The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, “I’m from the government and I’m here to help.”
RONALD REAGAN
``````````````COLLEGE ENTRANCE EXAM FOR STUDENT ATHLETESTime Limit: 3 WEEKS
1. What language is spoken in France?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- Give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
____ (a) build a bridge
____ (b) sail the ocean
____ (c) lead an army or
____ (d) WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope? (check only one)
____ (a) Jewish
____ (b) Catholic
____ (c) Hindu
____ (d) Polish
____ (e) Agnostic
5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)
8. What are people in America's far north called?
____ (a) Westerners
____ (b) Southerners
____ (c) Northerners
9. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton
Bush: __________________________
Carter: __________________________
Clinton: __________________________
10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five.
11. Where does rain come from?
____ (a) Macy's
____ (b) Kmart
____ (c) Canada
____ (d) the sky
12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
____ (a) yes
____ (b) no
13. What are coat hangers used for?
14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for what country?
15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR- spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.
16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?
17. Which part of America produces the most oranges?
____ (a) New York
____ (b) Florida
____ (c) Canada
____ (d) Wisconsin
18. Advanced math. If you have three apples, how many apples do you have?
19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.) stand for?
20. The Cornell University tradition for efficiency began when (approximately)?
____ (a) B.C
____ (b) A.D.
Signed _______________________
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Comments from patients made while undergoing colonoscopies...1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before."
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"
5. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
6. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey..."
9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
10."If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"
11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
13. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?"
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Computer LiesIf you have any problems, just call us.
What you see on the screen, you get on paper when you print.
Someone must have erased my files.
They don't make those chips anymore.
If kids use them, so can adults.
Oh yeah, it's compatible with everything.
You won't need any special training.
There's no harm in trying - nothing can go wrong.
It's the fastest model out there.
The manual explains everything.
Yes, this notebook is incredibly light weight.
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25 Interesting Things That You Learn About Computers in The Movies...1. Word processors never display a cursor.
2. You never have to use the spacebar when typing long sentences.
3. All monitors display 2 inch high letters.
4. High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, have easy-to-understand graphical interfaces.
5. Those that don't will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.
6. Corollary: You can gain access to any information you want by simply typing "ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES" on any keyboard.
7. Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS." Viruses cause temperatures in computers, just like they do in humans. After a while, smoke billows out of disk drives and monitors.
8. All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain's desktop computer, even if it's turned off.
9. Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it doesn't go faster than you can read. The *really* advanced ones also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer as the characters come across the screen.
10. All computer panels have thousands of volts and flash pots just underneath the surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks, and an explosion that forces you backward. See #7, above)
11. People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data.
12. A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before intermission and guess the secret password in two tries.
13. Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function.
14. Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. In the movies, modems transmit data at two gigabytes per second.
15. When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the control panels will explode, as will the entire building.
16. If you display a file on the screen and someone deletes the file, it also disappears from the screen. There are no ways to copy a backup file -- and there are no undelete utilities.
17. If a disk has got encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a password when you try to access it.
18. No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it'll be readable by any system you put it into. All application software is usable by all computer platforms.
19. The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it has. However, everyone must have been highly trained, because the buttons aren't labelled.
20. Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three-dimensional, real-time, photo-realistic animated graphics capability.
21. Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY-MP.
22. Whenever a character looks at a VDU, the image is so bright that it projects itself onto his/her face.
23. Computers never crash during key, high-intensity activities. Humans operating computers never make mistakes under stress.
24. Programs are fiendishly perfect and never have bugs that slow down users.
25. Any photograph can have minute details pulled out of it. You can zoom into any picture as far as you want to. Example: "What's that fuzzy thing in the corner? I don't know, let's check. It's the murder weapon! Let's look under the bed for the killers shoes. no, just some comics books (Marvel 1954, very rare). Let's check the closet shelves...!"
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Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to Sunday, Sunday,
SUNDAY!!!! 
AKA
FOOTBALL DAY!!! 
I think it's funny that, now that it's getting dark much earlier, I'm taking a sleeping pill much earlier, sooooo, I'm about to pass out already.
Or did I just get up?
I'm easily confused now-a-days.
I rented a movie, well actually it's a Direct TV promotion. I rent the movie, they don't charge me for it.
I was wanting to watch a movie that I had not seen, and after about 30 minutes of looking at the movie list, I decided to watch Captain America Civil War.
I started watching it, and was immediately seeing scenes that seemed familiar to me. I thought that they must be from previews that I saw on TV, or on line. Then I saw another, and another, and another scene that was familiar.
Then it slowly, painfully, dawned on me........I've already watched this movie, but I don't remember doing it.
By the end of the movie.........
I told you it was slow......I finally pieced together in my mind, that I had gone to see the movie back when my sons came to visit me in the Spring.......and then forgot.
THAT'S how far gone my memory is.
I'm going to look at the list again to see if I can remember forgetting any more movies. It'll be like watching them for the first time.......................again.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Good Morning Joe, Midgie, Ana and everyone.Joe you are too funny! Midgie I saw that movie a couple times and enjoyed it too. Ana have fun with your sister. Coffee and tea are ready. 
It looks like I'm still worn out from last week, and next week doesn't look any better, in spite of the fact that I'm off on Thanksgiving. All the hours are just piled up on the other days. Why did I agree to do a two person job by myself again? 
I keep getting bednapped. 
