The secret of happiness is to make others believe they are the cause of it.
Al Batt
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As a high-school football coach, I’m aware that student athletes tend to focus too much on sports. A fellow coach, Bob, was talking about one such player, who called him at home one night. When his wife informed the kid that Bob wasn’t home, he became frantic and said he had to speak to the coach right away.
"Just calm down, and I’ll have him call you as soon as he gets home," the coach’s wife told him. "What’s your number?"
The flustered kid replied, "Twenty Three."
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I was sitting behind an enthusiastic mom at my son’s Little League game. Her boy was pitching for the opposing team and she cheered as he threw wild pitch after wild pitch. The poor kid walked every batter. It was only the first inning and the score was 14–0. Then one batter finally smacked the ball.
"Oh no," the mom wailed. "There goes his no-hitter."
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Our high school has lots of spirit, but that didn’t help the football team, who had yet to win a game. So when our principal saw some cheerleaders sitting in the stands, he asked, "Don’t you think you girls should be down there cheering for your team?"
"I think," one of them said, "we should be down there playing for our team."
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Halfway through dinner one night, our friend Jim told us of his days playing football in college as a defensive lineman.
"Did you play sports in college, Mike?" his wife then asked me.
"Yes," I answered.
"I was on West Point’s shooting team."
"That’s great," she said, appropriately impressed. "Offense or defense?"
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Football finally makes sense. A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin. One team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!’ I’m like, Hello-o-o? It’s only 25 cents!"
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Football players at the high school where I worked were stealing the practice jerseys, so the coach ordered a set with “Property of Central High School” emblazoned on them. When the thefts continued, he ordered a new batch that had the imprint “Stolen from Central High School.” But the jerseys still kept disappearing. The larceny finally stopped after he changed the wording to “Central High School 4th String.”
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When the patient was wheeled into the emergency room, I could tell he was out of it. I asked if he knew the date. He didn’t.
"Do you know what season it is?"
He thought a moment. "Baseball?"
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Looking down the stairs at a football game, a fan spots an open seat on the 50-yard line. He asks the man sitting next to it if the seat is taken.
"No," he replies. "I used to take my wife to all the games, but ever since she passed away, I’ve gone alone."
"Why don’t you invite a friend?"
"They’re all at the funeral."
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Fred comes home from his usual Saturday golf game. "What a terrible day," he tells his wife. "Harry dropped dead on the tenth tee."
"Oh, that’s awful!" she says.
"You’re not kidding," says Fred. "For the whole back nine, it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry …"
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I was sprawled on the living-room couch watching my favorite show on the Food Network when my husband walked in.
"Why do you watch those food shows?" he asked. "You don’t even cook."
Glaring back at him, I asked, "Then why do you watch football?"
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One of the players on our junior high football team never saw action in a game. But my brother, the assistant coach, liked the kid and always gave him pep talks.
"Remember, Ben," he told him, "everyone on this team has an important role. There is no I in team."
"True," said the boy. "But there is a Ben in bench.
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While I was working security at a football game, a fan spilled beer on a cheerleader’s pop-poms. As a favor, I rinsed them off in the men’s room. As I shook off the water, someone came out of a stall. Stunned, he announced, "That’s the first time anyone’s cheered me on while going to the bathroom."
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Good morning everyboomie.
We had another 99 degree day with a 103 heat index.
I need a 70 degree day with a cold index of 65.
I went and got another gallon of paint today for the kitchen and laundry room, but after putting on one section under the cabinets I decided real fast that I didn't like it and need something darker in the kitchen with the white cabinets.
Then I painted one wall in the laundry room, and didn't like that very much either until I went back and painted the baseboard, window, and door trim to the original brown wall color instead of white. That doesn't look so bad. Not sure yet if I'll paint the rest of the laundry room that color though.
More to come.
I hope everyone has a super day.
joe
acebook
witter
I had to get up for work at 3 am yesterday, which may have something to do with it. I'm off today, so that means longer practicing plus more gaming. 
But first, I'm going back to sleep. 
Ana enjoy your day. 
Venus have a great day off with the kitties too. 
Coffee and tea are ready. 
Of course I do have some artistic leeway on the paint. I make the walls flat white, and the cabinets and bath and kitchen semi-gloss white. BIG difference. 
I do love what you are doing with your place though. Very nice. Colorful, great look! Me, I'll stick to white.
