You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON
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More Corporate Definitions TREEWARE - Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.
XEROX SUBSIDY - Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
GOING POSTAL - Euphemism for being totally stressed out, for losing it. Makes reference to the unfortunate track record of postal employees who have snapped and gone on shooting rampages.
ALPHA GEEK - The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group.
ASSMOSIS - The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
CHIPS & SALSA - Chips? Hardware, salsa? Software. "Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa.
FLIGHT RISK - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon.
GOOD JOB - A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" Job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.
IRRITAINMENT - Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The OJ trials were a prime example. Bill Clinton's shameful video Grand Jury testimony is another.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE - The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
UNINSTALLED - Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voice-mail of a vice president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the number of an Uninstalled Vice President. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance. *(Syn: decruitment.)
VULCAN NERVE PINCH - The taxing hand position required to reach all the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the arm re-boot for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control key, the Command Key, the Return Key, and the Power On key.
YUPPIE FOOD STAMPS - The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal, "We each owe $8, but all anybody's got are yuppie food stamps."
SALMON DAY - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
CLM - (Career Limiting Move) Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.
ADMINISPHERE - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often
profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
DILBERTED - To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. "I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week."
404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located." Don't bother asking him . . . he's 404, man."
GENERICA - Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions. Used as in "We were so lost in generica that I forgot what city we were in."
OHNOSECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
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Corporate Structure
Breakdown of the corporate structure...
CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD:Leaps tall building in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Discusses policy with God
PRESIDENT:Leaps short buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Walks on water if the sea is calm
Talks with God
EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT:Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds.
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB.
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Talks with God if special request is approved
VICE PRESIDENT:Barely clears a Quonset hut
Loses tug-of-war with a locomotive
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occasionally addressed by God
GENERAL MANAGER:Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings
Is run over by locomotive
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
Dog paddles
Talks to animals
MANAGER:Runs into buildings
Recognizes locomotive two out of three times
Is not issued ammunition
Can't stay afloat with a life preserver
Talks to walls
TRAINEE:Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter building
Says "look at the choo-choo"
Wets him/herself with a water pistol
Plays in mud puddles
Mumbles to him/herself
SECRETARY:Lifts buildings and walks under them
Kicks locomotives off the tracks
Catches speeding bullets in his/her teeth
Freezes water with a single glance
Is God`````````````````
IN HONOR OF NATIONAL ABSURDITY DAY---------Which was Sunday actually.Corporate Stupidity
"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."
(Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)
"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter."
(Lykes Lines Shipping)
"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business."
(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)
"This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it."
(Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)
"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)
"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)
Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)
My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)
"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees."
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)
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Good morning everyboomie.
Thanksgiving is almost here. Thank goodness huh?
There is nothing better than watching a great football game while stuffing your face with a whole lot of food that is really bad for you.
Who the heck cares about that, RIGHT?!
Football,
which is a ball that looks as much like a foot, as a basketball looks like a basket, and food were made for each other.
Speaking of football, I was so lucky to find a rerun of the Cowboy/Steeler game to watch this evening.
Football is such a manly game isn't it? Lots of huge men, lots of testosterone, lots of phlegm, and spittle.
Did you ever notice that every time the commentators talk about a player, the camera zooms in on that player, and what does he do? He spits. Then two seconds later he spits again. Then the camera stays on him for a few more spits.
The cameras go to another player, and he spits. They zoom in on a coach, and he spits, they show water boy spitting, the referees spit.
All of this spitting on National TV, while people are watching, and eating their Thanksgiving dinners.
You can just imagine how much DNA those guys are sliding through every time they tackle or get tackled??
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
You are so right, Joe! Watching baseball was the same. Spitting all over the place! 
Good Morning Joe, Space, Ana and all. Coffee and tea are ready and waiting. 
i don't want to do laundry ,but i must i suppose.
