My early choice in life was either to be a piano player in a whorehouse or a politician. And to tell the truth, there’s hardly any difference.
HARRY S. TRUMAN
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Q: What did Al Gore play on his guitar?
A: An Algorithm
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Q: Did you hear the one about the statistician?
A: Probably.
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Q: What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A: A roamin’ numeral.
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With the Ark settled safely after the flood, Noah opens the doors and commands the animals, “Go forth and multiply!” All the animals depart the Ark, except for two snakes in the back. Noah proclaims again, “Go forth and multiply,” yet the snakes stay put. Perturbed, Noah finally asks them, “Why have you not followed my command?” The snakes flicker their tongues and answer, “We can’t multiply, Noah—we’re Adders.”
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I put my root beer in a square glass. Now it’s just beer.
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Q: Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
A: He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
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Q: Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
A: If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
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Professors Define a Kiss
In math: Two divided by nothing.
In physics: The contraction of the mouth due to the expansion of the heart.
In accounting: It’s a credit, because it is profitable when returned.
In economics: A thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.
In dentistry: It’s infectious and antiseptic.
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Q: What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
A: Not sure, but the flag is a big plus.
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Some musings, and advice, about the grace of growing............older.
1. My goal for 2016 was to lose just 10 pounds. Only 15 to go.
2. I ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. FINE, it was a pizza. I ate a pizza for dinner.
3. How to prepare Tofu:
a. Throw it in the trash
b. Grill some meat
4. I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.
5. I don't mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food in 3 hours and 20 minutes.
6. A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
7. Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.
8. Senility has been a smooth transition for me.
9. Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero out they closed school? Me neither.
10. I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented. I forgot where I was going with this.
11. I love being over 60. I learn something new every day and forget 5 others.
12. A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money so I woke up and searched with him.
13. I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
14. November 6, 2016 will be the end of Daylight Savings Time. Hope you don't forget to set your bathroom scale back 10 pounds on Saturday night.
15. Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
Thanks Ana!....
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Good Monday morning everyboomie.
Welcome to a new week.
I don't have much going on this whole week. We're back in the upper 80s all week until Friday where it's showing to hit only 71 degrees.
That means really nice mornings starting out in the 60s, and then much warmer afternoons.
At least the walks with the dogs will be great.
I need to post this and give my boys a call. I haven't talked to them in a while. Did I tell you Josh moved from Portland to San Antonio?
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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Good Morning Joe, venus, Ana and everyone. Coffee and tea are ready. Wishing you all a great day! 
with the new job Thorsgoats. 
