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Happy Hump Day #1083921
09/27/16 09:50 PM
09/27/16 09:50 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
OSCAR WILDE

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing.

````````````````


Conversation at our business lunch turned to illegal immigration. “I read an article that said 60 percent of Americans are immigrants,” commented one of my colleagues. “That can’t be true,” another said.

“No,” agreed a Native American co-worker. “There’s a lot more of you than that.”

```````````````````

The pastor asks his flock, “What would you like people to say when you’re in your casket?”

One congregant says, “I’d like them to say I was a fine family man.”

Another says, “I’d like them to say I helped people.”

The third responds, “I’d like them to say, ‘Look! He’s moving!’ “

````````````````````

While filling up at a gas station, I accidentally spilled gasoline on my shirt. When I went inside to pay, I noticed a woman crinkling her nose. Embarrassed, I tried to put her mind at ease. “If you smell gas,” I said, “it’s me.”

`````````````

Three guys are talking about what constitutes fame. The first guy defines it as being invited to the White House for a chat with the president.

“Nah,” says the second guy. “Real fame would be if the red phone rang when you were there, and the president wouldn’t take the call.”

“You’re both wrong,” says the third. “Fame is when you’re in the Oval Office and the red phone rings, the president answers it, listens for a second, and then says, “‘It’s for you.'”


And you say, "Hi Honey, I'll be home soon." snicker

````````````````

My mother asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party. That’s when I realized he was her favorite twin.

`````````````````

On his way to perform at a graveside service, the bagpiper gets lost. After many wrong turns, he finally arrives, but the minister and mourners have already gone. Only the grave diggers remain, and they’re eating lunch. Not knowing what else to do, the bagpiper begins to play.

The workers put down their lunches and weep as the man plays “Amazing Grace.” When he finishes, he packs up his bagpipes and heads for his car. As he opens the door, he hears one of the workers say, “I’ve never seen anything like that before, and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for 20 years.”


Boy that stinks! razz

`````````````````

The Week asked its readers to come up with the name of a French fast-food restaurant:

•Brief Bourguignonne
•Kentucky Fried Chic
•Tore de Pants
•Fatatouille
•Fryer Jacques
•Have It Eur Way
•Chomps Élysées

```````````````

Are you a redneck? Want to be one? Take the Redneck IQ test and see how well you fare. Don’t look for answers. If you need them, you’re no redneck.

1) Which of these cars will rust out quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
’65 Ford Fairlane
’69 Chevrolet Chevelle
’64 Pontiac GTO

2) Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a ten-pound possum.

3) A woodcutter has a chain saw, which operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. Here’s the question: How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?

4) If your uncle builds a still that produces 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?


My neighbors would ace that test.................all of them. woot

````````````````

Canada wants us to remember that it, too, is part of North America. So The Week asked its readers to come up with an eye-catching slogan for our neighbor to the north.

Canada: Where Your Cold Front Begins
Canada: It’s Not Just for Draft Dodgers Anymore
Canada: Land of Cheaper Drugs
Canada: Where Winter Spends the Summer

``````````````

After J. K. Rowling announced that she might write a Harry Potter sequel—he was last seen as a married dad—The Week asked its readers to predict the title of the next book. Here’s what they divined:

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fiber
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Ask-Your-Mom
Harry Potter and the Financial Portfolio of Doom
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Kidney Stone
Harry Potter and the Quest to Buy a House in the Hogwarts School District
Harry Potter and the Quidditch Mom

`````````````````

The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest celebrates purposely awful opening sentences to imaginary novels. Here are the “best” from the past year.

As Holmes, who had a nose for danger, quietly fingered the bloody knife and eyed the various body parts strewn along the dark, deserted highway, he placed his ear to the ground and, with his heart in his throat, silently mouthed to his companion, “Arm yourself, Watson, there is an evil hand a foot ahead.”
–Dennis Pearce

Through the verdant plains of North Umbria walked Waylon Ogglethorpe, and, as he walked, the clouds whispered his name, the birds of the air sang his praises, and the beasts of the fields from smallest to greatest said, “There goes the most noble among men”—in other words, a typical stroll for a schizophrenic ventriloquist with delusions of grandeur. –Tom Wallace

`````````````````

Sarah, the self-appointed arbiter of the town’s morals, stuck her nose into everyone’s business. She made a mistake, however, when she accused her neighbor George of being an alcoholic after spotting his pickup parked in front of a bar one afternoon.

“George, everyone who sees it there will know what you’re doing,” she told him in front of their church group.

George ignored her and walked away. Later that evening, he parked his pickup in front of Sarah’s house and left it there all night.

````````````````````

If truth-in-advertising laws governed your tattoos, here’s what the ink would actually say:

Still in my rebellious rite-of-passage phase.

I anticipate always feeling as whimsical as I was when I chose this.

Thinking-ahead deficient.

Personal names on my body are not necessarily indicative of my relationship with that person when you read this.

I regretted this one almost immediately.

It may be wrong to assume that I know what this symbol represents.

Actively taking a role in reducing the number of potential places that might employ me.

```````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


Welcome to Joe's Off the Cobb Diner. hamster


Very little to add to what's already posted. duh


The corn is planted. I'm just here to fertilize it.


Have a happy day everyone. yes


joe


Last edited by gymcandy1; 09/27/16 09:56 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1083926
09/27/16 10:18 PM
09/27/16 10:18 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Have a fantastic Wednesday Joe and everyone. wave

It's Tuesday night here, and I'm off to sleep for yet another work day. Then when I get home, more of King's Quest episode 4 will be waiting for me. happydance

Hope everyone has a great day. fall


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1083927
09/27/16 10:27 PM
09/27/16 10:27 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
lol Thanks for the chuckles Joe!

