Lord, how the day passes! It’s like a life — so quickly when we don’t watch it and so slowly if we do.
JOHN STEINBECK
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Bumper StickersIf you can read this... Your parents will be home in two minutes.
Don't drink and drive.... You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
My Kid Beat Up Your Honor Student!
Honk if you have had sex with Clinton.
Hang Up And Drive!
If you're not angry, you're not paying attention!
This car is not abandoned!
I STOP FOR NO APPARENT REASON.
Don't like my driving? Call 1-800-UP-YOURS
"KEEP HONKING".... I'M RELOADING
Enjoy Life - Eat Out More Often
If your cute,single,and rich, HONK!
Don't laugh, your daughter could be in here.
WARNING: Driver only carries $20.00 worth of ammunition.
Sex is like air, it's only bad when your not getting any.
My wife's other car is a broom.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, then baffle them with bull.
If you drink don't park, accidents cause people.
Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
Please tell your pants its not polite to point.
My kid got your honor roll student pregnant.
Thank you for pot smoking.
To all you virgins thanks for nothing.
If at first you don't succeed...blame someone else and seek counseling.
Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No Hard Feelings".
If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.
Horn broken...watch for finger.
If your not a hemorrhoid, get off my a--.
I'm out of bed and dressed....What more do you want.
I don't have an attitude problem...You have a perception problem.
One good thing about Alzheimer's is you get to meet new people every day.
FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION! It comes bundled with the software.
I want to die while asleep like my Grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
I can't dial 911. There's no 11 on my phone.
Kentucky: Five Million People, Fifteen Last Names.
What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?
Can you yell "MOVIE!" in a crowded fire station?
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
Hard work pays off later, laziness pays off now!
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Don't get married. Find a woman you hate and buy her a house.
I still miss my ex. But my aim is getting better!
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
The trouble with life is there's no background music.
If women can have PMS, then men can have ESPN.
When blondes have more fun do they know it?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Losing a wife can be hard. In my case it was almost impossible.
Zero to [blip] in 10 seconds
I don't discriminate, I hate everyone!
Life is like a bowl of cherries, and I'm in the pits!
Can't sleep, clown will eat me; Can't sleep, clown will eat me......
Student Driver-Get the hell out of my way!
If it's tourist season, Then why can't we hunt them.
Work Harder. People on Welfare Depend on You.
Hire the handicapped, they're fun to watch.
I cant remember if I'm the good twin or the bad one.
I just want revenge. Is that so bad?
I may be fat, but you are ugly and I can lose weight.
So many cats.....so few recipes.
My other ride is your MOTHER!!
Practicing Safe Sex? Give yourself a hand!
I've been undermistood my whole life.
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Here's the activities guide to burning calories at work and the number of calories they consume per hour...
Beating around the bush... 75
Jumping to conclusions... 100
Climbing the walls... 150
Swallowing your pride... 50
Passing the buck... 25
Throwing your weight around... 50-300
Dragging your heels... 100
Pushing your luck... 250
Making mountains out of molehills... 500
Hitting the nail on the head... 50
Wading through paperwork... 300
Bending over backwards... 75
Jumping on the bandwagon... 200
Balancing the books... 25
Running around in circles... 350
Eating crow... 225
Tooting your own horn... 25
Climbing the ladder of success... 750
Pulling out the stops... 75
Adding fuel to the fire... 160
Wrapping it up at the day's end... 12
To which you may want to add your own favorite activities, including:
Opening a can of worms... 50
Putting your foot in your mouth... 300
Starting the ball rolling... 90
Going over the edge... 25
Picking up the pieces after... 350
Counting eggs before they hatch... 6
Calling it quits... 2
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Good morning everyboomie.
I may not have a lot to say today. I'm focused on a show about Mars, and having trouble concentrating on this.
So it's pretty much the same thing as yesterday, and the day before, and.........
It's deja vu' all over again.
Then there's that other problem.
I took my sleeping pill an hour ago.
I can do many things without conscious thought, but enjoying a TV program is not one of those things.
I get through most of my day without conscious thought anyway. I'm looking at my computer screen.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe