend was very busy so I'm looking forward to a relaxing day.

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1082801
09/19/16 05:28 AM
09/19/16 05:28 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
fall Good Morning Joe, Ana and all. Coffee and tea are ready. Enjoy your day! fall


Gerry
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1082812
09/19/16 06:50 AM
09/19/16 06:50 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful Monday. I'm waiting patiently for Fall. That should be about another month here if we are lucky. Danish, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC. fall


Connie
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1082814
09/19/16 06:56 AM
09/19/16 06:56 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers lab

Joe, enjoy the day!

Ana, have fun with whatever the day brings.

Gerry, I'm in desperate need of coffee.

Connie, hope Fall comes around quickly for you.

No plans for the day. Looks like a good gaming day ahead! Wishing everyone a wonderful day! fall


Gail
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1082820
09/19/16 07:53 AM
09/19/16 07:53 AM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Good morning. I'm enjoying the morning off. A rare occasion. I hope you all have a great day. Thanks Connie for my BB pancakes. Mmm, yum.

Midgie hearts wavegirl


Just do it.
Re: Monday [Re: Midge] #1082824
09/19/16 08:54 AM
09/19/16 08:54 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Good Monday morning everybody. wave2

Connie I'm waiting too, but not very patiently. Thursday is the first day of Fall and we're going to be 97 degrees here. shocked

Nope.....don't believe in global warming. blech

Ana I have no problem with that. It's just that the old birthday suit is kinda worn and frazzled...........and shrinking. scared

Gail I have no real plans for doing anything today either, but I really need to get out and mow the yard soon. yes

I'm taking the dogs to the park here in a few minutes. yay

Midgie enjoy your BB pancakes, and your morning off. flowers

Thanks for the coffee Gerry. Hope your day is a super one. woot

Have a great day everyone.

joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1082835
09/19/16 09:58 AM
09/19/16 09:58 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Joe, does not believing in global warming make the weather cooler when it's supposed to be? If, so, I'll join you. grin Have fun at the park. rah

Enjoy your nice, relaxing day, Ana. thumbsup

Have a great day, Gerry.

Connie, I'm also waiting for the fall. I like summer weather in the summer, but when it's supposed to be fall, I want the weather to act accordingly. lol Hope it changes soon for you.

Have a fun gaming day, Gail. happydance

Enjoy your rare morning off, Midge. thumbsup

I'm off again today. It's dark and cloudy, so I think I'm also going to make it a gaming day. grin

Have a great Monday, everyone. fall


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1082845
09/19/16 11:32 AM
09/19/16 11:32 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
On the late news last night, the weather gal gave an 'alert' for thunderstorms, fog, etc. The map showed massive storms here (where we usually don't have much stuff) and all across the nation. Well, as usual, I figured she was wrong wrong wrong. Surpise! I was wrong. After a clear and cloudless night, I was awakened at 2:45 am by a huge thunderclap. Oh my! Scared me right awake and then rain and more thunder and lightening for a few hours. Not much rain, but enough. I just can't believe that we actually had thunder and lightening. Awesome. Probably scared the Outdoorsies but they have places to go when the weather is bad. Lots of shelter (rain proof) and cozy beds for them to cuddle up in.

This morning, all is nicely wet, and the Outdoorsies all came for breakfast as if nothing happened. Life goes on.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1082846
09/19/16 11:35 AM
09/19/16 11:35 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Ahhhhh, finally home!!! We had our WI Moose Annual Conference in Fond Du Lac and celebrated our 100th year!!! Was loads of fun but good to be home. Sassy was really happy I was home too!! lol

Joe thanks for the laughs!!

Ana, yes Fall is here. You feel it in the air and the leaves are turning color. Glad you had a full and fun weekend!

Gerry thanks for the coffee!

Connie hope Outlaw is doing well! Thanks for the Danish!

Gail happy gaming!! Enjoy your walk!

Midge enjoy the morning and may work be fun!

venus hope the cooler weather makes it there soon for you!!

May you all have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1082847
09/19/16 11:46 AM
09/19/16 11:46 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

Busy day planned. I thought I would be cooking books all day, but discovered this morning that I need to make yogurt and bread. So I'll do a little book cooking and a little bread baking.

Joe, congrats on the blinding. What's next on the list? Have fun at the park.

Ana, hope you get to relax.

Thanks for the coffee, Gerry.

Connie, we are having an extended summer here too. How's the pool?

Gail, play happy.

Midgy, so glad you are off. Enjoy.

Venus, gaming is just perfect for rainy weather. Enjoy.

It does indeed, Sorta. All quiet on the neighbor/tenant front?

Nan, who had Sassy while you were gone?


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday [Re: looney4labs] #1082879
09/19/16 05:50 PM
09/19/16 05:50 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1082892
09/19/16 07:25 PM
09/19/16 07:25 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Afternoon, Space, welcome home. wave

Edit: Ok, it's that time. Sweet dreams all sleep

Last edited by looney4labs; 09/19/16 08:59 PM.

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1082907
09/19/16 09:23 PM
09/19/16 09:23 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Well, I'm off to sleep. Really early work day tomorrow. Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1082913
09/19/16 09:54 PM
09/19/16 09:54 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Saying good night all. I have a split shift tomorrow. Another busy day. Have a good night all.

Midgie hearts wavegirl


Just do it.
Re: Monday [Re: Midge] #1082918
09/19/16 10:10 PM
09/19/16 10:10 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night Boomers. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
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