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TGIF #1083275
09/22/16 10:24 PM
09/22/16 10:24 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.

Sam Keen

``````````````````````

A judge tells the defendant, “You’re charged with attacking your boss with a hammer.”

“You jerk!” yells a voice from 
the back of the courtroom.

“You’re also charged with attacking a bartender with a hammer,” 
says the judge.

“Jerrrrkkkk!” bellows the same man.

“Sir,” says the judge, “one more outburst, and I’ll charge you with contempt.”

“I’m sorry, Your Honor,” says the man. “But I’ve been this jerk’s neighbor for ten years, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn’t have one.”


Too cheap to buy a hammer of his own in 10 years? What a great neighbor! rolleyes

```````````````

New and Improved Names 
for Boring Everyday Things
• Couch = People Shelf

• Books = Manual Films

• Bracelets = Clockless Watches

• Air Horn = Spray Scream

• Bottled Water = Snowman Blood

• Feather = Bird Leaf


Shorts = Sleeveless pants grin

````````````````

A scientist tells a pharmacist, “Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid.”

“Do you mean aspirin?” asks the pharmacist.

The scientist slaps his forehead. “That’s it!” he says. “I can never 
remember the name.”


Try association............works for me. thumbsup

``````````````

“Has your son decided what 
he wants to be when he grows up?” 
I asked my friend.

“He wants to be a garbageman,” 
he replied.

“That’s an unusual ambition to have at such a young age.”

“Not really. He thinks that garbagemen work only on Tuesdays.”


If I were him I'd shoot for Santa's job.

````````````````````

My friend called me in hysterics. “I just saw a mouse in my kitchen!” she yelled. “I’m so grossed out! It’s 
so disgusting!”

“What are you going to do?” 
I asked.

“I’m not sure. But you can bet I’ll never eat the stuff I drop on the floor anymore.”

````````````````

Try as she might, our granddaughter couldn’t grasp the concept of potty training. Then one day … Success! Jumping up and down, 
she threw her arms in the air 
and yelled in excitement, “I went potty all by myself, and now I can 
go to Harvard!”

`````````````````

#IGotBusted

Jimmy Fallon asked his viewers to tweet #IGotBusted and share 
the most embarrassing times they got caught.

“I was on Facebook at work, and my boss walked up. I slammed down what I thought was my laptop screen, but it was actually my desktop 
monitor.”

“I lied and told my dad school 
was canceled. He said, ‘Let’s go see 
a movie.’ We got in the car, and he dropped me off at school.”

“I was Facebooking in church, and the usher passed by and whispered, ‘You better be texting Jesus.’”

``````````````````

The biggest change after having kids was putting a swear jar in the house. Whenever I say a bad word, 
I have to put a dollar in the jar, and 
at the end of every month, I take all that money and buy myself a nice steak for being such a cool dad.


Wow! If I did that I could buy Argentina. blush

``````````````````

I spotted several pairs of men’s Levi’s at a garage sale. They were sizes 30, 31, and 32, but I was looking for size 33. So I asked the owner if he had a pair. He shook his head.

“I’m still wearing the 33s,” he said. “Come back next year.”

`````````````````

Paula Poundstone on Over-Sharing
We need a 12-step group for compulsive talkers. They could call it On Anon Anon.

`````````````

My ESL students try so hard and are so appreciative. One student paid me the ultimate compliment when she said, “You teach English good.” Another assured me, “I will always forget you.” And a third insisted, “I thank you from the heart of my bottom.”


I will dismember you forever. cool

`````````````````

An ad for a hedge clipper that 
I had to read twice: “A built-in safety switch prevents accidental starting, and blades will stop when you take one hand off.”

`````````````````````

I’d rather spend ten minutes 
rearranging the dishwasher to 
accommodate something than spend 30 seconds washing it by hand.


Is that what a dishwasher is for? shocked

I thought it was a dish DRAINER.

`````````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


Painter joe here.


