There are three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere: “Hold my purse.”
FRANÇOIS MORENCY
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More collector edition BarbiesMany moreMicrosoft Barbie (Barbie doll with Bill Gates' head. Seeks to eliminate all other dolls.)
Realistic Teenage Barbie (flat chest, braces, and acne)
Internet Addiction Barbie (Pale complexion, bloodshot eyes, and coffee-stained clothes.
Pull the string and she either spouts URL's or mutters to herself.)
Triple Espresso Barbie (pull the string and she shakes uncontrollably for hours)
Shop-'Til-You-Drop Barbie (with a wallet full of credit cards)
Collection Agency Ken (starts calling 6 months after you buy #68, above)
Bankruptcy Barbie (formerly #68 above; Chapter VII or Chapter XIII available)
Tasmanian Barbie (spins like a top)
Siamese Twins Barbie (Actually, I believe they prefer to be called "conjoined twins".)
Edible Barbie (also known as Choc-O-Barbie)
Hockey Barbie (With bruises, a hockey stick, and missing teeth.)
Triple Bypass Barbie
Diarrhea Barbie (Always on the run.)
Kleptomaniac Barbie (with suction cup hands)
Witch Doctor Ken (partner to #34, above)
Elvira Barbie (with long black hair and skimpy black gown)
Werewolf Barbie (normal doll, except under a full moon)
Living Dead Barbie (use your imagination)
Bigfoot Barbie (sold mostly in the Northwest)
Cyclops Barbie (One eye, right in the middle of her forehead.)
Cyclops Ken (A perfect partner for #46.)
Flying Hero Barbie (Yes, I know they made this one, but it's at least as ludicrous as anything we came up with.)
Spock Ken (pointy ears, one eyebrow raised)
Barbie of Borg (You will buy one. Resistance is futile.)
Hippie Chick Barbie (with bell bottoms, protest sign, and simulated controlled substances and paraphernalia)
Blaxploitation Barbie (With afro and provocative outfit. Shaft Ken sold separately.)
Head Trauma Barbie (I don't even want to talk about that one.)
Leprosy Barbie (with removable appendages)
Iron Lung Barbie
Texas Necktie Barbie (with gallows)
Safari Barbie (With rifle, pith helmet, and pygmy guide.)
Steroid Barbie (The rest of her physique is as exaggerated as her bust is on the normal doll!)
Steroid Ken (Highly exaggerated physique; Major League Baseball uniform included {specify desired team}.)
Rock Climbing Barbie (#9 with climbing gear)
Militant Femminist Barbie (#48 with an assault rifle)
Telemarketer Barbie (With headset and cheerful voice; your telephone is guaranteed to ring from 5:00 to 9:00 every night.)
Paraplegic Barbie (Her legs don't move.)
Quadraplegic Barbie (Neither do her arms.)
Cadaver Barbie (removable internal organs)
Hunchback Barbie (Pull the string and she cries, "Sanctuary! Sanctuary!")
Barbie Brain in a Jar (an empty jar!)
Circus Clown Barbie
Human Cannonball Barbie (complete with spring-loaded cannon that will shoot her 2-3 feet.)
Lion Tamer Barbie (Lion is included. Barbie's head is not.)
Freak Show Barbie
Bearded Barbie
Elephant Trainer Barbie (squashed flat)
Bladder Control Barbie (comes with a free box of Depends undergarments)
Jabba the Barbie
Princess Leia Barbie (Barbie with the hairdo from Star Wars and the metal bikini from
Return of the Jedi)
Darth Vader Barbie (Plastic helmet; pull the string and she sounds like James Earl Jones.)
Wookie Barbie (obnoxious blonde hair everywhere)
Han Solo Ken (frozen in carbonite)
Titanic Barbie (frozen in ice)
Padma Barbie (Even Barbie wouldn't be stupid enough to fall for Anakin, would she?)
Anakin Skywalker Ken (You can pull the string if you want, but all he does is whine)
Mace Windu Ken (He'll get medieval on your a** . . . with a lightsaber.)
Sharon Stone Barbie (Is there a difference?)
'Arnold' Ken (Big and buff, no neck; pull the string and he says, "Cahl-ee-FOR-nee-ah".)
Hobbit Barbie (short and squat with big hairy feet)
Godzilla Barbie (six foot tall lizard with Barbie head)
King Kong Barbie (six foot tall ape holding Barbie doll dressed like Fae Rae)
T3 Barbie (a study in silver)
Bugs Barbie (buck teeth, long ears)
Elmer Fudd Ken (bald with hunting hat and rifle)
Dirty Harry Barbie (Comes with large caliber pistol; pull the string and she says, "Go ahead. >giggle< Make my day!")
