MAORI PROVERB
Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.
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Product and company slogans that really never quite caught on too well...Charmin: "Butt... Wipe... Err."
Microsoft: "How much are you going to pay today?"
Eggs: "The Incredible Edible Ovum."
MTV: "Loud and easy to spell."
Saks 5th Avenue: "You Could Shop Here if You're Poor, But That Would be Stupid."
Iguana: "The other green meat."
Nike: "Just buy the [blip] shoes, you flabby spineless lump!"
Daisy Air Rifles: "Keeping kids off your lawn for over forty years."
Canon Photocopiers: "Quit calling them Xeroxes, dammit!"
Pepto Bismol: "Squash the Squirts!"
Apple MacIntosh: "Hey, we thought of it first!"
Radio Shack: "You've got questions, we've got geek losers!"
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Is it Male or Female? You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples...
FREEZER BAGS
They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
PHOTOCOPIERS
These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again.
They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons.
TIRES
Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated.
HOT AIR BALLOONS
Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.
SPONGES
These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.
WEB PAGES
Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.
TRAINS
Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.
HOURGLASS
An hourglass is female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMERS
Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.
THE REMOTE CONTROL
Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying...
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It's not whether you win or lose,
but how you place the blame.
You are not drunk
if you can lie on the floor
without holding on.
We have enough "youth".
How about a fountain of "smart"?
The original point and click interface
was a Smith & Wesson.
A Fool and his money
can throw one heck of a party
When blondes have more fun,do they know it?
Five days a week my body is a temple.
The other two it's an amusement park.
LEARN FROM YOUR PARENTS' MISTAKES
USE BIRTH CONTROL
Money isn't everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Don't Drink and Drive
You might hit a bump and spill something.
If at first you don't succeed
skydiving is not for you
Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
We are born naked, wet and hungry.
Then things get worse.
Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers
give the rest a bad name.
Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge
to produce reproductive organs.
Alabama state motto:
At least we're not Mississippi
ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS NO
MATCH FOR NATURAL STUPIDITY.
The latest survey shows that
three out of four people make
up 75% of the population
"You know why a banana is like a politician?"
"He comes in and first he is green,
then he turns yellow
and then he's rotten."
"I think Congressmen should wear uniforms,
you know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could
identify their corporate sponsors."
The reason Politicians try so
hard to get re-elected is that they
would 'hate' to have to make a living
under the laws they've passed.
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Good morning everyboomie.
It is a beautiful day today, and a special day as well.
It's not everyday that the day after yesterday comes.
No, wait a minute...........never mind.
So, I guess it's just another one like the other one.
That may be the reason I keep having Déjà vu.
Hmmm, what were the last winning lottery numbers?
HECK! That won't work, I didn't win..........or even buy a ticket.
It might come in handy however, to be getting Déjà vu before my neighbor wants to borrow money.........again.
I'm having Déjà vu that you guys will all have a happy day.......just like yesterday.
joe
acebook
witter
Have a great one!
Good Morning Joe, Ana and everyone. Joe enjoy your day. Ana I'm looking forward to your photos! It got up to 82 degrees yesterday! Crazy weather! Coffee and tea are ready. Wishing you all a wonderful day! 
Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful Hump Day. Ana, 
to hubby. Danish, BB Pancakes, Bacon Sandwiches, and Pumpkin Pancakes in the NC. 