I went and bought another gallon today to paint my kitchen, but when I started painting, I wasn't impressed with the color. It was a light olive color. I took it back to Lowe's, and got a different color, and when I tried it I liked it even less than the first, so tomorrow I'll be heading back to Lowe's for another try at it.

They say if you don't love the color you can change it, but they may get tired of seeing me walking through the door. lol


Have a happy day everyone.


joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 09/23/16 08:37 AM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1083276
09/22/16 10:29 PM
09/22/16 10:29 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hope you find the right color this time, Joe. grin

It's Thursday night here, and I'm off to sleep. Work and then a voice lesson tomorrow. smile

Have a great Friday, everyone. fall


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1083280
09/22/16 11:22 PM
09/22/16 11:22 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
lol You crack me up Joe. I have never returned paint. I didn't think you could! 3rd times the charm!

Venus, have a great voice lesson.

Happy Friday all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1083300
09/23/16 05:26 AM
09/23/16 05:26 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
fall Good Morning Joe, venus, Ana and all. Joe I didn't know you could exchange paint either! Venus good luck with the voice lesson. Ana have a great day. Coffee and tea are ready. Wishing you all a great day! fall


Gerry
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1083310
09/23/16 07:03 AM
09/23/16 07:03 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Super TGIF. Dinner and karaoke at the VFW tonight. Danish, French Toast, and BB Pancakes in the NC. fall


Connie
Re: TGIF [Re: connie] #1083321
09/23/16 08:30 AM
09/23/16 08:30 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Good morning Venus, Ana, Gerry, Connie, and all Boomers. wave2

I've been up since 6:00, having my coffee and watching the zombie apocalypse on the telly. It's so entertaining. taz

I've gotta get around pretty soon and take the pups to the park, and then to Lowe's. happydance

Yesterday I took my dogs into Lowe's with me. They were quite the hit. yes

Great chick magnets. puppy

Ana I've never returned paint before either. I kept the first gallon that I bought for the kitchen and didn't like, and used it in the laundry room. Valspar guarantees that if you don't love your color, they'll replace it so........... grin

They love seeing me come in anyway. They hope I'll get nostalgic and come back to work. snicker

I have to admit I got pretty nostalgic yesterday watching them put up Christmas displays. lol

Have a super day everyone.


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1083322
09/23/16 08:55 AM
09/23/16 08:55 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers fall

Joe, good luck in finding the right color paint. I found that it always looks different on the wall than in the can even when you think you have the perfect mix.

Ana, have a good day!

Venus, enjoy working and singing.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee.

Connie, enjoy the dinner and the entertainment tonight.

A relaxing day today. Probably do some baking and some gaming. Wishing everyone a good day! joy2


Gail
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1083341
09/23/16 11:32 AM
09/23/16 11:32 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Happy Painting Joe! If I had to paint my house, I'd have to MOVE. There are so many 'things' in here I can't find the walls. Not kidding.

As for me NOT hunting for the newest feral kitty brood. Well, again, I stumbled right into Mini-Me's kittens. First litter was a disaster so I am trying to avoid seeing, hearing, etc. So after avoiding the 'hiding place' near the driveway where I accidently spotted 2 of them 2 weeks back, I was on my front porch and heard a loud meowing from right under me. Sigh. Had to peek over the edge and saw an lovely white and black fat kitten wandering around the opening to under the house. He was crying the whole time and with all the birds of prey around and other feral things, I had to go see if his mom was nearby. Nope. She was out back stuffing her face. I was heading off to lunch and just couldn't spare any time to guard the little one. So I walked closer and saw he was trying to go 'down' into the cement surround to get back under the house. He was having no luck. Happily, ANOTHER little one crawled out just then, meowing softly and I grabbed mr. wanderer by the scruff of his neck (he didn't even try to run!) and dumped him on top of his sibling. Then both of them happily wandered back under the house. Whew! Disaster avoided for one moment. Hopefully they will STAY under the house and not in the open. The wanderer is adorable with mostly white and a lot of black spots and circles all over. The other one is an exact duplicate of Mini-Me, the mom. I'm calling him/her Mini-Mini-Me. So cute. Maybe one of them or both will survive this time and I can grab all of them and have them spayed/neutered. I actually TOUCHED mom's head today while she ate breakfast. Ohhhh! First touch and she didn't run, but she sure wanted to. I will keep up the touching until I can grab her. Might take months or years, but I will prevail. She's also wandering closer to my feet when I come out with the morning food. It's a good sign.