Power Ranger Barbie (has all the riculous outfits and karate-chop action)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Barbie
One-Eyed-Head-on-a-Spider-Made-from-an-Erector-Set-Barbie (just what it sounds like)
Potato(e) Head Barbie (also just what it sounds like)
Star Command Barbie (not a flying toy)
Quidditch Barbie (also not a flying toy)
Picasso Barbie (Everything's in the wrong place.)
Steamroller Barbie (looks a lot like #110)
Roadkill Barbie (looks like #110, but with tire tracks)
Backdraft Ken (perfect partner for #25)
Stuntman Ken (comes with lots of Band-Aids)
Spear-through-the-Head-Barbie (formerly #94)
Bow-Legged Barbie (High Stepper not included.)
Amazon Barbie (complete with leopard skin outfit)
Shark Attack Barbie (Oh, must we describe everything for you?)
Stampede Barbie (Kind of like below, except with cows...Yeeeee-haw!)
Barbie-Got-Run-Over-by-a-Reindeer (An excellent holiday gift idea!)
Disco Barbie (BeeGees CD included)
Trailer Park Barbie (For the parent who wants to show their child what grown-up life is really going to be like.)
Hypothermia Barbie (formerly #60)
Battering Ram Barbie
Joan of Arc Barbie (comes with stake, kindling, and matches)
Rastafarian Barbie (She got dreadlocks and ganja, mon.)
Brickhouse Barbie (Built like a brick sh...well, you know.)
Medusa Barbie
Gangsta Barbie (Raiders jacket and rap CD included)
Hip Hop Diva Barbie (complete with CD and bare midriff outfit)
Mafia Barbie (Feet set in cement--she really sinks!)
Statue of Liberty Barbie (tall, green, corroded)
Cartoon-style 'Hit-in-the-Head-with-a-Falling-Anvil' Barbie (see #132)
Barney Barbie (Bloated, plush, and purple; pull the string and she spouts inane drivel.)
Junkyard Barbie (A little like #57, but meaner.)
Cut-the-Lady-in-Half-Magic-Trick-that-Went-Wrong Barbie (see #132)
Banzai Barbie (a small tree cut into a shape that vaguely resembles Barbie)
Tree Hugger Barbie (Pull the string and she spouts environmentalist rhetoric.)
Ballistic Missile Barbie (like #106, but more so)
Saloon Barbie (with Old West Saloon girl outfit)
Green Giant Barbie
Tool Time Barbie (Includes tool belt, which she has no idea how to use.)
P.O.W. Barbie (undernourished, tortured, and shell-shocked)
Lumberjack Barbie (sleeps all night, works all day)
Blockhead Barbie (Barbie with Charlie Brown's head)
Organ Donor Barbie (Just like #102, but not necessarily dead yet.)
Sears Tower Window Washer Barbie (see #9)
Baler Barbie (Wrapped in twine; also known as Farm Accident Barbie.)
Oscar Meyer Barbie (Barbie on a bun!)
Easter Island Barbie (the famous statue with blonde hair)
Banjo Barbie (complete with straw hat and Earl Scruggs CD)
Mick Jagger Barbie (Mick doll with Barbie's head [but Mick's lips])
Headgear Barbie (guaranteed to make kids with braces feel better)
Albino Barbie
Rocket Scientist Barbie (Yeah, right.)
Insomniac Barbie
French Figure Skating Judge Barbie (with dark glasses, a white cane, and a big bag of rubles)
Zoot Suit Ken (Hey, carnal, he looks like a real pachuco. Simon, ese?)
Osbourne Barbie (Don't pull the [blip] string, you never [blip] know what she'll [blip] say!)
Black Plague Barbie
Burqua Barbie (Complete with black dress and veil that hides everything but her eyes)
Affirmative Action Ken (you can't buy him unless you show proof that you've already bought seven female dolls and/or dolls of color)
Battery Acid Barbie (Barbie + H2SO4 Fun!)
Hellfire and Damnation Barbie (Pull the string and find out exactly why you're going to hell).
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Good morning everyboomie.
I'm not at all excited about starting this day.
It requires something that I am fundamentally opposed to in principal.
Waking up.
It's a very sad thing that happens to me all too often often, and that's why every morning I'm forced to drown my sorrows in coffee.
It's not what I'd call the elixir of life..............well maybe.
To me it's the elixir of re-animation.
It helps me control my rigor mortis.
Morning stiffness ain't what it used to be.
Have a happy morning everyone.
joe