Venus, have fun gaming!

Off to see Peter downtown today. He wants a hand organizing a few rooms in his place.

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave

Last edited by BrownEyedTigre; 09/27/16 10:27 PM.

Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1083939
09/28/16 03:23 AM
09/28/16 03:23 AM
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 2,256
Phoenix, AZ USA
luv2travel Offline
Addicted Boomer
luv2travel  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 2,256
Phoenix, AZ USA
Hi my dear Boomies!

Hope your day is beautiful!
Yesterday here at home, before dinner, I went out to get my mail. On the way back inside I tripped and fell just inside my front door and broke my left wrist redface . My friend took me to the emergency room nearby and waited all evening with me while they X-rayed my wrist and put on a temporary cast.
I am hoping to get to an orthopedic Dr tomorrow, Wednesday, for a regular cast, and to find out if I need surgery. (Hope not!) Please keep me in your thoughts. I've taken a pain pill and am on my way to bed.
Good night! Have a good Wednesday!
Andrea wave2

Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1083947
09/28/16 05:59 AM
09/28/16 05:59 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
fall Good Morning Joe, venus, Ana, Andrea and all. Andrea hope you get an appt with orthopedic doc today! Sending hugs and prayers! Coffee and tea are ready. Wishing you all a peaceful day. fall


Gerry
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1083954
09/28/16 07:15 AM
09/28/16 07:15 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful Hump Day. Hugs and Prayers Andrea. Danish, BB Pancakes, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. fall


Connie
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1083961
09/28/16 07:49 AM
09/28/16 07:49 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers lab

Joe, have a great day!

Ana, enjoy your day with Peter.

Venus, have fun gaming when you get home.

Andrea, good luck with the wrist.

Gerry, coffee please and thank you.

Connie, love Danish but feel like blueberry pancakes this morning.

Still rainy and dreary weather here today. blech Good gaming day though. joy


Gail
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1083977
09/28/16 10:27 AM
09/28/16 10:27 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe thanks for the laughs and have a lovely day!

venus may work be fun and you have a lovely day! Happy gaming!!

Ana have fun with the organizing!! Have a lovely day!

Andrea sending HUGS and prayers!!!

Gerry thanks for the hot coffee and have a lovely day!

Connie thanks for the Danish and have a lovely day!

Gail hope the rain goes and the sun shines soon. After about a week without sunshine it has finally appeared overhead!!!! Still in the 50's though! Have fun gaming!!

wave
Nan

Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1083985
09/28/16 11:16 AM
09/28/16 11:16 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Andrea! I feel your pain. Ohhhhh! So sorry you have an ouchie. Hope it all goes well with the doctors and that the pain goes away fast. hearts


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: Sorta Blonde] #1083993
09/28/16 12:38 PM
09/28/16 12:38 PM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope you have an easy peasy Happy Hump Day!

Andrea, so sorry to hear about your wrist! Prayers going up for quick healing. hearts

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

A little cooler here today. Nice!

Alrighty, off to see what's afoot!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1084007
09/28/16 02:40 PM
09/28/16 02:40 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Wonderful Wednesday ya'll puppy

I started the morning bright and early at the dentist eek

Now home and feeling the effects of the early morning, the gas, the pain, and the pain killers. Time to sit and recover for a bit.

Happy organizing, Ana wave

Andrea, hugs, hugs, and more hugs.

I feel a nap calling.

wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: looney4labs] #1084011
09/28/16 03:20 PM
09/28/16 03:20 PM
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 2,256
Phoenix, AZ USA
luv2travel Offline
Addicted Boomer
luv2travel  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 2,256
Phoenix, AZ USA
thanks all!
L4L, I'm sorry about all the problems and heartaches with your family's pets.
I can't see the Dr. until Friday. It should be OK. rolleyes
Andrea wave2

Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: luv2travel] #1084012
09/28/16 03:34 PM
09/28/16 03:34 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1084020
09/28/16 05:13 PM
09/28/16 05:13 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Good evening all. Andrea I hope you're feeling better tomorrow. Been there, done that. This is my only day off. I'm feeling rested now. I did a lot of cleaning today. My apartment looks a lot better. I'll finish the job tomorrow. I have to bring my car in for an oil change. It really needs it. L4L have a relaxing nap. Hopefully you'll feel better when you wake up.

Midgie hearts wavegirl


Just do it.
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: Midge] #1084025
09/28/16 08:11 PM
09/28/16 08:11 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Goodnight Boomers. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1084029
09/28/16 08:48 PM
09/28/16 08:48 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Andrea, so sorry about your wrist. Is this the same one you broke on your cruise?

Busy day but had lots of fun cleaning, cooking and rearranging at sons. Chores seem to go better when there are two and you can laugh and joke your way through.

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1084031
09/28/16 08:59 PM
09/28/16 08:59 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Made home made fries for the first time in a long time...fun and yummy. Now time for bed. Sweet dreams all sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1084032
09/28/16 09:04 PM
09/28/16 09:04 PM
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 2,256
Phoenix, AZ USA
luv2travel Offline
Addicted Boomer
luv2travel  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 2,256
Phoenix, AZ USA
No Ana, That was the right one. Now I've done them both.... lol

Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1084033
09/28/16 09:14 PM
09/28/16 09:14 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Night all. See you tomorrow. Sleep well.

Midgie hearts wavegirl


Just do it.
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1084052
09/29/16 02:04 AM
09/29/16 02:04 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
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