Off to dry hair and enjoy our Santa Ana weather for the weekend. First rain, then hot and dry. Gotta love it. I'm predicting an earthquake. Always happens when we have this wet/dry weather pattern. Crossing fingers we don't.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1083346
09/23/16 12:37 PM
09/23/16 12:37 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Fantastic Friday ya'll puppy

Today will be " a little of this" and " bit of that" followed by a "dip into the other" kind of day.

Joe, keep 'em on their toes! I hope you find one you like.

Venus, hope the lesson is fantastic.

Ana, me neither. I always buy tons of little samples and paint swatches all over the wall trying to make the final decision.

Gerry wavegirl

Have fun at karaoke, Connie.

Gail, whatcha baking?

luck Sorta


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1083347
09/23/16 12:37 PM
09/23/16 12:37 PM
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
niteowl07 Offline
BAAG Specialist
niteowl07  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
morning , everyone !

joe - the laundry room looks very classy - nice colors !

well , i got the repaired eyeglasses , so now i can see to type.

unfortunately , i can also see i need to dust lol

i also need to make my bed , but there's a large furry thing tunneling

around under the covers complaining , so i guess that will have to wait crazy

have a wonderful day , and i'll see you all later ! wave

Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1083357
09/23/16 02:10 PM
09/23/16 02:10 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Va. son has to say goodbye to his dog, Chakka. He is 13 and it's time, but it's the first time for them as a family.

My heart is breaking, as is theirs.


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1083367
09/23/16 02:38 PM
09/23/16 02:38 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Warm sympathy thoughts to your son and family, L4L. It's always hard to say goodbye. I'm still, a long 36 years later, mourning my FIRST pet cat. Somehow it's the first that's the hardest. Hugs to all.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1083370
09/23/16 03:14 PM
09/23/16 03:14 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Yea, Sorta, it never gets easier, does it? And the hurt, while it gets covered over, can have the scab ripped off and come rushing back. This is the part of fur babies that is horrible.


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGIF [Re: looney4labs] #1083376
09/23/16 03:41 PM
09/23/16 03:41 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Welcome to the weekend Boomers. happydance


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1083378
09/23/16 03:51 PM
09/23/16 03:51 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Same to you SpaceQ!

L4L, so sorry to hear about Chakka. I really wish they could stay with us longer.

niteowl, I wait for Merlin to get up before I make my bed too. lol

Sorta, is there a local place you can take the ferals for spaying or neutering free?

Gail, what are you baking?

Joe, dogs and babies are indeed a great chick magnet! rotfl

Connie, have fun at karaoke!

Gerry, are the fall colors starting to come out by you?

Went and got my hair cut this afternoon. 6 inches shorter. shocked I feel naked even though it is still shoulder length.

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1083379
09/23/16 03:57 PM
09/23/16 03:57 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Ana, I've never asked you this before....How did you get the name Sassy Global Moderator? Just asking.

Midgie hearts wavegirl


Just do it.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1083380
09/23/16 04:12 PM
09/23/16 04:12 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Our dear friend Texaslady Sue, me and MaG's came up with it one day. We had to pick titles and we were always getting in trouble together so she became the mischievous one and me the sassy one.


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1083407
09/23/16 08:53 PM
09/23/16 08:53 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
It's that time. Sweet dreams all sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1083414
09/23/16 09:49 PM
09/23/16 09:49 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
urock woot hamster dance rotfl Thanks Buddy. I was always wondering that.


Just do it.
Re: TGIF [Re: Midge] #1083439
09/24/16 01:32 AM
09/24/16 01:32 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night Boomers. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1083440
09/24/16 02:46 AM
09/24/16 02:46 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
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