As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words but to live by them.
JOHN F. KENNEDY
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My wife was in labor with our first child when suddenly she began to shout, “Shouldn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t, didn’t, can’t!”
“Doctor, what’s wrong with my wife?” I asked.
“Nothing,” he said. “She’s just having contractions.”
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Poodle: “My life is a mess. My owner is mean, my girlfriend is leaving me for a German shepherd, and I’m nervous as a cat.”
Collie: “Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?”
Poodle: “I can’t. I’m not allowed on the couch.”
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A man says to a friend, “My wife is on a three-week diet.”
“Oh, yeah? How much has she lost so far?” asks his pal.
He replies, “Two weeks.”
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My cousin always “borrows” money from her older brother’s piggy bank, which drives him crazy. One day, she found the piggy in, of all places, the freezer. Inside was this note: “Dear sister, I hope you’ll understand, but my capital has been frozen.”
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An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
“Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night,” he says.
“Have you tried counting sheep?” asks the doctor.
“That’s the problem. I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.”
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A fortune-teller advised me, “Do everything your boss says.” Sage advice, I thought, as I was working on an important project. As if I needed more proof of just how good the psychic was, that night, as I read the newspaper, I noticed my horoscope: “Do everything your boss says.”
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About a month before my grandfather died, my grandmother covered his back with lard. After that, he went downhill very quickly.
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Every ten years, the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence to speak two words. Ten years go by and it’s one monk’s first chance. He thinks for a second before saying, “Food bad.” Ten years later, he says, “Bed hard.” A decade later, it’s the big day. He gives the head monk a long stare and says, “I quit.”
“I’m not surprised,” the head monk says. “You’ve done nothing but complain ever since you got here.”
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Two cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal turns to the other and asks, “This taste funny to you?”
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Algebra teacher: “What is seven Q plus three Q?”
Student: “Ten Q.”
Teacher: “You’re welcome.”
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Eight fellow accountants and I got into the elevator at work, never stopping our discussions about an upcoming meeting. After a minute, a voice from the back interrupted us.
“So,” a man said, “how many accountants does it take to press the elevator button?”
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My first day on the job at an IKEA store, I was told by my boss that employees needed to go to the meeting room before every shift.
I asked why. He said, “Assembly required.”
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Here’s the news: A Rhode Island man was arrested for passing a counterfeit $100 bill. What gave him away? Lincoln’s face: It’s supposed to be on the $5 bill.
Source: Sun Chronicle (Attleboro, Massachusetts)
Here’s the laugh: A counterfeiter drives to a small town, enters a store, and hands the rube behind the counter an $18 bill. “Mind making change?” he asks.
“Sure,” says the clerk. “Ya want two nines or three sixes?”
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Q: What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
A: It’s Christmas, Eve!
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What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?
Gee, I’ll never part with it!
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Q: What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with an iPad?
A: A pineapple.
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Q: Why does Santa have three garden plots up at the North Pole?
A: That way he can hoe, hoe, hoe!
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Did you hear that Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer never went to school?
That’s right—he was elf taught.
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Q: Why are Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen always wet?
A: Because they are rain deer.
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I’m reading a great book about antigravity—I just can’t put it down.
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Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the weekend!
I hope you're all looking to have a great one.
I'm really tired and ready for bed. I didn't do that much today, but I'm tired all the same.
Do y'all ever get that Déjà vu feeling?
Ya me too.
I wake up with it every morning and it last all day.
You guys probably get it every time you read my post.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Joe and MaG! 10Q both! 
Hope you have a nicer day today.
Thorsgoats!
Maybe when I get back, I can find a game to play. 
