STEVEN WRIGHT
I’ve been getting into astronomy, so I installed a skylight. The people who live above me are furious.
`````````````
Sometimes being a blonde isn't easy, especially if you're cooking...MONDAY
It's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.
TUESDAY
Bob wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Bob brought a friend home for supper.
WEDNESDAY
A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kinda of silly but I took a bath. I can't say it improved the rice any.
THURSDAY
Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Which is what led up to Bob asking me why I was rolling around in the garden.
FRIDAY
I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put all ingredients in bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.
SATURDAY
Bob did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy). For some reason Bob keeps counting to ten.
SUNDAY
Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast. All I could find was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.
GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY
This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Bob. If we could just get a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with Chocolate Moose.
```````````````````
Brunette JokesQ. What's black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
A. A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.
Q. What do you call going on a blind date with a brunette?
A. Brown-bagging it.
Q. What's the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
A. No one else wants it.
Q. What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
A. Invisible.
Q. What's a brunette's mating call?
A. "Has the blonde left yet? "
Q. Why didn't Indians scalp brunettes?
A. The hair from a buffalo's butt was more manageable.
Q. Why is brunette considered an evil color?
A. When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?
Q. What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
A. The invitation
Q. What do you call a good looking man with a brunette?
A. A hostage
Q. Who makes bras for brunettes?
A. Fisher-Price
Q. Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
A. It matches their mustache.
``````````````
Bumper StickersVery Funny Scotty, now beam up my clothes...
Madness takes its toll--please have exact change ready.
Stamp Out Crime - Abolish the IRS
Don't Honk - I'm Pedaling as Fast as I Can
If You Can Read This Bumper Sticker, You're In Range
This Vehicle Swerves and Hits Pedestrians at Random
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
I have PMS and a handgun. ANY QUESTIONS?
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Your kid may be an honor student, but you're still an IDIOT!
Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
When there's a will, I want to be in it!
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Forget about World Peace....visualize using your turn signal.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Born free... taxed to death.
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
HORN DOES NOT WORK- WATCH FOR FINGER!
Don't blame me! I didn't vote!
```````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the week beginning.
Well after that ball game I needed oxygen.
The lead changed 7 times.
It was like
walking RUNNING 2 miles on my treadmill, while watching a pretty girl walk bye.
I was going to say while watching a pretty girl
undress, but I thought better of it.
THAT would have killed me outright.
Everything's as right as rain now, especially if we could get some rain.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
At least you can relax and breathe now, Joe. 
Hope you get some rain as well. 
Good Morning Joe, venus, Ana, Haroula and everyone. We need rain as well Joe. We've been experiencing drought conditions for 3 years now. Good luck venus. Hi Ana. Coffee and tea are ready. 
looney 
